SailRunClimbRide

Real Running is Live

2010-02-02T15:40:00.001-08:00

I hope both of my readers will join me over on my new blog project: Real Running.
Real Running is a new feature of Northwest Runner magazine. I will have a monthly piece in the magazine and a weekly blog update.

Come on. Be my first followers!

You can also Real Running on Twitter: http://twitter.com/realrunning

The Road. To Recovery. Not the Cormac McCarthy Abomination...

2009-12-16T15:44:00.000-08:00

Back on the Road
It has officially been 2 weeks since the Seattle Marathon, during which my suspension went out at about mile 21 or so. After doing my chores around the house today (I'm such a loyal house elf!) I could barely resist the urge to put on the mud shoes and go for a run in the pouring rain, but somehow I managed to show restraint (there's a first for everything) and instead pulled the old neglected Fuji off the hooks and took her out for a little 12 mile spin from The Shack to Matthews Beach and back.

One way to assure solitude on the Burke Gilman Trail is to ride it during a winter monsoon! It was actually glorious to ride through the wet leaves and puddles and never see another soul. Truly glorious. Of course, the Fuji is in desperate need of a tune up, and my riding is horrible and hesitant. But still, it's exercise.

The verdict? 12 mile at around 20 miles per hour and the killer climb back up to The Shack and no apparent problems. Great, right?

I'm not so sure. Being a lifetime skeptic, I have at least a little bit of me that was hoping there was some muscle pain after the ride. Why does it only hurt when I run on it? Is it really as simple as the iliopsoas strain Dr. Hilarious thinks it is?

We'll see. Next up: an easy 3 miles tomorrow on The Boringest Oval on Earth.

In Other News

The Seattle Mariners are threatening to play actual baseball next year. This particular know-it-all fan and armchair critic thinks they are now only one Jason Bay signing away from contending for the American League pennant.
Yours truly is going to spend the next 3-4 months trying to actually get Northlake Runners up and, well, running. If you read this blog, you should read the other and help get the numbers going. Once spring hits I hope we'll be holding regular group runs. Also keep on the lookout for an Ebook of local running routes and recommendations...T-shirts and stickers coming soon, too!
I'm a fan of beer in general, but I want to just remind everyone that it is winter ale season, and if you haven't had a few Snow Cap Ales from Pyramid Brewing, you are behind schedule. Snow Cap is the best winter ale. Sorry Deschutes and Redhook (Jubelale and Winterhook, respectively). Pyramid makes one truly good beer, and this is it. Rumor is that I am running low at the moment.
I read somewhere that ink jet ink is the single most expensive liquid a regular consumer can purchase. After refilling all three household printers today, I believe it. What kind of racket is this?
This morning the following picture come across my screen saver slide show, and realizing it was but mid-December, I wept quietly in the dark corner of my office:

Around Alone

2009-12-14T10:05:00.000-08:00

Just in case any of you are out there looking for something to do with your gobs of leisure time, be sure to follow the adventure of 16 year old Jessica Watson, who is attempting to become the youngest person to sail solo, unassisted, non-stop, around the world.

Her blog is fascinating. She is so clearly a kid (she recently installed safety straps down below for her stuffed animal "crew" in anticipation of the rough conditions in the Southern Ocean) but she is handling the fear, loneliness, and boredom with the sort of honesty and self-consciousness that you wouldn't expect from someone so young.

What were you doing when you were 16? Not this.

It's Hip to be Hurt

2009-12-03T17:14:00.000-08:00

More adventures with Dr. Hilarious

After my total train wreck at the Seattle Marathon last week, I went to see Dr. Hilarious (now sporting the Daughtry shaved-head, full beard look...not good on anyone but Daughtry) about my Hip pain.

He asked me the usual question: "Why do you keep running?"

But then he very professionally launched into his 5 minute diagnosis, which involved torquing my leg around and pushing and pulling on my feet and legs:

Q: Does this hurt?
A: If does when you f-ing yank on it like that, yes. Yes it does.

Q: How bad is the pain?
A: It hurts just about as much as listening to Hannah Montana, but not as much as listening to Lady Gaga.

He poked around a little more and isolated the pain point, eliminating some other possible problems. He seemed satisfied that it wasn't some internal organ going on strike and that nothing was broken or totally destroyed.

You gotta love it when your doctor says, "This is the first time I've ever seen a patient actually manage to do this. Good job! You hear about this injury in med school, but you never see it. Awesome. You injured the iliopsoas muscle in your hip!"

He seemed very excited.

The iliopsis is one of the big core muscles that you use all the time. Sitting, standing, walking, running...everything. And like the hernia I suffered before, this is an injury that occurs late in training after the other muscles have fatigued and given up. The leg muscles get tired, the ab muscles get tired, and they all figure that big old muscle that is keeping you upright can take over and hold things together for a while. This explains why it was sore after training runs of 18 miles or more and why everything felt great in the race until mile 20 or so.

I'm getting a little sick of this whole injury thing, but at least this one doesn't require Dr. (Do No) Harm to cut into me. What it requires is resting the muscle (impossible unless you are floating in zero gravity, by the way) and some investigation into my running stride and my shoes.

And like I said I was going to do before, I need to actually suck it up and do some core strength training. I thought my rippling, chiseled six-pack abs were enough, but apparently I need to do more. We can all get together an bounce quarters off my stomach sometime this spring.

In the meantime, off we go to the podiatrist! I can't help but entertain images of clunking around in corrective shoes and leg braces. Run Forrest, Run!

So the good doc charged out of the room after writing me a referral and went to deal with his 30th patient with a cold who thought they were dying from swine flu. Awesome.

Useless Data Department

In the past 365 days I have logged 965 miles of running, burning 74,000 calories.
There are 8 pair of running shoes in my closet, but only really like 3 of them. One is brand new and will likely never see a single mile of running. Why do I keep them?
Of the 90 students who started the term in my English 101 classes, 50 submitted a final paper.
I have looked at the Fuji - currently hanging in my office - 24 times in the last week and thought: I should really ride that thing more often.
I have taken the Fuji off the hooks and out for a ride 0 times in the last 4 months.
I have recently noticed my speech habit of saying "I mean..." to start sentences and when I reach 5 instances of using the phrase in one conversation I punish myself by listening to a podcast of MathDude.

Upcoming...

With Owen pushing, it looks like I might get some trail shoes and take to the mountains for some of my next training plan. Seems like a decent idea, and maybe it will keep me from injury? Who knows. But I don't mind getting dirty once in a while.

Also Upcoming...

Work has started on a new running club up here on the northend of the lake. Look for a website, a book of running routes, and some Facebook presence soon! I'll expect both of my readers to join us, of course.

Please Leave a Message

If you are receiving this message between June 19th and July 7th, 2010, GVB will be unavailable while he travels with The Colleague and several students in Kenya. Beeeeeeep.

Race Report: Seattle Marathon

2009-11-30T10:56:00.000-08:00

My second attempt at the Seattle Marathon was both much, much better than the first and much, much worse. My initial Twitter and Facebook post after the race said that I finished and that I didn't want to talk about it. It's true: I did finish. But I guess I'll tell you about it after all.

I know both of my readers have been waiting for the blow-by-blow of my latest 26.2 mile adventure, so here it is. I should note that whatever is depleted from my brain while running a marathon has yet to be fully restored, so the words that follow might become incomprehensible at some point.

Pre-Race
Leading up to the race I felt pretty damn good. I had four good long runs under my belt, two of them at 20 miles. I wasn't injured. The weather forecast was good. I had a good race plan. I was even pretty damn close to my desired race weight for the first time.

All of that didn't stop me from the usual pre-race insomnia, however. As is always the case, I went to bed early and pretty much just lay there listening to The Colleague sleep. That girl can sleep. Who knows how much sleep I actually got. The alarm rang at 4:30 and I had a solid breakfast, tested before my last long run (toast, banana and black coffee...not my usual go-to meal).

The Colleague delivered me to Seattle Center one-hour before the start, which gave me plenty of time to make it over to the double-secret indoor, heated bathrooms at Memorial Stadium. While thousands of half marathoners queued for the port-o-johns, I had a leisurely time of it with a few people who must have also been given the secret map to the hidden bathroom deep beneath the aging stadium. By the way, the news this week that the city and the Seattle School District plan to tear down Memorial Stadium will present an interesting task for the marathon organizers...can a Quest Field start and a new course be that far off? Why not start as in the parking lot at Quest and save the leg down 5th Avenue for the finish? (I know the reason: traffic control...but I'm just putting it out there.)

I looked for the usual suspects around the starting area: RPD was somewhere in the masses of half-marathoners, Owen was milling about waiting for the marathon start...but I didn't see either of them.

The Start
The starting area - while too damn small for the 10,000 half-marathoners, is just about right for the number of people running the full 26.2. No need to fight to the front and no worries about herding like cattle through the starting chutes.

I have to say that the start of the Seattle Marathon is pretty lame. The announcer has a shrill, annoying voice, and there is no music or anything going on. They bring in some afternoon DJ from a local pop station who says something stupid and trite, and then they start the race. Every race director should have to go visit the Vancouver Marathon or the Sun Run 10k to see how it should be done.

Soon enough it was 8:15 a.m. and we were off.

The City
Miles one and two head straight through downtown on 5th Avenue. After the uphill start there is a long flat section before climbing as we cross Pike and Pine Streets. Then a long downhill toward Chinatown and King Street Station. Once the race passes the Westin, though, the city is a ghost town. A few rats and some seagulls cheered us on as we approached mile two. Hi guys.

My plan was to go out around 8:00/mile or and see how things felt. At mile two I was averaging 7:45/mile and felt good. I jogged through the water station, had both Gatorade and water, and sucked it up for the climb up onto I-90.

The Bridge
Every god damn year this is a problem. Where the course hits the on-ramp to I-90 near the stadiums, the marathon runners catch up with the half-marathon walkers and some of the slowest marathon walkers. I have NO issues with people walking the course. I think it's great to see everyone out there. But when there is only one traffic lane available to runners and the walkers have been directed to stay on the other side of the barrier, why do large groups of walkers insist on clogging up up the course? One very large group, bedazzled with bells and doodads, was taking up most of the running lane. I guy in front of me yelled at them, I almost collided with one of them when they turned to take a picture of the runners coming up behind them. What the hell?

Still, I reached the top of the ramp holding a nice 7:45 pace. My heart rate was low (160 bpm) and things were feeling good all around. No hernia repair twinges, no sore feet, so muscle pain. Here we go! I shed my 99 cent cotton gloves before the Mount Baker Tunnel (which I still think is the worst part of the course...it's hot, it's loud, and it's chaotic) turned on the iPod, and cruised through to the bridge. This is one of my favorite parts of the course, and I ran these miles fast, knocking my average pace down to 7:30 by the time the out and back was done.

Lake Washington Boulevard, Southbound
With the flashing lights on the police escort for the lead runners barely visible down in Seward Park, I started the southbound slog along the lake. A little headwind kept things cool, and I just cruised along here listening to some choice tunes from Elbow and Marc Cohn. My I stopped checking my watch in here because the tunnel had thrown off my GPS track and it was .25 miles off from the mile markers. Instead I relied on the time keepers at each mile and my feeble brain to calculate my pace. I'm so dense mathematically that it takes a whole mile to figure out my pace, and then I have to do it again! That kept my brain occupied, anyway. 7:30 per mile. Hmmm.

Seward Park
Seward Park is pretty and everything, but having the 13.1 mile split out there on the peninsula is kind of a drag. It's so lonely! I also didn't hear the little machine go "beep" when I crossed the mat, so I knew I wasn't going to get my split in my official results and started worrying that my chip wasn't working.

With a split of 1:39:50, though, I knew I was on a strong pace. I wasn't tired, and I felt a ton better than I had at this point the previous year. 14 miles was where Owen dropped me last time as I fell back into the 8:00s and he cruised to a 3:20:00 finish. This year I came out of Seward Park on pace and feeling great. Heart rate check? 162 bpm. Still not pushing. Good news.

Lake Washington Boulevard Northbound
A little wind on my back, no crowds, good tunes and visions of a strong finish made miles 14-18 great. I knew all I needed to do was get up and over the Madison Street climb and I was home free. At mile 18 I walked a few steps to get a good drink of water and some Gatorade (and to eat Gu pack #4).

When I picked my stride back up after the water station, my right hip, which had been a little sore following my previous two long runs, shot a jolt of pain through my side that made me gnash my teeth and take a little stutter step. Ouch.

We're talking real pain here. Worse than the torn muscle in Portland a few years ago. I couldn't believe it.

At mile 18 or 19 you are getting into survival territory anyway, and the emotions are running pretty high. I tried a few more strides and the pain was just as bad. I walked a few steps and it still hurt - though less so - every time my right foot hit the pavement. No no no no no!

Damn it!

I pulled to the side and tried stretching it out, twisting my leg around, rubbing my hip bone...and tried to keep going. Ouch ouch ouch ouch.

I still have no idea what the problem is, and a day after the race it still hurts pretty bad, though it is getting better slowly. I'm resisting self-diagnosis and will see Dr. Hilarious this week for the inevitable lecture on how running is stupid (see previous post and the transcript of any number of conversations between me and The Colleague). No doubt this will end in some referrals to physical therapists and podiatrists. Update to come.

So I'm at mile 18.5. I can't run. But I can't quit either. My idiot logic tells me at this point to run a mile with the pain to see if it gets worse. So I grit my teeth and run at about an 11:00 pace through the next mile.

Galer Street and The Arboretum
Watch these splits and try to pinpoint where the wheels come off completely:

Mile 16: 7:42
Mile 17: 8:15
Mile 18: 8:14
Mile 19: 9:10
Mile 20: 8:39
Mile 21: 11:39
Mile 22: 12:42

If you picked mile 21, congratulations! That's where I just couldn't bite my lip hard enough to work through the pain and keep a decent pace.

I just couldn't do it any more. The pain was unbearable. As I limped up Galer Street and over Madison, I started to lose it. I wanted to quit but I couldn't! The Colleague and the offspring were at the finish line, watching the clock approach my goal time (3:30:00). I knew that once the clock hit 3:31:00 The Colleague would be disappointed for me. And I knew that when it hit 3:45:00 she would start to worry. If it hit 4:00:00 she'd know something was really wrong.

I could stop at the medical tent and have them call her and tell her I was done. Yep. That's what I'll do. Problem: In my runner's stupor, with my body going into survival mode, I could not, no matter how hard I tried, come up with her phone number. I think I got all of the numbers right, but not in the right order. Damn.

For some reason I "ran" by the medical tent on Madison street and made my way to the Arboretum. I love this part of the course, but I have yet to get to it with any hope of actually running it. Somewhere in here is where I managed to calculate what it would take to finish under 4 hours. If I couldn't do that, I wasn't going to finish. A 13 minute pace would do it. 13 minutes per mile for 4 miles, much of it downhill. Ok. Let's go.

You can't call what I did for the last 4 miles actual running. I don't think my right foot ever left the pavement. It was more of a slide-step. But I held 13:00/mile. I stopped at the water stations and drank my fill. I joined the other dead runners as we zombied our way toward Memorial Stadium. 4 miles of pure agony, but I figured it was better to go as fast as possible and get it over with than to walk it and keep The Colleague worrying about me.

The Finish
With about 4 minutes to spare under the 4 hour mark, I came into the stadium, trying not to cry when I saw The Colleague and the offspring. For no calculated reason I ran right over to them, grabbed the kids, lifted them over the fence and ran to the finish holding their hands.

That little moment made the run worth it. I hope there is a picture of the finish out there somewhere...

I've written here before about the emotions of marathon running and the impossibility of expressing them to others. I went through about every feeling I can imagine during this race, and I can honestly say that I would have quit at mile 20 if The Colleague hadn't been at the finish. Thanks, as always, for being out there babe.

The Aftermath
It's the day after as I write this and aside from being tired and hungry, most of my body has recovered nicely (no doubt the self-administered internal alcohol therapy last night helped...beer is a recovery beverage, right?). My hip hurts like hell and I am walking like some sort of B-movie monster. Running is stupid and marathon running is ridiculous.

Still, let's get this injury figured out, correct whatever caused it, and start training for LA in March. I'm in.

I'm going to get that PR sooner or later, and a trip to Boston is still the goal.

I'm convincing myself to wear my Finisher shirt with a little pride. I didn't quit. 3:57:40. Worst. Time. Ever.

I did get beat by Elvis, though...

Thanks for coming. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

What Running Is

2009-11-11T19:56:00.001-08:00

As I sit writing this, I am woozy and sore from a 20 mile training run.

For those of you out there who are thinking about running, who used to run, or who have delusions of running as a "fun" recreational activity, let me step in and offer some thoughts:

Running is stupid.
Running is hard.
Running isn't cool.
Running leads to more running.
See #1.

Running is, indeed, stupid. It destroys your ankles, does harm to your joints, and might actually damage your heart. Yep. All that crap you read in running magazines about running being good for you is bunk. Ask any doctor. CAN running be good for you? Yep. A little bit of light running, once in a while, on soft surfaces, as part of a larger workout scheme is a great idea. 50 miles a week on pavement in $150 shoes preparing for a 26.2 mile "race" that you can't win (and that you will probably run in unsupportive "race" shoes that weigh 6 ounces)? Stupid. Plus, running 40-50 miles a week in training for a marathon means you have sliced at least 6 hours, and likely much more, out of your productive life and devoted it to running around town with no destination, and with no one chasing you. Let's not forget that the human foot was never meant to interact with surfaces like pavement. We shouldn't have to wear running shoes at all, except that most of our running haunts are paved. Poorly, I might add.

Some people call running "challenging," but let's be real for a minute. It's hard damn work. Short runs are hard because you never get the chance to warm up. Medium length runs are hard because you feel like you should really push and challenge yourself because, after all, it isn't a long run. And long runs are just plain torture. Depending on which "expert" you believe (side note: more running experts are just runners who can write decently) your body stops burning carbohydrate fuel and starts trying to burn fat and muscle for fuel after 2 hours of continuous exertion. For a nine-minute miler that's a half marathon. This is like a college party with a nice campfire. After a couple of hours, the actual firewood you have carefully brought along in anticipation of a fun night at the campground with your friends runs out, and since you've had 12 Keystone Lights and smoked something that dude over there handed to you, it seems perfectly reasonable to set the picnic table ablaze. Then the floor mats of your roommate's car. Then, what the hell, let's see if that thing over there burns!* Once that happens, every step is a deliberative action in which your brain has to wage war against your body in order to keep it moving forward. Forgetting for a minute that your muscles have decided they are done, your joints suddenly hurt again, your shoes are running you in the wrong places, and those mother----ing earbuds for your iPod keep slipping around and are driving you bat sh&% crazy, even your brain starts to rebel. And you're doing this why? Oh that's right, so it will be easier to do even more of it next week.

Go down to the local running trail in your street clothes and watch the runners go by. What assholes! Now look around at the other people who came down to watch the runners. Oh, there aren't any? That's right. Because running isn't cool. Potential running spectators only come out to races because they know something runners don't: running is stupid (see above). They aren't out there to cheer you on. They're out there to watch a few thousand uncool stupid people punish themselves for 4 hours. And they get special joy in the fact that we paid for the privilege of suffering not only for those 4 hours (3:30 if you're lucky) but for the days following when we will limp around the office wearing our "Marathon Finisher" shirts (which we paid $95 for). Nope. Running isn't cool. Bering Sea crab fishing is cool. Really good sushi chefs are cool. Runners are dorks. No way around it. Even my friend Owen, the most tattooed dude at any local race (and an accomplished ULTRA marathoner) is a geek. Running isn't cool.

But the big problem with running is that like any stupid addiction, it only leads to more running. You run a half-marathon and BAM! you're in line to register for the next one. Or worse, you decide you need to graduate to the full 26.2 miles. So then you go out and load up on expensive shoes, technical fabric shorts and shirts, special running underwear that is supposed to be odor resistant (doesn't work), and a few handfuls of GU packets. You subscribe to an online training plan. You start cooking recipes you find in Runners World.

Next thing you know, you are writing a lame-ass blog about your own running exploits, thinking stupidly that someone out there cares.

Yep. Running is stupid.

Next up, the Seattle Marathon. I'm stupid.

*Any similarity to a fraternity weekend yours truly spent at Ocean Shores is completely coincidental. And also it really happened.

The Weighting Game

2009-09-10T13:35:00.000-07:00

The kids got Wii Fit from Grandma not that long ago. And by "the kids" I mean me, because I'm the one who uses it most. The damn thing is just so cute the way it talks to me about my morbid obesity! Besides that, the kids are all in shape and healthy.

I tend to think the Wii technology is crazy witchcraft voodoo anyway, so I will admit that the experience is often a little bit creepy for me. The little animated Wii Fit board waves at me and talks to me about my fitness goals, for example. And it asks me when I ate dinner. Which is fine and awfully polite and all, but I can't answer back because I don't speak Wii.

Anyway, in addition to doing some virtual ski jumping, snowboarding, and soccer drills, I've taken to using the Wii Fit thing to track my weight as the training for Seattle ramps up. In theory I could also use it to work on some yoga poses, but those virtual yoga teachers are creepy. Seriously.

With the Wii Fit tracking my BMI and weight, I feel this weird accountability. It's like the thing actually cares or makes judgment about my weight. And damn it, I want to make that machine happy! It sets little goals for me, and I love to see the line track toward those goals.

But I know I am disappointing the Wii because I can't seem to really lose weight. It's starting to piss me off.

I'm training 35-40 miles a week, I have a pretty decent diet (except for the beer, of course) and it's not like I'm just sitting around all the time when I'm not running. What the hell?!

My weight as I sit here being taunted by the Wii Fit Balance Board is 180. I'm 5'11", so this is right on the edge of "Overweight" by the Wii's standards (and the BMI chart at Dr. Hilarious's office, too). Overweight? Damn. What does that make all the people I see on the streets? If I'm officially overweight, what category do they use to describe the people that even overweight people think are obese?

My weight goal for the Seattle Marathon is 170-175. I have plenty of time still, but things are going to have to start moving in the right direction here pretty soon.

I really want to see what the Wii says when I reach a goal. It better throw a little virtual party for me with all my Mii friends in attendance...

Another 13.1. With Complaints!

2009-09-08T07:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I laced up the racing shoes and drove to the Red Hook Brewery to stand in line in the rain with a couple thousand of my closest friends. And that was just the first hour and a half of the day...

This is the third year for me at the Super Jock and Jill Half Marathon, and as both of you will remember, I really like the race. It ends at a brewery, for one thing, and it is a flat, fast course that winds through a lot of my training routes. Support on the course is excellent, and it's generally a good time followed by a couple of beers. I never have managed to get RPD or Cap'n Ron out there with me (this year Cap'n had some excuse about a motorcycle trip, which I have yet to see photographic evidence of, and RPD was apparently in Canada enjoying natural wonder. Silly.)

Complaint Box
Let me get my gripes out the way first. I know all of my readers at Super Jock and Jill will take my commentary to heart and make some changes for next year.

Prepaid Torture
When I purchase tickets in advance for a show or a movie, I expect there to be some benefit for the effort. The organizers get the benefit of having my money in advance (complete with a "no-refund" policy), what do I get? A guaranteed shirt size? Since Brooks ends up selling the remaindered technical shirts at the their outlet store a week after the race, I don't think this is really an issue. I arrived 10 minutes before the packet pick up table was supposed to open to find a line snaking from the Red Hook loading dock out onto the street and almost to the winery next door. As every poor pre-paid schlub walked up, he or she asked the same hopeful question: "Is this line for day of race registration?"

Nope. This is for those of us who already paid.

At this point we had an hour to get our packets, use the Honey Buckets, stretch, and whatever. (Of course the Honey Bucket lines were horrid also, but this is just the fact of pre-race. Every race. Everybody Poops, after all.)

The line did move mercifully fast (30 minutes for me) but come on. It's pouring rain out here!

Oh, and by the way, the day of race "line" wrapped around the building, under cover. What lesson am I being taught by this?

So next year, here is what I would like to see:

A more significant pre-paid discount. $5 is hardly a motivator on its own.
The ability to register in person at the venue (why Red Hook hasn't picked up on this money-maker is beyond me...)
The ability to pick up my packet before the race. Every other race on earth does this. Sure there has to be a cut-off date, but I would happily drive to Greenlake to get my packet the day or week before the race to avoid standing in long lines on race day.

Start Line Antics
This race is getting big. Far too big for the starting line configuration they have relied on for the last 1o years. There is plenty of room for everyone. Sure. But there is no starting mat, so only the very front line gets an accurate race time. We need starting mats!

The race directors say the city won't let them close the road long enough to put the mats down. Well, tough. Make up a new starting line configuration. Start at the winery. Start in the brewery. Something. Without a mat, runners crowd to the front of the queue and no one gets a good start. The course opens up so quickly after the start that I would opt to hang back and start at a good pace rather than fight to be first off the line. I feel like an idiot lining up with the 5 minute milers, but you have to in order to get out at a good clip.

Oh, they also start the four-mile race at the same time as the half marathon. Which doesn't help.

Also, I know the sponsor wants to get their money's worth out of this thing, but when we are standing at the start, I don't really want to listen to you pimp your running store. Why doesn't anyone play music at the start anymore? A nice upbeat mix leading to the starting gun?

Or how about a course description for the new runners? Which reminds me...

The Course
I happen to work in one of those places where the "veterans" of the group like to rely on the "That's the way we've always done things" defense for stupid and outdated policies and procedures. I have a suspicion that a version of that is taking root at this race.

The course is fine. It's a little funky in the middle where it winds in and out of the UW Bothell campus, but it is otherwise a nice run.

This year, however, the first 4 miles were through a road construction zone, which I happened to know because that road is also the way to my dear old mom's house, so I've heard her complain about it endlessly and I've even run it a few times.

A road construction zone means: pot holes, steel plates, uneven asphalt, loose gravel, very large yellow tractors and tractor-like machines, huge orange warning signs, etc.

One: this segment of the course is avoidable (and fairly easily avoidable).
Two: the directors said nothing about it at the starting line. It wasn't mentioned in the course description on the website, and there were no warnings about it at all. Anywhere.

Sorry SJJ folks, it's time to change the course. I have some suggestions for you if you like. Give me a call. For one thing, you have an industrial/commercial park the size of Rhode Island right across the highway.

Ok. Enough complaining. Despite my gripes, it's still a good race. Honest. Just FIX IT.

The Race Report
Thanks for enduring the rants. I've had my coffee now, and am feeling much better. Honest.

I haven't been training specifically for a half marathon, but I have been on my marathon training plan for a few weeks. So I came into this race feeling pretty good about surviving things. That said, I had no goal time and no sense of how I would hold up at race pace.

Mile 1. 7:13. A full 20 seconds of this mile was spent fighting to the damn starting line. See above. Once I was running, I was right around a 7:00 pace and it felt reasonable, so I decided to stick between 7:00 and 7:30 for the race. 3 minutes into the race, I knew I was going to be too warm. The rain and the standing in line psyched me out and I put on a long sleeve shirt. Damn.

Mile 2. 7:11. This is just boring old running. But I did pass the Vespa store where The Colleague picked up her new ride last week. Hi Vespa!

Mile 3. 7:07. I picked up a mouth breather on my heels in this mile and couldn't really shake him. I think he was trying to draft me or something. I zigged and zagged a little to piss him off, but he didn't seem to notice. He sounded something like a Hippo surfacing for air. I have no doubt that he died somewhere along the route.

Mile 4. 7:06. I made it through the construction zone. Barely. Twice I stepped wrong and almost rolled my ankle on the uneven pavement. Awesome. This mile also has the retirement home folks running the water station. I love it. Shaky hands handing out water and Gatorade to runners with shaky hands. Luckily the downpour we ran through was washing it all away into the river.

Mile 5. 7:03. Mile 5 picks up the Samammish River Trail and heads through Bothell out to the UW campus. This is cruise control running for me because I run this segment three or four times a week. I did see one runner go down with a twisted knee from one of the tree roots that buckled the surface. It wasn't the Hippo Mouth Breather, though. I wonder what happened to him? Well no concern, because I picked up Weavy McWeavesAlot just after Bothell Landing. The trail is about 10 feet wide, and this dude was using the whole damn thing.

Mile 6. 7:08. Still running fast here, but anticipating the big hill in mile 7. The old brain starts to do its psych job on me. That's about all I remember from this mile: "There's a hill coming and it wants to make you hurt."

Mile 7. 7:35. Yep. That's a hill. Shit. I managed to kick through it pretty well, but spiked my heart rate and really gassed myself. My training runs on the same hill went much better. The sharp corners and slippery surfaces through here slowed me down some, too. Mostly, the mistake I made here was not taking advantage of the downhill segment after the climb to make the speed back up. I instead stayed slow to get my heart rate down more quickly.

Mile 8. 7:11. Through downtown Bothell and back to the UW campus. Nice long downhill stretch to make up some time. Bonus: very upset pickup driver in Bothell who was not happy with having to wait for the racers to pass the intersection. The poor little volunteer at the corner was just being backed up by a cop, who was pissed at the driver, when I ran by. Good for a chuckle. (I should add here that the City of Bothell did nothing in advance to warn people that the roads would be closed for the race. When I drove through on the way to the race there were just lonely orange cones out, not a sign to be seen.)

Mile 9. 7:29. Back to the campus craziness. Mile 9 is where I first saw Former College Friend, who said he wasn't running the race, pushing his friggin' jogging stroller along the course. With two kids in it. And he wasn't far behind me. What the hell, man? Last year he ran 10 miles TO the race and then ran a 1:38 AT the race. This year he shows up pushing his offspring around? No wonder he's going to Boston next year and I'm not. Damn.

Mile 10. 7:14. Back to the trail for the push to the finish. I start doing the math in my head at this point and realize that I am close to my PR, but not close enough. I don't have a sub-7:00 mile in me, so I am just going to stick to my pace and ride it out. I don't love this part of the course, but it's flat and I know it pretty well, so I just put my head down and drag my ass along.

Mile 11. 7:07. Hmmmm. A water stop helped me out here. And the headwind we were fighting let up a bit. Still, like the last miles of any race, I started to hit the wall and really, really wanted to be able to stop running.

Mile 12. 7:26. Your feet are getting verrrry heavy.

Mile 13. 7:20. I caught up with a runner I had been near for most of the race here. Turned out to be OTHER former college friend (who also ran Seattle last year). Fancy meeting you here. Can't talk now. And also, can't let you beat me. So, see ya.

Mile 13.1. For all the other features of this course, the finish is totally cool. A single loop around the little amphitheater at Red Hook to a nice finishing chute. Done. 1:35:15.

What? 1:35:15? Damn it! One minute shy of my PR.

And what sucks is I know where that minute came from. 20 seconds of it are at the start. And the other 40 are in those last 3 miles. Should have pushed. Oh well. A good race, no injuries, and hardly any hypothermia.

I chatted with Former College Friends at the finish for a bit and headed out. The brewery wasn't open yet anyway. Which brings me to my last complaint. WTF, RedHook? You can't open an hour early one day out of the year? Captive audience. Captive audience that wants beer. At least put a beer garden out there somewhere. How hard is that opportunity to recognize?

Some of the Important Stuff is in the Parentheses

2009-08-31T08:23:00.000-07:00

After a summer full of travel and mayhem, we are back at The Shack, getting settled in and ready for another season of knowledge at The Learning Factory. Several things are happening at once:

-Training for the Seattle Marathon has started (I have a workout calendar and everything!)
-The Colleague's birthday is fast approaching (Remember when she didn't have a website?)
-The kids are clothed and fed and basically prepped for school (The eldest offspring of The Colleague officially starts high school course work this year. Yikes.)
-The new seasons of Project Runway and Top Chef are on (I have nothing parenthetically witty to say about that.)
-The Old New Boat is under renovations (and the task of finding and installing the new engine is haunting my nights and days.)
-RPD is logging hellish miles in strange places (and making me wonder if I should take this running thing a little more seriously than I do? Ah well.)
-Wildfires are burning out of control near Pasadena (just when Pasadena and I were really starting to get along!)

(S)training
Both of my readers are aware that I am not great at sticking to a workout plan. I do the miles just fine, but I have a hard time reigning myself in. If I'm slated for a 10 miler, I run 12. If I'm supposed to run at 30 seconds over race pace, I run at race pace. I'm horrible. Which, of course, is why I get hurt all the time. Doy.

So I'm trying really hard to keep it together this time. I even retired my favorite shoes because I know they're shot and I know if I keep running in them I'm going to break or tear something. RIP, Favorite Shoes That Aren't Made Anymore. (So what if I have 3 other pair of the same shoes? Shut up. It's not the same.)

So far the training is going pretty well, thank you. Last week I did almost 35 miles total, and this week will be the same (though broken up differently). My longest outing so far topped 12 miles and I did it at the pace I was supposed to (I'm still planning on 7:30 to 7:40 per mile in the 'Thon, so I'm running my long runs at 8:00-8:10) and felt great at the end. I even stopped and walked a half mile at the finish to cool down and stretch, which proves unconditionally that I can use my brain when necessary*. (It doesn't hurt that the last half mile is a 400 foot climb back up the hill to The Shack.)

*Note: Of course, the one time I choose to walk the hill is also when the Kenlake Posse is out in full force. Hi fellas. I'm walking because I'm supposed to. Honest. Not because I'm weak. Oh, and I'm NOT listening to Norah Jones on these headphones. Nope. It's heavy metal or something manly. Honest.

On that same long run I detoured a bit and ran a couple of miles of the Super Jock and Jill Half Marathon course (the hilly miles) to get my brain ready for next weekend's race. After my disastrous showing at the Tacoma Half, I'm determined to have a good race. (No PR attempt here, I am still coming off surgery after all). Anything under 1:40:00 will be just fine with me...

Birthday Wishes

Dear Colleague,
I hope you like your present. And thank you for not being one of those women who frets about birthdays, tries to hide her age, and says she doesn't want anything as a gift when really she knows exactly what she wants and if she doesn't get the right thing punishes the boyfriend silently for it for weeks. Thanks for that.

Also, this note in my lame blog is your birthday gift. Surprise!

-g

Reality Television

I do love DVR technology. Without it I would miss such gems as Top Chef, Ace of Cakes, Project Runway, and The Real House Wives of Orange County. These are so bad they're good. And when I'm not burying my head in the pillow and weeping over the demise of what little culture this country had left, I thoroughly enjoy watching these nobody wannabe actors and D-Listers fight it out for my pleasure. I'm a sick, sick man.

Also, I do seriously worry about the direction television is going (seriously, I do...I can indulge the crap and still be wary of its effect on society, right?). With the push toward more reality-based programming and away from high production value, we are getting an endless slate of competitions and dating shows. They are so cheap to produce that the studios can just crank them out and see what sticks. No need to hire writers. No need to create. Just can, package, and send. And these "actors" aren't covered by any of the labor laws that SAG actors are, and you just know they are being exploited for every inch of entertainment they have in them.

Maybe I'll feel better when the new seasons of Family Guy and American Dad start up in October. (Either that or I will have to go back and start re-watching my DVDs of Northern Exposure. How great was that show?)

Boat Repair 102: How to Employ the Skills of Others

Since I know both of my readers also follow our boat blog, I don't need to say much here. How cool is the work Dear Old Dad is doing on the boat? I just wish he was also a diesel mechanic in his past. The drafting and carpentry skills will do. I guess.

California is on Fire
This is what the scene looks like in Pasadena at the moment. The photo at the head of my last post is what it looked like 4 weeks ago. Take care SoCal folks. Try not to breathe too deeply.

The Distant Future

2009-08-05T09:39:00.000-07:00

As we gear up and get ready to take Supervan on yet another epic adventure (Park City, Utah via Pasadena, California) I'm busily trying to get my body to accept running again, and reluctantly committing to a couple of races.

Reluctantly? Well, yeah, because every time I commit to a big race ($$$) I break something or tear something, or do something to something.

But the Tacoma Narrows Half Marathon was supposed to be the kick-off for my Seattle Marathon training, so I am officially in training mode now. I think. The next two weeks are important base mile weeks (I have to get my weekly mileage up to 30 or so pretty quickly) and we will be on the road.

Pasadena is no problem. 5 days there is five days in what I consider Running Paradise. Neighborhood jaunts under huge shady oak trees, on wide well maintained sidewalks, misting sprinklers keeping all of those manicured lawns blazingly green...It really is hard to take.

From there we will Supervan it to St George, Utah. I don't know how many of both of my readers have ever spent any time in St. George, but a running paradise it is not. My memory may be tainted, however, by the fact that I have only ever been there at the tail end of climbing trips in which I starved, froze, and almost died high up on a rock wall, tethered to a manic depressive formerly homeless poet. So, you know, maybe I wasn't thinking clearly.

Anyway, after a long day of driving through the desert, I will have to force myself to get some miles in to keep up with the plan.

From there to Park City, Utah. Lovely, amazing Park City. 6,900 feet of pure elevation. Ouch. Plus, it might be obvious to both of you that once you are in a mountain town like Park City, there aren't a lot of flat roads and trails to be found.

Travel, elevation, and hills? Recipe for training success.

Still, I'm determined. We'll see if the miles stack up.

Anyhoooo, the current plan is to run a few smaller races (including the Super Jock n Jill Half Marathon on Labor Day) leading up to the November 29th Seattle Marathon. Then we are looking for a late winter, early spring race to travel to. It seems like Pasadena or LA are the likely candidates at this point. Stay tuned.

In other news, work on the New Old Boat is starting to happen. We're at the stage where we are doing more damage than good, but there is a distinct possibility that someday this boat will sail, with us aboard...

Whose Destiny Are We Talking About Here?

2009-08-02T11:57:00.000-07:00

Tacoma calls itself the City of Destiny. I don't know what that means, exactly. Since I can remember, Tacoma has been the joke of the Puget Sound. Dirty, crime-infested, ugly, and decidedly a "drive through" sort of place. You drive through Tacoma on your way to Anywhere Else, USA. I can count the number of times I've actually spent any real minutes or hours in Tacoma on one hand. A couple of concerts at the Tacoma Dome back in the 90s (anyone remember when the pyrotechnics at the AC/DC show set the wooden ceiling on fire?), a conference for work, and most recently a surprise trip to see Billy Collins. So signing up for the Tacoma Narrows Half Marathon had very little to do with the city itself. Truth is, I saw that Cap'n Ron had signed up and figured, what the hell? I'm out of shape and recovering from surgery. I've been on the road for most of the summer. I haven't trained over 6 miles since May. Sounds like a recipe for success to me! So I signed up and started rationalizing. Like I do.

"I can just take it easy and use it as a long run."

"I can run-walk it."

"If I crash and have to walk in, no big woop."

And with that cycle running through my head, I started my intense training regimen, which included not running at all in the days leading up to the race, drinking PBR in the sun at The Boat Yard, and drinking wine with The Colleague at the Lyle Lovett concert the night before the race. Oh, and let's not forget a nice big helping of Pad Thai at midnight before the race. This is some good training and preparation.

Let me also say that if given the choice, I'd rather wake up in my own bed on race day. But when this means an alarm going off in my ear at 4:30 a.m., the benefits of sleeping at home are questionable. At best. I think The Colleague summed it up pretty well when the alarm went off to Midnight Oil's "Beds are Burning":

"What the hell?!"

Exactly.

Keeping to my rigorous preparation plans, I had half a glass of water and part of a NutriGrain bar (mixed berry, for those of you keeping score), and when Cap'n Ron pulled up at 5:00, I was "ready" to roll.

After the drive and a parking fiasco, we met up with First Time Half Marathoner Friend and shuttled a car to the starting line across the Tacoma Narrows Bridge

Of course, they have rebuilt the bridge a couple of times since it crashed down in 1940. But still, when you think Tacoma Narrows, you think "bridge collapse in wind storm" don't you? Maybe it's just me. Anyway, after the requisite milling about and waiting in impossibly long Honey Bucket lines, we got onto the course (10 minutes late...do races EVER start on time?)

The race started at the Narrows Airport in a chilly sea fog, which once we started running was perfect, but standing around waiting for the start was miserable.

With only 1000 participants, the start was easy and there was no jockeying for position or running room.

Kudos #1: Starting on the runway at the airport is a good choice. Wide open running for everyone.

At mile 2.5 the course hit the bridge, and the wide pedestrian path on the new span. Very nice! Though in the heavy fog the crossing was very eerie. I couldn't help think of the poor souls who have jumped to their deaths from the bridge as I ran over the top. Yikes. Don't look down, there be vertigo there.

Kudos #2: Much of the run is on pedestrian and bike paths, with nice surfaces and no traffic. They had to close very few roads, which is always a nice way to run a race.

After the bridge is the first real hill of the course, and it's a killer. Mile 4 goes up almost 300 feet from the end of the bridge through Veterans Park. I was holding a little under an 8:00 pace at this point, but that wasn't going to last long. The hill about killed me, and my meticulous planning and preparation forced me to stop at the Honey Bucket in the park. I lost almost 2 minutes there. Oh well. I wasn't looking for a PR here anyway, right?

From there the course crosses Highway 16 on an overpass and enters a little middle class neighborhood for a 2 mile loop. An old couple sitting on their lawn drinking coffee were the only people awake and outside in the whole place. Hi folks. Why is it so quiet around here?

Criticism #1: Granted this isn't the race organizers' fault, but the course is lonely. There was almost no one out supporting the runners and once the field spread out, I was literally running alone most of the time. I don't know how to fix this.

The course then picks up the very nice trail system through the west part of Tacoma. We did a little loop on the baseball diamond at Cheney Stadium, which was pretty cool, and then headed up the hill. And up the hill. And up the hill...

At the starting line I listened to people talk about the course (in my intense preparation I neglected to look at the course map, naturally). I heard several people, including First Time Half Marathoner Friend say something like "After mile 10 it's all downhill to the finish."

Bullshit. From mile 11.5 it's all downhill to the finish. Mile 10 is uphill.

I was pushing by this point to keep a solid pace, counting on the downhill to save me from an epic bonk. But the trail we were on near the golf course kept going up.

And then when it did go down, it went STRAIGHT down.

Criticism #2: Steep downhills are worse than steep uphills. There has to be a way to keep the two steep descents out of this course. They're actually a little dangerous because they come late in the race when legs are fatigued. I know how to fix this.

If one looks at my GPS track really closely, he or she will see at mile 11.5 a little hitch, where your hero made a dash behind some poor industrial building to approximate the second Honey Bucket stop, sans Honey Bucket. I hear you can get a ticket for "Depositing Human Waste in Public" but given the loneliness of the course (see above) I was in no danger of my transgression being discovered.

After that I did my best to kick to the finish, and actually had a great time doing it. I caught up with a runner I had been sort of near since the start and we agreed to race to the finish. Last I checked, Tony and I were running a 5:40 pace to the finish line, and according to the official results I got him by 1 second.

I finished, took off my chip (minor complaint: I hate ankle chips. They chafe and bother me throughout the run. Can we please stick to the shoelace chips, folks?), and got my finishing prize: a nice pint glass with the race logo on it. All around me I heard the sound of smashing glass on the pavement. Maybe handing out glassware to sweaty, dehydrated, fatigued finishers of a half marathon isn't the best plan? Still, it's a cool glass and is far more useful than a finisher's medal.

By my watch I came in at 1:46: 51. By the chip I came in at 1:48:36. I don't know how the hell that happened, but I'm not going to protest. That's a little over an 8:00 pace, which is a full minute faster than I had any business running.

Cap'n Ron came in a minute behind me at 1:49:41 and didn't break his pint glass either.

First Time Half Marathoner Friend finished his first race at 2:22:32. A solid effort on a pretty hard course.

We sleep-drove our way back north and refueled at The Ram in Northgate. They have both food AND beer there. What a concept. Putting back 1600 calories always feels good!

Next up is the Super Jock and Jill Half Marathon on September 7th. I ran 1:33 there last year and like the course a lot, so we'll see.

Then it's the Seattle Marathon on November 29th. Why do I do this?

Where Does This Trail Go? Oh. Up? Right.

2009-07-15T14:18:00.001-07:00

Both of my readers should be happy to know that I am back from Kenya, in one piece, with no visible scars. So I have that going for me, which is nice.

While in Kenya, my official "go ahead and start running again" date, set my Dr. (do-no) Harmon arrived. So, while in Malindi pigging out on fried potatoes and Tusker Lager, I laced up the Brooks and shuffled my feet.

It wasn't much, but it was running. I left our luxurious digs at the Seaview Resort and headed south down the beach. Into a 25 knot headwind. On the soft sand. After a quarter mile or so, I was joined by a couple of beach boys, who were joined by a few of their friends, who invited a couple of their friends. By the time I reached the turnaround point I felt a little like Rocky running through the streets of Philly. Also I felt like a total spectacle for the entire community of Malindi. But I ran. Gotta start somewhere.

In total I made three runs in Africa. All were painful. Who knew it was hot and windy and humid in equatorial Africa? Oh, everyone but me? Right. Even in Touristville, Africa, the locals are apparently not used to seeing an mzungu running on their red dirt roads.

The hernia seems pretty well repaired, I'm happy to say (thanks Doc). Still some soreness during the first half mile or so of a run, and I can definitely feel it after, but if the pain of the actual hernia was an 8/10, we're talking more like a 2/10 now. No worse than a sore muscle. Which I also have...

I write this from the frying pan that is Missoula, Montana. 100 degrees and not a breath of wind. I've been trying to run in the mornings before it gets too hot, and it's been pretty good, I must say.

Missoula is a pretty cool town (but it's a little too proud of itself for my tastes) and in some ways it reminds me of Spokane but without the massive industrial blight. Living in Spokane I used to be able to walk across the street to rock climb, mountain bike, or kayak along the river. Here in Missoula, the wilderness trails come right to the edge of town, so I have been taking advantage of the off-road running opportunities.

The paces are slow, but the distances are adding up, and I'm starting to feel like a runner again. Slowly by slowly. I imagine that training here on a regular basis would make running flat routes at sea level more manageable, but I don't have the constitution to keep forcing myself through runs with elevation profiles like this:

BREAKING NEWS: Cap'n Ron and I will drag our butts around the Tacoma Narrows Half Marathon Course on August 1st. Looks like a hard course, actually, but it will be nice to get another free $90 technical t-shirt...

We're Off

2009-06-19T12:32:00.000-07:00

I've packed all I can pack (The Colleague packed a little more) and we're getting ready for 20 stimulating hours flying coach to Kenya!

My official Dr. Hilarious approved start date for resuming training is July 1st, which means the first miles of my new training plan will be on the red dirt of East Africa! I've heard that some people there are pretty good runners...

Be excellent to each other in my absence.

We'll be blogging the trip at http://haydenandgreginkenya.blogspot.com/

Surgery, the Letter H, and Boat Work

2009-05-28T10:15:00.000-07:00

Getting Cut Open and Stitched Back Together

Pre-Op
There are three holes in my lower abdomen that weren't there yesterday. I've been told that there is also a fair amount of surgical mesh covering the holes in abdominal muscles. Oh, and some staples and stitches too.

All of this from running. And all of this so I can run again. Soon, I hope.

Dr. Hilarious, aware of my fondness for medical practitioners who share my follicle challenges and who have ironic names, referred me to a Dr. Harmon. Of course.

So Do-no-Harmon met with me last week to talk through the surgery.

Main Points:
-He does hundreds of these surgeries a year. He's never killed anyone.
-Laparoscopic surgery: In through the belly button with a scope, and with the tools on either side of the lower abdomen.
-No one knows the frequency of recurrence after surgery, because dudes are stupid. Chances are that a lot of guys who suffer a recurrence blame the surgeon and go to someone else.
-Rather than stitching muscle together, surgical mesh is stretched over the giant, gaping hole in my gut and the muscle is supposed to grow over it. After 2 weeks, the mesh is 75% covered. At 3 weeks, 95%.
-It's gonna hurt.

Day of Operation
Just in case I died on the table, The Colleague and I met some former students of mine for what I want my last meal to be: sushi. As much as possible. As fresh as possible. After that, it was no food or drink after midnight.

So, Dr. Hilarious referred me to Dr. Harmon. The Colleague (h) drove me to the surgery center, where the anesthesiologist (Dr. Hardy) gave me the drugs.

General anesthesia has to be one of the weirdest experiences a person can have.

Dr. Hardy says, "Ok, you're going to get a little woozy." Next thing I know I'm waking up in a different room. 2 hours went by. Dr. do-no Harmon cut into me and stitched me back together while a med student watched the show. And I woke up like not one second passed. 2 hours gone.

By the time I saw The Colleague again, I was pretty much ready to roll. I wasn't babbling like a drugged up lunatic (though apparently I asked for the anesthesiologist's name at some point...what the hell?), I didn't ask anyone to marry me, and as far as I know I didn't embarrass myself.

I went into the surgery center at 8:30 a.m. and was home in bed by 1:00 p.m. Not bad.

The Day After
The Colleague is off for an oil-baroness meeting in Montana today, so I am at The Shack tending to myself, trying to move around as much as possible, and thinking about getting some work done, though concentration is not my strong suit at the moment. I sent one work-related email this morning that I probably shouldn't have. I'll wait until I'm off the dope to do anything else in that arena.

They ask you to measure pain on a scale of 1-10. Ok. At the moment, even with the narcotics, we're talking about a 5. Without? Not good.

One Other Thing

We started actual work on the Cape Dory last weekend. Check it out: http://capedory27.blogspot.com

In Repair: Stories about Boats, Bikes, and Inguinal Canals

2009-05-16T08:35:00.000-07:00

The Landmark Case of Running v. Riding (2009)

The Colleague was asking me last night about the difference, for me, between running and cycling, trying, I think, to get at the root of why I get so much more satisfaction from running than riding. I'm not sure I have a definitive answer, but I tried. And I'll try again here.

This line of discussion brought to you by the worst of the nagging running injuries I've had to date. Worse than the stress fracture in the foot (though that was a pretty serious pain in the ass) and worse than the torn calf muscle (at least I knew once that was torn I couldn't make it worse).

Back to the running versus cycling question: Cycling is cool. I love it. I love big sweeping downhills, I dig cranking up hills and skyrocketing the heart rate. And you know I love the Fuji. Bikes are cool. But that, I realized, is part of the problem. The gear. I have an inherent distrust of gear that goes back to my serious climbing days.

In running, the only thing that can really break down is you. Sure, I burn through a lot of shoes. And I have a lot of gadgets and toys that go along with running. But if my iPod isn't working, or the Garmin can't pick up a satellite signal, big deal. The bike can break down. That's a lot of moving parts to go wrong, and hedging against that possibility is a drag.

Case in point: flat tires. I don't know what it is about me and the Fuji, but we seem to court flat tires at an alarming rate. Every other ride it seems like I'm at the side of the road peeling a tire off a rim and changing a tube. Total drag. The wheels are currently off the Fuji waiting for me to get to changing out the tires and the tubes. And actually, what I should do is take her in for a full tune up, but then I'd be without the bike for a week. Another issue about cycling.

I should get to the tire repair soon, though because aside form sitting and breathing, riding is about the only active thing I can manage at the moment. Which brings us to:

The Further Adventures of Dr. Hilarious and GVB's Lower Abdomen

Two of you will remember that about 8 months ago, while training for the Seattle Marathon, I started to complain about pain in my ab muscles (you know, that rippling six pack of mine). After long runs it would hurt to sit up for a few days and then it would go away. I just assumed that my abs were getting sore from the running.

I ran/suffered through the Seattle Marathon with the ab pain, but after the race it never got better. An appointment with Dr. Hilarious was in order. Both of my readers might also remember this medical moment from January.

After the visit I tried to keep training for Vancouver, but after my 14 mile run with Cap'n Ron I knew it was over. I couldn't move. I couldn't get in and out of the car. Several other, well, "activities" caused considerable pain (worth it). So I took step two of Dr. Hilarious's suggested path: rest. I stopped running.

Still, nothing got better.

Last week I got to see the inside of my gut through the magic of ultrasound technology and after Pat the Ultrasound Technician poked around for an hour, gazing longingly at my organs, she found it. An actual hernia. Not the sports hernia I thought it was (thereby supporting Dr, Hilarious's case against Internet-aided self-diagnosis) but an actual hernia. A tear in the muscles along the inguinal canal that lets the "stuff" out. In this case, the "stuff" is a thin layer of fatty tissue (mmmmm...fatty tissue) that lodged itself in there and never left. Lucky, that. Without that fatty tissue in there, who knows what part of my innards would be poking out of there.

So Dr. Hilarious has sent me off to his "hernia surgeon guy" in Edmonds. I'll see him this week and hopefully on his schedule soon enough to get this done before we leave for Africa in late June.

As The Colleague said to me last night, you know you've exhausted the other options and are ready for surgery when the prospect of some dude cutting you open and stitching your guts together is appealing. More as I know more.

Remember that Boat We Sold and That Boat We Bought? Yeah, About That...

It will be a while before we're doing this...

...but the first steps have been made. The new/old/nameless boat is out of the water, on stands in the driveway, and ready for work to commence. No small project.

In honor of the fact that most of the people who are truly interested in the refit of a 1979 Cape Dory 27 aren't interested in my musings about my ab muscles and the Zanax-fueled dysfunction at the Learning Factory (and vice-a-versa I suspect), The Colleague and I launched a new blog project to follow the epic battle of Man and Woman against Aging Fiberglass and Aluminum.

Check it out at at http://capedory27.blogspot.com.

Coming Soon!*

The Colleague and I leave for Kenya in a little over a month. Watch for more details, updates, and so on at our OTHER new blog project. Details to come as soon as we decide on the details.

*That's What She Said

I Want to Know Some Things

2009-04-22T09:10:00.001-07:00

It's true. I don't really want much. But I know what I want.

1. I want someone to explain to me why I can't spend my professional development money on out-of-state travel this year. This is, ostensibly, because of state budget cuts. The Factory is, after all, a state institution. But hang on. If I get, say $1,000 a year to spend on professional development, and I still get to spend this year's allotment, and if I don't spent it it doesn't carry over or get used for something else at The Factory, why the hell can't I spend it to go to a conference in Portland? I can spend it to go to a conference in Vancouver. Why not Portland?

2. I want to know why I only drink black coffee when the kids have burned through all the milk by drowning their Honey Nut Cheerios in it every morning. I rather like black coffee, but I forget that I do because we usually have milk. Someone remind me about this in the morning.

3. I want to know why my muscles aren't healing. Dr. Hilarious said the would and they're not.

4. I want to know why The Colleague keeps getting monthly issues of ALLURE magazine despite having never subscribed to it, but when I was a week late renewing RUNNER'S WORLD they stopped sending it AND cut off my access to their online resources.

5. I want to know how I am expected to get the same satisfaction from cycling as I do (did) from running. It just isn't the same. It's not. Really. I like it and all, but running is cooler. Sorry.

6. I want to know why The Colleague and I didn't think of this first: Stuff For Sale I Will Mail You.

7. I want to know where spring went. Enough already.

8. I want to know what's next.

9. I want to know what it is going to take, once and for all, to stop the bullshit at The Factory. Nothing seems to work. I'm thinking about calling in the Colombia Ex-Pat to crack some skulls.

10. I want to know who all the Cylons are. But not really. We still have ten DVDs worth of episodes to watch. Ssssshhhhh.

2, 987 miles!

2009-04-03T12:17:00.001-07:00

Details to come. But I have work to do first...

Here's the map of the trip.

View Larger Map

Out of Office Auto Reply

2009-03-23T18:41:00.000-07:00

Auto-Reply:
Hello and thanks for emailing. I'm out of the office until next month. I'm done grading your crappy papers and tired of you complaining over a participation score from 3 months ago that only has a .02% impact on your final grade (which, by the way, wasn't a passing grade anyway, and that participation score ain't gonna make one twit of difference).

I've rewritten the department schedule seventeen times in a futile attempt to make everyone happy and to keep anyone from starting another rumor about me and my devious intentions/rampant nepotism/favoritism/racism/sexual discrimination/age discrimination.

Normally I'd say that I'd get back to you upon my return to the office, but I won't, so I am not going to say I will. I'm out.

If this is in regards to a lawsuit against someone else through which you hope to railroad me into incriminating myself in testimony, please contact someone with an actual administrative job. The current wait time to sue me is 9 months.

Southing
I leave tomorrow on a several day adventure from Seattle to Pasadena on the 650GS. So far it looks like I only have to get south of Eugene, Oregon to get into some reasonably dry weather.

I just have to make it to Pasadena by Friday to meet The Colleague, who is taking the faster/warmer route via commercial airliner. I figured out today why The Colleague likes flying so much. It's the free porn, isn't it?

I will post frequent updates on the ride via Twitter, which shows up right here on this very blog for your viewing pleasure. More from the road!

NCAA
1. My bracket is screwed. I am terrible at these things. Mostly because I don't really care.
2. The Huskies keep breaking my heart in this tournament. I think it's easier when they don't make the post-season. At least this year they didn't get far enough to have their spirits crushed by UConn again.

The New Boat Search Committee

2009-03-12T19:42:00.001-07:00

Newly Boatless Couple Seeks Salty Cruising Sloop for Summer Sailing and Potential Offshore Adventures. Must be under 30', willing to undergo a complete makeover, content sitting at anchor for several days in a row in Canadian harbors, and able to carry some sail in heavy air. Full-keel preferred but not required.

With the title of The 'Hood officially transferred, the New Boat Search Committee has officially convened.

We have been accepting applications for some time, with the clear caveat that the position of New Boat would be filled contingent upon funding. With the funding in place, it is time to begin serious screening of applications. The committee is also accepting letters of support for any of the candidates listed below:

Pacific Seacraft 25
Strengths: Painfully cute, unique, and totally affordable. She looks salty and has a proven bluewater resume.
Weaknesses: The specific boat we are looking at would need new sails, a fair amount of engine work, and a rebuilt interior. Also not the cheapest of the bunch. The lack of headroom (and the lack of a head) work against her.

Commentary: She's cute as hell and would be a blast to sail. A 25 foot boat is also a lot easier and cheaper to moor, haul, paint, repair, and maintain than a larger boat. Imagining being caught out in the Straits of Juan de Fuca in a big blow in a 25 foot boat isn't terribly pleasant...

Contessa 26
Strengths: Well-known circumnavigator with a solid design and decent performance.
Weaknesses: Not as traditional in looks or design as some others. Would need new sails. Engine is a question mark. Most expensive of the bunch and still might need some work. Most are in British Columbia, which makes viewing one a bit of a chore. Now, if we had a boat we could sail to Sydney and look at a few...wait...

Commentary: This is technically the "fastest" of the boats currently under consideration, though when you're talking about full-keeled cruising boats fast isn't really a consideration. The Contessa 26 has a little more head room than the PS 25, but not much, and only at the companionway. The simple sloop rig has a lot going for it, and the engines, if in decent shape, are more than enough to power the boat through the chop.

Cape Dory 27
Strengths: Full standing headroom, actual head compartment, full v-berth, big cockpit, sloop rig. Full-keeled cruiser that can go offshore with no worries. Classic looks, good design, and good sailing characteristics.

Weaknesses: The specific candidate in question is in rough shape. This is a project boat to be sure. The main concern is the single-cylinder Yanmar engine that is probably dead and even at its best is too small for the boat. With an 18 HP engine, this boat would be pretty close to ideal.

Commentary: The committee is going to visit this candidate soon and make a more detailed assessment of her needs. What looks like a bargain might end up costing much more in the long run.

Write In Candidates?
Mind you, this is not the complete list and we are still taking applications. Please send us resumes of qualified boats.

Theater of the Absurd

2009-03-06T09:34:00.000-08:00

ACT ONE

SETTING: Suburban community college with industrial architecture and a 1-1 student-car ratio. It is the early 21st Century and the country is in the middle of an economic crisis that has no immediate end. It is late winter, but there are occasional signs of spring, including the wildly misplaced application of low-rider jeans and exposed midriffs...

Curtains open to a show a typewritten memo projected on a large screen. The memo reads, in part "Due to the required budget cuts, we are raising class size by five students per section and suspending the purchase of bottled water for staff lounge water coolers."

Screen lifts, exposing an industrial-looking meeting room, with two dozen faculty - mostly white - sitting at what appears to be a department meeting.

Dean Mary Misstep: Before we get to the rest of the agenda, I want to ask a quick question about protocol. Being new here, I don't know how I should go about assigning the much-coveted window office being vacated by Sally Sociologist. Is this usually done by seniority, or -

Pear Shaped Woman: I just want to clarify that I heard you say you are new here and don't know what to do about this situation. Is that correct? (scribbles something in her notes)

Larry Lecturer: I want to thank you, Mary Misstep, for bringing this out in the open so that we can all be a part of the conversation. This helps with the perception of transparency and fairness, and that makes us all feel better about the job you are doing.

Asian Pear Shaped Woman: It is my understanding that this is done by seniority and since I am the next most senior person, that means I would get that office -

Vinnie Veteran: Look, back in the day, we just moved offices whenever we wanted to, and if we disagreed, we'd go to the bar, get drunk, and fight it out. That's how I got the corner office. That's also how I got my third wife...

Pear Shaped Woman: So what I heard is that this is indeed a question of seniority? (scribbles something else in her notes)

Actual Academic is seen furiously entering a text message into his iPhone.

Larry Lecturer: There are several people who aren't in attendance at this meeting and I know they would want their voices heard, both individually and collectively. I'm not comfortable continuing this line of discussion without everyone present.

Dean Misstep: Ok, ok. I didn't mean to open up a wound here...

Susie Sociologist: I realize I already have a window office, but it is an undesirable one in a bad location. I have the smallest office of any of the window offices, and because it is on the north side of the building I get no direct sunlight. It's discriminatory, frankly. I believe I should get the opportunity to relocate to a more desirable window office before anyone with less seniority gets to move.

Vinnie Veteran: That sounds right. I'll help you move if you want. (winks)

Pear Shaped Woman: (Reading from notes) I believe that we should be using variables other than seniority to determine this issue. Shouldn't we be applying our diversity standards to this decision? As a white woman, I can still say that a woman of color should get first choice of an office. (Pats Asian Pear Shaped Woman on back)

Dennis Disinterested is seen reading a message on his iPhone and entering a text message in response.

Actual Academic is seen immediately reading a message on his iPhone.

Asian Pear Shaped Woman (in tears): My current window office is 10 doors away from my closest department colleague. I feel segregated from the rest of my department and it has a very negative impact on my life as a scholar, a thinker, and a person of color.

Heidi Hilarious: My office has a door and a window, and has the distinct benefit of being at my own house. Can we move on so I can go home?

Pear Shaped Woman: Not all of us, Heidi, have the benefit of a house or a family or a life outside of this college. I find it inappropriate for you to flaunt your happiness in front of all of us.

Asian Pear Shaped Woman: I just...I can't...I...This is so hard for me...I...the indignities suffered by people like me at this college just never seem to end...

Dean Misstep: Ok everyone. I've heard what you have to say. I guess I will hold off to make this devision until I have had a chance to sit down with my attorney and come up with a plan that is not in violation of the contract. And, oh, look at that, we're out of time. So we'll table the remaining items on the agenda for spring term. That means we will have a fill agenda in April. Remember, many of you are losing your jobs due to budget cuts, we are increasing your class capacities by 20 percent across the board, we are charging for parking, there is not more professional development travel allowed, the computer system will only be available from 7 am to noon Monday through Friday, textbooks will be marked up 150%, bottled water service will be suspended, the library will be mothballed, and the student union will be rented out to Health and Human Services to use as a methadone clinic. Now get out there and keep up the good work!

Faculty: Yay! It's Friday! Let's all awkwardly go our separate ways and not acknowledge one another!

Dean Misstep: Oh, and don't forget that the division office is down to two secretaries working swing shift. If you need any assistance you will have to come in after 6 pm! Thanks everyone!

Asian Pear Shaped Woman (to Pear Shaped Woman): Do you think I got the office? I went off script there for a minute...

Pear Shaped Woman: I have it all in my notes. If you don't get the office and I don't get yours when you move, I think we have a good case for an unfair labor lawsuit.

END SCENE.

10 Item Flash Post

2009-02-11T10:45:00.000-08:00

Running again. 12 miles so far this week. Feeling pretty good about it.
The Factory had a meltdown in the rhetoric sector. Fallout yet to be assessed.
The spring beers are already out. But it is 32 degrees and snowing outside.
The 'Hood is sold. She leaves the Floating Trailer Park for her new life next week.
The New Boat Search Committee has had several meetings and has drafted criteria and selected early candidates. No report.
The Colleague is being sued. Probably.
American Idol is on.
Top Chef is on.
The Oscars Festivities are upcoming
I have managed to sit through the first 30 minutes of "Benjamin Button" 3 times.

I'm Gonna Update the Hell Out of This Blog

2009-01-14T09:00:00.000-08:00

Actual Sailing Content:
1. The 'Hood is officially going up for sale. Someone's going to get a good deal, too.
2. The Lion is apparently now a fourth-place boat. Skipper Krumm has updated and replaced everything onboard that pig (except the crew, of course) and still we can't seem to climb ahead of those other, less green, less old boats. Takes the pressure off. Now if he will just install that keg cooler we asked for we'll be all set for 'Round Whidbey this year.
3. Is anyone else following the Vendee Globe race this year? Do I have to move to France to get any coverage of this? I've never quite understood why sailing can't work as a televised sport in this country. Especially the big races like the Vendee Globe. It has everything Americans love: speed, horrible conditions, crashes, over-engineered machines, and the serious potential for death. I think ESPN should film and produce the Key West Race Week this year and see what sort of ratings they get. It's exciting stuff to watch rich dudes crash million dollar boats into each other at the windward mark! Come on! Don't make me move to France. Ok, I'll move to France.

Actual Running Content:
I'm running again. Slowly. With Dr. Hilarious giving me the wave of the hand and the "do whatever you want to do, you will anyway" sort of advice on my injury-that-we-don't-call-a-sports-hernia, I have set out to start getting my legs back. So far so good. Last night's little cruise through the old Palace stomping grounds felt good and very little soreness in old abdominal region the next day. That said, if I am relegated to a running life of less than 5 miles a day, I might have to go on a killing spree.

As has been discussed here before, short runs are the worst sort of exercise evil. A 4 miler is just a warm up followed by a cool down with no actual running time anywhere in there.

Still a long way from being able to think about real training or racing, but who knows. Physical therapy starts soon. That should help too!

Theoretical Climbing Content:
It could have been the beer, but Cap'n Ron and I started seriously talking about a spring/summer climbing plan for this year. After 11 years I think it might indeed be time to hump it up Rainier again and get up into the North Cascades to pay homage to Fred Beckey. I'm in. I think I have some climbing gear around here somewhere...

Theoretical Riding Content:
The Fuji is sitting right here. It wouldn't kill me to start riding to work and such. Would it?

But it's just so damn cold and wet out there. And I'm not in love with the 12 tons of sand left on the roads after the snow we had. Nothing quite like cornering on that stuff!

Also, the plans are pretty intact for a motorcycle trip south during spring break this year! A couple thousand miles down to Pasadena and back? Sign me up. Solo down, two-up with The Colleague home? Sign me up. No plan or itinerary? Yes please. Small towns, two-lane roads, and campgrounds? I'm in.

Bonus Coverage:
The Factory
Oooooo boy it's getting exciting 'round here. Gregg Easterbrook's last piece at ESPN.com had a section about presidents loving crises so much that they invented them when there weren't any just so they could say they managed a crises. So they call a downturn in the economy a "crisis" so that when it naturally takes care of itself they can say they presided over it and saved the world. Well, as Easterbrook points out, there are very few real crises that need intervention from the president.

I get the feeling that this is what is going on at The Factory. Everyone in administration is running around using huge numbers and predicting dire results if we don't sell everything for the cause. We HAVE to raise class capacities or we'll all DIE. We have to fire a million teachers and cancel everything but one English and one math class! It's an endless downward spiral of economic woe!

Bullshit, I say. In the end, some fat will be trimmed, some programs that don't have an audience anymore will be cut, and perhaps some adjunct faculty will not be retained. And then Fearless Bicycle Riding Leader can say "Hey gang, look how great we did! We didn't have to fire any tenured faculty! We didn't reduce capacity at all!"

Good job Leader. Sigh.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are just teaching our classes and rolling our eyes at the doomsday prophecies.

South for the Winter
I would rather be in Mexico now.
So I think I will start packing.

Rx

2009-01-09T10:42:00.001-08:00

I'm Pretty Sure at Least the Pain is Real!
One thing I love is when I have an injury that the medical community can't even agree exists. That's AWESOME!

I made the trek to see Dr. Hilarious last night to grab his one open appointment for 2009. After confirming (via the handy chart on the wall) that my Body Mass Index results indicate that I am overweight (I know I'm not in my best shape at the moment, but I'm only 5 pounds heavier than when I ran my last marathon in November. Overweight? If I'm overweight, what do they use to describe actual fat people?) Dr. H confirmed that I likely have torn muscles in my abdominal wall. To the running world, as far as I can tell, this is called a Sports Hernia.

But don't tell the good doc this. Nope. Dr. Hilarious launches into a rant about what the word hernia actually means and how upset he is that people misuse the term to describe things they want a cool name for so they can charge more for rehabilitation and treatment at specialty sports rehab clinics, etc.

Imagine how upset I get when someone misuses the word "irony" and you have some idea as to the vigor with which Dr. Hilarious delivered this speech.

Anyway, there was much discussion about training and running and when it happened, etc. My best guess is that I have been running with some degree of this injury for several months, probably since late summer.

What I learned:

Dr. Hilarious doesn't believe in Sports Hernias. Torn or injured muscles in the lower abdominal wall, yes. Sports Hernia? No. "Unless some of your guts are sticking out through the tear in the muscle, it's not a hernia." Thanks doc.
Core strength is the key to avoiding this injury. So to all of you distance runners out there, hit the yoga studio and don't let up on the plank poses. Also crunches. Lots of crunches. I hate core strength workouts.
The rough explanation of this injury-that-we-aren't-calling-a-sports-hernia-anymore is that the hip flexor muscles and the other muscles on the top of the upper thigh win a tug-o-war with the tissue in the lower abdomen.
In runners this injury happens mostly at distance.

Rx:

Right after his rant about sports medicine clinics charging more for cool sounding injury treatment, Dr. Hilarious referred me to The Donaldson Clinic, a sports medicine rehabilitation clinic here in town. Seems about right. Next lesson: hypocrisies.
Core strength (with physical therapy), rest, and short runs. For the time being I am limited to 5 miles maximum and 1 minute slower than normal training pace, which means 9:00 miles.
6 month re-evaluation.

Note: Those of you who know me KNOW I am going to fuck this up by pushing too hard too soon, so stay tuned for the re-injury report. I am not canceling my plans to run Vancouver in May. If I can keep a decent weekly mileage number and stay in shape between now and April I think I have a shot of running at least a 3:45 up there while I watch Scott and Ron take off into the distance to get their Boston times.

Then what?:

"Since no one agrees that this injury is even real, surgeons don't like to try to fix it. Maybe they just don't know what to call the surgery when they are out with their friends so they don't want to do it. 'Double bypass' sounds cooler than 'lower abdominal tissue repair.'" - Dr. Hilarious.

So here I sit, about to try my first run in a month and hoping against hope I don't feel anything go riiiiiiip.

I'll keep you all updated with the gory details. Keep an eye on my mileage and workout information in the right hand column over there. It's gonna be a slow start to the year for me.

Also:
The Colleague and I are going to Mexico. Cap'n Ron is going to Oahu, and RPD is off to Maui. What's up folks, don't like the shit ass weather?

Also Also:
We've been watching a lot of movies in anticipation of our sort of annual Oscar night wine binge, and I have to say, most of them suck.

Snowfall, Vacations, and Injuries. One Stop Shopping.

2008-12-18T11:38:00.000-08:00

We've got it all here at SailRunClimbRide. Well, everything except sailing, running, climbing, or riding. But if you're all nice, we might just throw in some of that as well. Let me talk to my manager and see what I can do for you...

Snow
It's snowing. But you know this because it is WINTER STORM 2008! or some variant thereof, depending on which local channel you watch. I'm happy to not be out in it, though I am tempted to go for a run on the BG trail later. And actually, given the experience I just had delivering SuperVan to the bottom of the hill for any future transportation needs, I don't think running is a terribly strong plan.

Vacation
Dear students,

You have had 11 weeks to ask me about grading policies and assignment scores, and my Out-of-Office message should be a hint that I don't want you to bother me about why you missed 3 points on your first paper back in October. Also, I apologize on behalf of the US Public Education System that you don't understand how percentages work or how to read a simple chart that converts percentage scores to decimal scores. I'm on vacation. Leave me alone.

I am also not a financial aid advisor, so I don't know how you're failure in my class will affect your cash flow. Sorry.

Oh, and I recognize your name from my roster, but since you never came to class or office hours, I have no idea who you are. I don't know if that has any effect on your grade or not...

Injuries
Dr. Hilarious is on vacation until January, so I don't have the details yet, but symptoms suggest GVB is running with torn abdominal muscles (aka sports hernia). Awesome. When I was running every day in training for the Seattle Marathon, I assumed the pain in my non-existent abs was simply sore muscles. But when the pain got worse in the layoff after the race, knew something was up.

Sports hernias are interesting monsters. Apparently what happens is that the muscles of the upper leg get stronger than the muscles in the abdominal wall, to which they are attached. The stronger muscles win the tug-of-war and tear the weaker ones. Good times. So know it is a forced layoff to see how this heals up. Then a LOT more core strength work in addition to ramping up the training for Vancouver. I'm not to hip on the idea of surgery to repair this thing. I'd rather not have someone cut me open and stitch my muscles back together, thanks. Even doing sit ups and crunches sounds better than that.

Bonus Material

The 'Hood is officially for sale. You can make the check out to the Pacific Seacraft 25 we want.
The 12K's of Christmas, scheduled for last Sunday and "skipped" by me when the sheet of ice appeared on our hill, was apparently canceled, though the race committee didn't notify anyone of that fact. As a consolation prize? I get to sign up for another one of their races at a discount. Oooooh. Thanks. Assholes.
Puerto Vallarta, Florida, New York City, Pasadena, Kenya. Anywhere else I need to go in the coming months? Let me know.
Confession: I watch The Real Housewives of Orange County. Fact: I didn't know shows like that could jump the shark, but apparently they can. Yikes.
I am going back to school to become a chef. It seems fun.
Hulu.com is the latest reason I am not getting anything done. Related note: a few episodes of Kitchen Nightmares are ok. More than that and you are just torturing yourself with massively formulaic "reality" television.

End Transmission

Of Goals Not Met: Now With More Shame!

2008-12-06T11:22:00.000-08:00

CNN is Calling it Early...
I know the year isn't over yet, but it's 8:00 p.m. EST on election night and a comeback is a mathematic improbability. I'm calling it. I missed my yearly mileage goal. And that might explain part of why I sucked so bad at the Seattle Marathon. Now that I've officially come up short, the pundits can tear into my past mistakes and analyze them with the precision of hindsight...

Today's 5 mile run through the ghetto of Kenmore put me at 803 miles for the year. Unless I do nothing but run from now until New Year's Eve, I'm going to come up short of the 1,000 mile goal I set for myself. So that sucks.

I'm shooting for 1,000 next year, and how much do you want to bet that if I get there, my marathon times will improve along the way? Sucker bet, I know. Mileage is the key to those long races, and I just didn't pack in the miles this year. My best months were October and November, at over 100 miles each, but those included all of my long training runs AND the Seattle Marathon, so you would expect those to be high. I should be running consistent 100 mile months (more like 150, actually, if my weekly mileage is where it should be).

Obama raised his campaign fortune $5 at a time, and I think there is a lesson there for everyone. I need more frequent little runs packed around my long weekend runs to build up the miles. 5 here, 6 there...that's the ticket. Anyone care to make a small donation?

So in addition to not making my goal pace at the Seattle Marathon, I am now shamed by missing my mileage goal. I also didn't cure AIDS, discover any physical principles, or bungee jump from a bridge in New Zealand. Oh well, there's always next year.

Hey GVB, What's Up Next?
Another chance to come up short! The Vancouver Marathon is on May 3rd. Cap'n Ron will be there again, and so will Former Fraternity Acquaintance. Anyone else? Early registration ends December 15th. After running Seattle, I am actually looking forward to Vancouver for its organization, support, and attention to detail. They put together good races up there.

I'm really going to train for this one. Speed work, hills, and distance. The whole ticket. I'd like to get this Boston Qualifying monkey off my back. He's heavy to drag around the course.

What's Up at The Factory?
Well, let's see here...

Our union president is a complete idiot
The Colleague's computer is magically downloading porn on its own
Our dean has lost her mind (and, apparently, her hairbrush)
We get to teach more students in more classes for less money!
I might be going to Florida for 3 days to do focus group work on a textbook
The Colleage and I have officially announced our exit strategy for the department chair work
Sweater is expanding
Pear is expanding
Mysterious Math/Science Tenure Abuser is expanding
The Factory itself is shrinking. Something has to give here...
Everyone is carefully studying the RIF list...

Half and Half (13.1 + 13.1)

2008-12-01T15:06:00.000-08:00

I have officially survived another 26.2 mile romp through a northwest city. The Seattle Marathon is over, and I managed to force myself around the course in 3 hours, 42 minutes, and 12 seconds, well off my goal time but satisfying nonetheless.

The Seattle course reinforces just how far 26.2 miles in real terms. From the start at Seattle Center, the course starts off down 5th Avenue, past Pioneer Square, and onto I-90 at Safeco Field. That takes care of 2 whole miles. 2 miles from one end of the city to the other. Then it's across I-90, through the Mt. Baker Tunnel, across Lake Washington to Mercer Island, BACK across the lake, south to Seward Park, back north through Leschi, up and over Capitol Hill, through the Arboretum, and back down toward Eastlake into downtown again for a finish at Memorial Stadium. Sheesh.

For a bit of scale, 26.2 miles is roughly the driving distance from:

Seattle to Everett
Seattle to North Bend
Bellevue to SeaTac Airport
and, for you Californians, Pasadena to LAX

Still, it's a good course that avoids a few of the things that suck about the Portland and Vancouver courses, namely shady industrial districts and crack house row. The long stretch next to Lake Washington is great, and the two parks included in the course add a nice non-urban feel.

Here are some highlights and lowlights from race day, separated into the first half and last half of the race.

0.0-13.1

Who needs to rest before an endurance event? I got somewhere around 3 hours of sleep the night before the race. I have no idea why I was so amped up, but I just couldn't sleep. And once I can't sleep, it all goes to hell. Worrying about waking up, about transportation, everything. And here I thought sleeping in my own bed the night before a 'thon would be a good thing. Nope. I'm like the Seinfeld marathoner, Jean Paul...
The Colleague and I slipped into Seattle Center the back way down 99 rather than dealing with the Mercer Street nightmare. Stress-free, cheap parking, and plenty of time to spare! A small miracle. I had a lot of time to walk toward the start, find the uncrowded port-o-johns, and start to plan my race. Local knowledge wins again.
Despite the fact that the Seattle Marathon organizers insist on sending all of the walkers and half marathon runners out right before the marathon runners, the start was pretty good. We were up to pace quickly and after a glimpse of The Colleague standing under the Monorail on 5th, I cruised through the first mile. A little fast as usual. In mile two I caught up with Owen the Tattoo Guy from Parlor F. Owen is a running machine who apparently just decided the day before the race that he should run a marathon this week. What the hell, right? We ran together for the next 13 miles or so, while he tried to talk me into running an Ultra Marathon this summer. By Owen's logic, if you can do 26.2 you can do 50. That's some sound reasoning right there.
Course Problem #1: The merge onto I-90 has two lanes separated by a concrete barrier. You go left, you are stuck left. Go right, you are stuck right. No signs and no volunteers to explain that every marathon walker is 1/4 mile ahead in the left lane? Awesome. Scene: runners coming up behind a mob of slow walkers on the first real hill of the course and jumping over the median to avoid them. Nice.
Running with Owen is its own reward for the pure entertainment of watching the crowd and other runners react to a guy in shorts and a tank top with tattoos covering most of his body. On the out-and-back sections we heard a lot of "Hey! There's the Tattoo Guy again! Go tattoo guy!!"
Course Problem #2: I know there isn't a good way around it, but running through the I-90 tunnel is miserable. It's incredibly loud and the air smells like exhaust even though the tunnel is closed for the race. I overheated like crazy in here and it is the part of the course where the walkers seem to want to stop and have coffee around the aid stations. Dodging walkers is great fun!
Running across the floating bridge could be cool, except for the dense fog that, after coming out of the oven in the tunnel, sucked every bit of heat I had right out of me.
A lot of really rich people live along Lake Washington, and many of them are NOT happy to have their road closed for an event like this. That's you, grumpy Asian guy. Thanks for stopping short of actually running anyone over to get out of your driveway.
To the woman chain smoking on the side of the course near Seward Park. $%k You! You know what runners love when they are sucking wind and trying to keep their pace halfway into a race? Cigarette smoke.
Praise for the Seattle Marathon: Aid stations every two miles through the whole race. Rather than having to memorize where they were from a map, I could just count on every odd mile having an aid station with water and Gatorade. Also, thank you for not having different energy drinks at each station based on sponsorship (Portland). I don't need to be switching from Gatorade to something else in the middle of a race.
The run around Seward Park was nice and reminded me of the halfway point of Vancouver through Stanley Park, only there wasn't a soul to be found at the 13.1 mile mark of this race. Isn't this a split? I at least want a kid with a "You're halfway there!" sign. Sheesh.
My half marathon split was right on my goal pace, but I knew the hardest part of the course was ahead of me, and I had no potential Colleague sightings until the finish.
Course Problem #3: Because the course leaves the city so quickly and spends so long on the Lake Washington side of town, it is impossible for spectators to get to multiple spots along the course. Portland has a similar problem, but even there someone on foot can get to 2 or 3 spots ahead of the runners. Vancouver is awesome for this. Seattle sucks. Sigh.

13.1-26.2

Let the beating begin! I like to think that Owen pulled away from me in the late teen miles, but I slowed down. My "even" effort was taking just as much energy but giving me less output. Still, I was around my goal pace and everything felt good. I was just dragging a little.
GU is gross. It tastes fine and everything, but once you are really working hard, it is hard to suck those things down for energy. I spent several miles telling my stomach to shut up about the torture, to little avail. During my complaining about this is when Owen told me that he ate 60 GUs during his 100 mile race this summer. 60? I had 4 during the 'thon and wanted to puke.
Climb! The Galer Street hill. Not so bad. For all of the worrying I did about this barrier, I pushed right through it. Slower than on the flats, to be sure, but solid.
Top of the Hill. Ouch. The climb wiped me out pretty good. It's mile 22 here, and I'm definitely, definitely tired. 22 is the limit of my long training runs, and anything after that is a crap shoot in terms of how my body will react. I still think it's weird that a the marathon people make the early miles so short and the late miles so friggin' long!
When the course dives into the Arboretum it should be time to start pressing for the finish. 4 miles to go! 4 measly little miles! Just suck it up. I got a little downhill spot and picked up my pace here.
And this is when the wheels come off. My left hamstring started to threaten to cramp so I changed my stride to keep it from locking up. But changing my stride has a ripple effect on the rest of my sorry, sorry, pathetic excuse for a runner's body. I kept the cramp from going completely postal on me, but I had to slow way down to do it.
Course Problem #4: The Arboretum is pretty. A narrow road winding through the trees above the city? Awesome! The problem? The pavement is NYC pothole bad. Asphalt on top of concrete on top of brick with some gravel and sand mixed in. Holes everywhere. So, add trail running awareness to this stretch of the course.
Back to the City! Coming down off of the hill and back toward downtown is a nice easy part of the course but I'm completely spent by mile 24. I get my glimpse of the finish line and decide between stopping at the pub right there on the corner or torturing myself for another 2.2 miles. I watch a few guys in front of me quit and sit down on the curb and decide that I don't really want to be one of them. So I keep going. Slowly.
Memorial Stadium. Done. Unlike my last two marathons, after the finish here there was no elation or happiness. In fact, I sort of lost consciousness for a minute or two after they took my chip and handed me a space blanket. The Colleague was hollering at me, apparently, but all I wanted to do was sit down and pass out.

Warm Bananas? Acupuncture? Are you kidding me? I was actually craving a banana and some water in the recovery area. But who serves WARM bananas? Actually heated up? And clam chowder? What?! I understand massage after a race, but acupuncture? What the hell? We bailed the "after party" as quickly as possible.

One day later and I feel ready to go for the next event. Stay tuned for Vancouver Marathon training plans! This time I won't be quite as embarrassed to be an American in Canada.

Thanks Barack!

(now fix my economy)

Seattle Marathon Pre-Race Musings

2008-11-26T10:20:00.000-08:00

Cut This!
We can get to the pre-marathon stuff in a minute. But how can I pass up commenting on the fecal matter that is hitting the spinning blades at The Learning Factory? First, some logic:

Enrollments are at an all-time high and were projected to climb again next year as a large senior class graduates local high schools.
With jobless claims at their highest levels in years, more people are going back to college to get trained how to analyze the poetry of T.S. Eliot (A valuable job skill. Shut up. What I do matters.)
Answer: cut funding by 20%, reduce enrollments, and fire teachers. Seems about right.

I get that we are in for a lot of changes and cuts in the next few years. But I have no faith that our "leadership" will be able to guide any of this with an ounce of creativity or thoughtfulness. Nope. This is going to be Lord of the Flies, fiscal edition. The latest rumor is my favorite because I know exactly where it started and who propagated it (and for what purpose):

Did you know that our dean is planning to fire all of us and only rehire a few tenured instructors as part timers so she has complete hiring and firing authority without recourse? Did you know that? It's true. Mrs. Saved Seat heard it from Eastern Bloc Guy and Pear Shaped Woman told Horrifying Former Instructor. That makes it true. Good times ahead.

Where's that RIF list now?

If I don't hear about at least a 10% salary cut of Mr. President's salary pretty soon, I'll be a little upset. Sure, I'll overload my classes and volunteer my previously paid extra work. But not if I don't see some salary cuts in administration. Seriously. The cost of living in Kansas is not that high.

Oh and also? Thanks for trying to cut the funding for our trip to Kenya, you pricks. Too bad those tickets were non-refundable.

Ok. Now Back to the Running Content.
The Seattle Marathon is this Sunday. Yes it is. Which means this week is pretty much taken up by me sitting around wishing I could lace 'em up and go for a nice 12 miler to clear my head. Instead, I'm pretty much sitting at home with a head clogged full of race thoughts, questions, anxieties, and fears. Good times for everyone.

The Pace. I am terrible at setting a reasonable pace and keeping it. I can't slow down for my long training runs and I'm worse in races. I need to come up with something that will keep me from trying to prove ANYTHING during this race. I did no speed work and I don't really have the mileage behind me to be pressing during this race. So I'm thinking I'll try to go out at an 8:00/mile pace and see what happens from there. That's the goal. But I have no idea how I'll hold myself to it. Chances are pretty good that I'll feel good enough to push and will end up with a few 7:30's in there, for which I will sheepishly apologize in my post-race report.
The Course. I've been looking at the course maps to try to visualize different parts of the race. I've done the Seattle Half Marathon a couple of times, so I know the first 4 and last 4 miles of the course pretty well. The start heads south down 5th Avenue toward Pioneer Square. Two very fast miles here, mostly downhill. The goal here is to stay even and keep from pushing early. Then there is a big climb up onto I-90 in front of that stadium where the Mariners lose all the time. Once this climb is over, it's flat and downhill on I-90 itself, through the tunnel and out onto the bridge for the first of two out-and-back sections. Aside from a short, steep climb on the east side of the bridge before the turnaround, the course is flat and fast from mile 3 through 19. Out and back across the bridge, south to Seward Park, then north along Lake Washington before the killer climb. Galer Street. Galer Street. This hill haunts me. 200' in less than a mile before the course dumps into the Arboretum. If I can keep from blowing up in mile 20, everything will be fine. There is enough downhill and flat running left in miles 21-26 that I can suck it up and push for the finish. I think. I guess we'll find out if living on this damn hill has helped my climbing ability any! Oh, and for anyone who hasn't done this race before, the finish inside Memorial Stadium, despite its obvious appeal for race organizers, sucks. After 26 miles of pounding mostly concrete roads (yes, you can tell the difference between concrete and asphalt) the last stretch is on the field turf of the football field. Read: soft and spongy. With already tired legs this surface might as well be sand or mud. Sucks. I can't believe more people don't take massive face plants here.
The (lack of) Support. Unlike Portland and Vancouver, which are both known for their fantastic support from locals, most of the Seattle course is a lonely, lonely place. Anyone care to volunteer to camp out on the hill at Galer Street and push me up? Shit. I will definitely be plugged into the Shuffle for this race.
Weather. The forecast is good. Which is good and bad for me. The evil streak in me was sort of hoping it would be dumping rain and blowing 40 knots from the south so I could change my mind at the last minute and just run the half. Sunny and 50 degrees? Shit. Now I don't have that excuse anymore.
I really don't know why I do this. I really don't. Running is stupid and no one should ever do it.
Also? This race is doomed. Ultimately there is not enough local support for it and no one comes into town for a race that is usually wet, cold, and windy (and dark). It is just a little to close to the Portland Marathon for anyone to really do a turnaround from that race to this one, it has very little local financial or personal support (every year there are letters to the editor bitching about how the marathon closes roads in Seattle. Oh the inconvenience!), and it is very poorly organized and managed. I love the idea of a home-town race. Traveling and staying in hotels before marathons sucks. But I just don't think this one will last much longer, especially with the Rock-n-Roll Marathon moving into town in June.

It's 11:00 a.m. on Wednesday. By this time Sunday I should be somewhere around Galer Street cursing those damned Greek cities for being so far apart.

Ten Things I (Think I) Know...

2008-11-20T10:59:00.000-08:00

Many of the brave patrons/clients/customers/students of the Learning Factory are really not cut out for the study of the liberal arts. Case in point: the student who asked me, through tobacco-stained teeth and from underneath the bill of his super-cool straight-billed baseball cap, if there was a way to get his English credits done without having to take English. Ummm. Here is a picture of said student and his study partners:
My resolve for suffering through the Seattle Marathon if the weather turns ugly is pretty low. In fact, my resolve for leaving the house if they weather turns ugly is low. Hell, my resolve for suffering through the Seattle Marathon if it's 60 degrees and sunny is low. Maybe I'll just stay home and eat Ruffles.
Ruffles are awesome.
I could totally go for some Ruffles right now.
The Colleague and I are officially headed to Kenya in June. Ticketed and ready. I'll start packing soon.
Ending the training and tapering in anticipation of a race sucks. I am forcing myself to stick to short, easy runs this week to rest up for the Marathon next Sunday. But, as Cap'n Ron has pointed out a number of times, short runs suck. Here's why. My body has gotten used to runs that are almost all 7+ miles and the more I run the longer it takes to get warmed up and start feeling good during a run. Way back when my longest runs were 5 miles, it took a mile to warm up. Now it isn't until mile 3 or so that I really know how a run is going to go. So when I do little 4 milers like today, I am never get to settle in. I am headed back to the Shack before it really even feels like I'm running. Sucks. Also, getting dressed, and geared up and talking myself into running takes longer than the run itself. Lame. Yes, I am complaining.
There's something wrong with the economy in this country. Has anyone else noticed this?
A few of the potential cuts at The Learning Factory might be a good thing. Does anyone know what the woman in the office across the hall from The Colleague actually does aside from chatting all day with Death Bed Chain Smoker? Remember all those "high demand" stipends and hiring bonuses that the computer crowd got back in 2000? Anyone else notice that they don't actually have students anymore? Just sayin'. Also, it seems like Mr. President could give up a little for the cause. The cost of living in Kansas is pretty low. Also charge for parking.
The girls know every word to every pop song on every radio station at every second of every day but they can't remember to put their shoes away.
It's cold and dark outside and I want to go to Mexico.
BONUS FACT: The Huskies are absolutely the worst football team I have ever watched. I think they might actually be more talented than the Cougar team that beat them this weekend in double overtime, but the Huskies' ability to find new ways to live down to their reputation is stunning. When they were leading by 10 points at halftime I knew they would lose. I just knew it. And I knew they would lose because of a ridiculously inept play at a crucial moment. It feels so good to be right! After they lose to Cal in two weeks I will have lived through 2 perfect seasons!

Going Small, Going Long, and Going Abroad

2008-11-14T18:18:00.000-08:00

Slowly Falling for a New Girl
I was already in love with the idea of her. Now I've seen her and it might be hopeless. The Colleague and I visited a 1977 Pacific SeaCraft 25 this week in Port Townsend. She is up on stands in the boatyard, dirty, neglected, and in need of a makeover and some new rags, but damn she's cute. Painfully cute. Wouldn't she look even better with us in the cockpit? I think so.

This is the sort of boat you can truly love.

A 25 foot boat that can cross oceans? A cutter rigged, full-keeled, stoutly built cruiser? A fun day-sailer that we can take up the Inside Passage? Hard not to fall for her.

The Dreams are Starting Early
I have pre-marathon dreams that don't quite count as nightmares but are certainly not what a therapist would call "positive visualization." Usually they involve either arriving at the race late or losing my way on the course, or both. Last night the "course" was weaving in and out of buildings and was riddled with obstacles and puzzles to solve. In the dream, every time I got up to pace I had to stop or turn around. I was always on my Boston Qualifying pace too, until something popped up and slowed me down.

So today I tried to scare off some of that anxiety by studying the route and elevation profiles for the Seattle Marathon. That didn't help. A mile long 300 foot climb at mile 20? WTF?

Do I Really Have to Eat Meat Again?
It's official. The Colleague and I are headed for Kenya in June to research and organize a short term study abroad program for The Factory. Seems that in addition to learning a handful of Swahili phrases, I might have to learn to choke down meat again. I don't want to offend The Colleague's ex-boyfriend's wife when she serves up some sort of dead animal. You know?

Things That are Long

2008-11-10T11:01:00.000-08:00

Fresh off the first of three long runs in preparation for the Seattle Marathon at the end of the month, I thought I would offer up a little run report and some thoughts on things loosely related to such pursuits.

RUNNING IS HARD (Especially When You Do it Wrong)
It's true. Sorry. While most of the running we do isn't hard (it's just tiring) there is a point in long runs where the very act of running three more steps is the hardest thing your body can imagine doing. I made the mistake of choosing a route that would give me a chance to climb some hills in the late miles of my planned 20-miler. The "logic" of the choice? Well, the Seattle Marathon has a hill late in the race, I should see what I can do with that. Moron. Am I the worst in the world at training the way I know I should train? Why didn't I stick with my original plan of running a one-way flat route along the Burke Gilman? The ONLY thing a long run is supposed to do is built endurance. That's it. Run slow and run long. Pace doesn't matter and neither does elevation. Run the track for speed, hills for hills, and long for long. Moron.

Here, for your entertainment, is the elevation profile of the run. Note what happens at mile 10. Then note miles 16-18. That's called "Simonds Road," where marathon dreams go to die...

WHAT NOT TO WEAR: FALL RUNNING EDITION
It's cold out. Right? Not really. It's in the mid 50s, windy, with a chance of rain. So why do I dress like I'm going to be standing on the sidelines of a youth soccer game instead of dressing like I'm going to be exerting myself for 3 hours? Because, in addition to being a moron (see above) I'm also a dumbass. I came very, very close to tossing my brand new Nike running shell around mile 8, hoping maybe it would still be there later when I came back for it. One plus: if a test of your hydration level is how much you are sweating, I can tell you with confidence that I was indeed hydrated.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?
To do any endurance sport (or, I imagine, to survive any sort of imprisonment) you have to be able to hold some pretty interesting conversations with yourself. Here are some things I've tried. None of them work.

Counting steps. I read about some famous marathoner counting the number of steps she took in a single mile and then trying to do the next mile in fewer steps. According to her, the "miles just fly by!" Bullshit. I lost interest and count at about 200.
Memorizing split times. When I first started running this was one of my standard mind tricks. But then I was only running 5 miles now, wasn't I? On this last run I started memorizing splits after mile 3, but I kept missing my miles and forgetting where I was, so it just pissed me off.
Mantras. At the Vancouver Marathon I was focused on conserving energy as much as I could in the early miles. Don't dodge too many people, don't get off track, don't overuse your arms, etc. I also had to remind myself not to pound my feet. It actually worked for a while to say "glide, glide, glide" as I ran, but let's face it, that sort of thing isn't sustainable for more than a mile or so.
Thinking About Baseball. Wait, that's a different blog...
Money. Not real money or real money issues. Sure, I could spend my running time thinking about the Shack budget, but I just don't think that would have much of a motivating or distracting effect. Long runs are the only time I play the "what would you do with x million dollars" game. It's a really complex one to figure out, especially if you happen to be running along the lake, past the waterfront homes and private moorings. I usually go with "that house, new boat" or something like that.
Delusions of Grandeur. I'll be honest, this one works, but only for a short term. Sorta like an energy drink or shot of espresso. Imagining the emotion and energy of finishing a race can be a nice 2 mile distraction. You can picture the clock, feel the elation of finishing, imagine the relief of crossing the timing mats, and puking on the volunteer removing your chip. Ahhh bliss.

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
I'm officially torn on the music thing. I like listening to my iPod when I run, but invariably a few different things happen. One, an inane pop song sneaks its way on there and bores itself into my brain never to be extracted. Two, I forget to charge it completely and lose power halfway through a run. Three, I get annoyed by the earphones or the cord or the little clip on my waistband and (often due to the cumulative effect of all three) want to pitch the damn thing into the river/lake/drainage ditch/garbage dumpster.

I do have a theory that I need to keep testing with this. Music seems to be the most memorable or apparent in the first 8 miles or so. Beyond that your brain is starting its slow descent into the fog of high mileage and even if the music is playing, you aren't going to really hear it.

All that said, it was a little moment of bliss when my Shuffle dialed up back-to-back Pearl Jam songs. "Alive" from back in the day, followed by their cover of The Who's "Love, Reign Over Me." The Who cover is fantastic, and I have a new appreciation for the percussion on that song after a recent night out with The Colleague. Seriously. Listen to the percussion. Go on. Do it.

I SMELL A SITCOM
Premise: Recently divorced liberal 30-Something keeps his house but spends all of his time down the street at his conservative friend's house because conservative friend is blindly loyal and supportive. Divorced liberal 30-Something only uses his own house as a place to store his kids' stuff and to host his trailer park girlfriend on the "down low." Conservative friend is a giant macho asshole who drives an impossibly big truck and treats women like shit. Still, liberal friend overlooks these character flaws in exchange for above-mentioned blind loyalty and access to dude culture.

Wait. That's not funny. Never mind.

ICE ICE BABY
I tried. I really did. I don't know how people do this. How are you really supposed to immerse yourself in an ice bath for anything more than a few seconds? This CAN'T be good for you. No way. Or maybe I'm missing something.

OH MY GOD, THIS FISH IS RAW!
I have said it before, and I'll say it again here: Sushi is the premier post-run food. A lot of easily digested protein wrapped in a little carbohydrate bomb, washed down with a Japanese beer? Heaven.

8:02?

2008-11-08T16:22:00.000-08:00

Last week I set out for a nice little 5 miler in the wind and rain. Here are the splits:

1. 8:02
2. 8:02
3. 8:03
4. 8:02
5. 8:00

On my 5 miler today I put my watch in my pocket and turned off my iPod after deciding to run "unplugged." Here are the splits:

1. 8:03
2. 8:02
3. 8:02
4: 7:59
5: 8:20

Have I found my Seattle Marathon pace? This has to be fate, right?

2008-11-03T19:07:00.000-08:00

This Would Be OK

2008-11-03T07:16:00.000-08:00

Ahhh Crap

2008-10-28T19:21:00.000-07:00

Quiz:

1. How many easily accessible bathrooms are there on this running route:

2. How many of them did GVB visit on today's 8 miler?
3. How many of them did GVB almost not make it to?
4. Which ones were either locked or ransacked of all paper products?

Title Hypocrisy and Musings Thereon

2008-10-20T18:42:00.000-07:00

SailRun ____Ride
Yesterday I met up with former Frat House Acquaintance for an 8 mile run. I hadn't seen FHA since I moved away from Greek Row in favor of Upcountry Maui way back when such a move seemed like a reasonable thing to do. It was great to catch up and try to chat while pushing a 7:30 pace, and as usually happens, we found that we had many of the same interests and experiences over the past 15 years. It was when we were sharing tales of sketchy alpine climbs, huge lead falls, and crazy aid routes in the North Cascades that I realized I might need to shave the "Climb" part out of SailRunClimbRide.

Or I could go climbing. Cap'n? You listening? I'm thinking something like this, for openers.

I don't want to be called a liar.

It was cool to talk about some of the classics and remember the broken bones, scraped knuckles, Ramen diets, 30 foot falls, sketchy aid gear, and near fatal rappelling accidents, but I will say that in telling the tale of Buck almost rapping off the end of the rope 300 feet off the deck in Leavenworth sped my heart up a bit.

Question: Is it really possible to be a responsible partner, professional, father and have any sort of climbing aspirations?

Running Content
I wimped out on my long route today once the thunderstorms and rain hit. I was planning at least 14 but hoping for 20. Instead I did 7. I know. I know. Lame.

Touch Me

2008-10-18T14:31:00.001-07:00

The Colleague is taking a stand against gadgets. I support that move for her. There is no way she could support both an iPod AND Facebook addiction at the same time.

But I can't help loving my new iPod Touch. All of my music, videos, WiFi, maps, photos, and my Outlook calendar in one place? AND it is completely intuitive to use? Yes please.

Best Thing to Happen in Husky Stadium All Year

2008-10-12T14:36:00.000-07:00

Race Report
Made my way down to good old Husky Stadium this morning for the Dawg Dash 10k. After meeting at RPD's pad, The Colleague, RPD and I walked the mile or so down to the stadium for the start. Here, in the traditional Race Report format, are 10 things about the 10Ks:

It doesn't feel great anymore to be down on the field in Husky Stadium. I know it makes me sound like I'm living in the past and all (and I'll admit it does make me feel old) but what a different place Montlake was BACK IN THE DAY when the football team was at least competitive. I don't even really need to go back to the early 1990s when we would go to the stadium KNOWING the Huskies couldn't lose. I would be happy to go back to the days when there was always at least a chance they would compete. I'm happy Willingham isn't recruiting from the Walla Walla State Penitentiary, but if Stanford can stay competitive with "quality guys," why can't UW?
On a related note, Husky Stadium is flat out falling apart. It really is a disaster. I can't help but think that Northwest recruits compare Husky Stadium to Autzen Stadium and say, "I think I'll go play for Nike U..." I know the renovation plans are pretty much scrapped thanks to the same folks who sent the Sonics to Oklahoma, but can we get something going on here?
I haven't run the Dawg Dash since BACK IN THE DAY when I was a scrawny little undergraduate English major, and my memory of that "race" is just as fuzzy as the rest of my college life, so I did some reading about this course beforehand. I was a little worried given all of the whining and complaining about the "hilly" course and the "steep, long climbs" across the UW campus. I'm not sure I understand what those bloggers were talking about. The first 2 miles are dead flat, leaving the stadium to the east and working out past the Crew House and around the stadium parking lot. After crossing Montlake near Hec Ed Pavilion, the course picks up the Burke Gilman northbound for a while before turning up hill toward the dorms and heading back south toward Rainier Vista. From there the course winds around through campus and back down to the stadium for the finish. Sure, it climbs up to the top of campus, but there isn't anything that really smacks you in the face. AND, you get to finish with 2 miles or so of flat or downhill running. I liked the course a lot, actually.
PR. Not that I have an extensive set of 10k number to compare against, but today was actually a 10k personal record for me at 41:46, which is a 6:44 pace or so. If I were to run this one again next week I could probably find another 47 seconds or so to shave off of there, but I was running pretty hard. If I really knew the course (and wasn't so worried about all the hills people complained about) I would have pushed a little more on the first uphill section through campus. Still, let's call it a PR and move on. Happy with that.
I don't mind if you want to run with your dog, and I know this race encourages dogs to "dash" with the runners, but isn't there a rule out there somewhere among dog owners about leash length? I think a 10 foot lead is a little excessive, and I don't love the idea of getting that strip of nylon wrapped around my ankles when I'm running at full speed.
RPD commented after the race about a runner who decided to orbit him like a moon as he ran. She would pass him and cut him off and slow down and pass him again, circling him as he ran along. I didn't have that experience, but several times I had people running right off my left heel, not to the side of me, not behind me, but overlapped with me in my blind spot. What the hell? Back off, man.
Shirt Rules Revisited. I covered this a year ago, but let's repeat it here. You get a race shirt before the race. This shirt is not to be worn during the race. Nor is last year's shirt from the same race. Nor, frankly is the shirt you got at the most recent marathon you ran. Souvenir race shirts are for training, wearing to the gym, or painting the living room. Technical souvenir shirts are for training. Not racing. I don't know why this is the rule, it just is. Anyone under 15 exempted from this rule.
Stairs. I spent enough academic terms wandering around the UW campus to know how to get from Building A to Building B. So I KNOW there are ways to get around without stairs. Why on earth would you build a race route with stairs in it?
Music. This is the 5th race I have done without any headphones on, and I'm starting to like it. Especially on shorter distances, I'd rather go without. Just sayin'. Also, if I can hear your speed metal clearly as I pass you in mile 1 (why did you line up with the 6 minute pace group again?) you are a problem to everyone around you. Also, they still produce speed metal?
Goody Bags. They just keep getting worse. But as I started to mock and pass by the offer a toothbrushes and toothpaste, I remembered the last time I had to pay $3.00 for a toothbrush and went back and filled my bag with the free ones.

Back to dreading the Seattle Marathon. And watching the Seattle sports scene crumble into the sea before our very eyes. Do I have to become one of those annoying fans who lives in one city but adopts a more perennially interesting contender from another city? (Red Sox "Nation" I'm looking at you.)

What?

2008-10-07T22:23:00.001-07:00

On why Barack Obama’s links to William Ayers are relevant in the campaign:

PALIN: It is pertinent, it's important because when you consider Barack Obama's reaction to and explanation to his association there, and without him being clear at all on what he knew and when he knew it, that I think kinda peeks into his ability to tell us the truth on, not only on association but perhaps other things also. So, it's relevant, I believe, and I brought it up in response to the New York Times article having been printed recently, and I think it just makes us ask the question that, if there's not forthrightness there, with that association and what was known and when it was known, does that lead us to ask, is there forthrightness with the plans Barack Obama has or say tax cuts, or spending increases, makes us question judgment. And I think it's fair and relevant.

Sigh...

2008-10-07T05:51:00.000-07:00

Now NYC has two MORE of my favorite things. But only temporarily. Safe travels ladies.

Getting Nothing Done, Much?

2008-10-05T13:05:00.000-07:00

I know, I'll set aside some time this weekend to get some work done on my online classes. Or...

Grade This!

2008-10-03T19:51:00.000-07:00

To all of the teachers in the audience, I would like to present you with the following assessment sample. Please let me know what grade this student should get, and what comments are warranted, if any.

Question One: Explain why the following sentence is grammatically or logically flawed, and offer a revision to the sentence which does not alter the meaning significantly.
“There is no way the soldier could of known there was a bomb in the vehicle.”

Answer: I don’t really want to get into a question like this. It is too nuanced and frankly seems like an unfair question. Car bombs are not really related to grammar issues and I want to talk about how the rest of the class sometimes says things that don't sound like proper grammar to me. That guy in the front row said "irregardless" the other day and I know everyone heard it and I can't believe no one is pointing that out now.

Question Two: Who is the better contemporary author, Sherman Alexie or Nicholas Sparks, and why?

Answer: I know it isn’t the answer you are looking for, but I’m going to go back to the car bomb question here and just point out that you are asking questions about things that I don’t think my classmates really want to focus on. I’m new to this whole school thing, and I tell you what, when I sat down with the former dean of this department and asked him how to succeed here I was pretty sure that my classmates would join me in my battle against these written tests. You know where I’m from we don’t have to do any writing like this. We just sit down and we do things and we make stuff. That’s what this test isn’t asking me. So I respectfully disagree with ya on that one.

Question Three: Name three of the key elements of the modern short story and give examples from your reading.

Answer: Last quarter the guy I sat next to in my Sociology class said that he liked that film “No Country for Old Men” and I have to tell you its things like that that make me just so mad I could spit. I mean that movie is violent and bloody and sends the message that people can just walk across our border. And if that is what my classmates think, I have to disagree. He actually said that. He did.

Question Four: Write a short analysis of Billy Collins’ poem “Introduction to Poetry,” which can be found in your text.

Answer: I’m not interested in what the textbook publishers have to say or what they decide should be put in my textbooks. Maybe this just shows that I’m not from here, but one thing I have tried to do is meet with people and get down to brass tacks on main street and ask my friends what they think and I listen. I really do listen and I haven’t heard anything from any of my classmates, or from the college, about how we are going to break free of this written word and proper English regime we’re in. I just like to do things a little differently, and I can’t believe that you aren’t asking me the questions I want to answer. Why aren’t you asking about my classmates’ answers? Focusing on my answer makes it seem like you are just out to get me. Let me tell you why this guy sitting next to me has the wrong answer. He read this poem seven years ago and is still answering the question the same way. How can the poem be about one thing 7 years ago and another thing now? It just doesn’t make sense. But maybe I’m just so new to this class that my approach is a little different.

Question Five: Looking back on this academic term and reflecting on your own learning, what would you say is the most important lesson you have taken from this class?

Answer: There’s so many things, you know, that I think my classmates didn’t learn along the way. And keep in mind that most of them have been at this college for a lot longer than I have. Where I’m from and where I learned about life it was different and people have to understand that I bring that difference and I wear it on my sleeve and that’s not going to make people happy. But again, my classmates have missed questions on every test they’ve taken along the way. There’s a long record of their errors. They should be held accountable for their lack of understanding and their failed attempts at perfection before they start pointing out lies about me. This is the first test I’ve taken so technically my record is perfect and I can’t believe that isn’t what you are looking at. It’s simple and it’s true. I’m convinced that my grade will be the highest in class and not only that, but I’m convinced that my classmates have a long record of just saying the right things to the right people at the right time so that they could “make it” at this elite school.

Random Thoughts UPDATED TUE 2:12 P.M.

2008-09-30T09:59:00.000-07:00

In what is becoming something of a tradition, I am happy to offer you a Blog Grab Bag today. We'll try to touch on a little of everything here.

UPDATE: The Colleague's vision has changed in the last 2 years. In one eye. There is some debate about the value in getting new lenses. Stay tuned.
Please Don't Kill Me. It would be just my luck to finally get my life together and have some student shoot me in the back for wronging him...My first officially psycho student of the year graced the doorway of my office yesterday. This is the sort of greasy misunderstood almost fat kid who is very likely to have a list of people who have wronged him. I think I made that list when I declined his offer to read his 700 page fantasy novel that he wrote in high school. I'm making myself feel better by presuming he doesn't have access to actual weapons. If you find a murdered kitten on campus, it is probably for me.
Update: Math Dude Freeze Out. After three actual face to face encounters in the early days of the academic term, still not a word from Math Dude. I must have really done something wrong. Can't wait to find out what it is.
Poems are Cool. Yes They Are. Try this one.
My Life
Joe Wenderoth

Somehow it got into my room.
I found it, and it was, naturally, trapped.
It was nothing more than a frightened animal.
Since than I raised it up.
I kept it for myself, kept it in my room,
kept it for its own good.
I named the animal, My Life.
I found food for it and fed it with my bare hands.
I let it into my bed, let it breathe in my sleep.
And the animal, in my love, my constant care,
grew up to be strong, and capable of many clever tricks.
One day, quite recently,
I was running my hand over the animal's side
and I came to understand
that it could very easily kill me.
I realized, further, that it would kill me.
This is why it exists, why I raised it.
Since then I have not known what to do.
I stopped feeding it,
only to find that its growth
has nothing to do with food.
I stopped cleaning it
and found that it cleans itself.
I stopped singing it to sleep
and found that it falls asleep faster without my song.
I don't know what to do.
I no longer make My Life do tricks.
I leave the animal alone
and, for now, it leaves me alone, too.
I have nothing to say, nothing to do.
Between My Life and me,
a silence is coming.
Together, we will not get through this.
Cankles. How does this happen? Just a question motivated by seeing my children's mother in capris. Speaking of capris.
Name That Factory Worker. Spotted on campus on an 80 degree fall day in black wool capris (Where on earth are these even sold? Wool is a winter fabric. Capris are a summer style. If this happened on Project Runway Micheal Kors would come unglued) AND a black sweater?
Pull the Trigger! Is it possible that RPD finally decided to purchase one of the 47 bikes he has tested over the last 2 weeks? Say it ain't so! I've got a wager on this one.
Get a Spine. Word on the street is that Al B is recovering nicely from having his spine removed.
Fall Cleaning. No confirmation of the rumor that Cap'n Ron might be down to fewer than 5 motorcycles in his garage. Of course, Cap'n was last spotted in Spokane purchasing a new 2-wheeler, so who knows what is really happening.
Etiquette Question. Is it ok to be a little entertained when your ex gets dumped? Just a little? I know it's ok to be entertained when your partner's ex gets dumped, but this is some gray area I could use some help with.
Fuji-me. After a nice 40 mile day on Sunday with AW and Factory Worker C, I'm feelin' the Fuji again. Going fast on skinny tires kicks ass.
Raise Your Hand. If you think Tina Fey makes a better Sarah Palin than Sarah Palin does.
I'm a Partisan Hack. Of course I would likely be voting for any reasonable candidate the donkeys put forward this time around, but I think I still get to be critical of people who are blindly voting for McCain/Palin because they are the elephant ticket. I mean, seriously? Those two are a disaster. Also, I have to stop reading the "Sound Off" political blogs. It makes me weep.
Twenty Six Point Two. I don't particularly want to run the Seattle Marathon. So that's awesome.

Well, that's about all I really have for now. I know, exciting stuff. Shut up.

Adventures in Corporate Phone Trees. Or, Why I Hate Maytag

2008-09-21T10:40:00.001-07:00

"Thank you for calling the Maytag Customer Experience..."

This is how you are greeted when you dial 1-800-688-9900, the toll-free number printed on all of our new Maytag appliances. And since pushing buttons is so 1998, this computerized experience asks that you speak your preferences at each prompt.

"Are you calling about a Maytag air conditioner or dehumidifier? Please say 'yes' or 'no'."

I've called this number 6 times this week trying to get our dishwasher repaired. The last time I called I timed how long it took to get through the prompts to the inevitable result (it turns out my request requires an actual person to talk to me.) 4 minute 35 seconds. And this is without any mis-understood responses.

"I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Could you repeat your answer?"

"FUCK YOU."

"I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Could you repeat your answer?"

Backstory: The Shack had perfectly functional appliances, but they were ugly. So, being good suburban consumers, the Colleague and I bought a whole new set of appliances. We even bought them a month in advance of needing them and scheduled our delivery for the move-in day at The Shack. Smart! Thoughtful!

Problem #1: At the tail end of the Southwest road trip, as we were driving away from Hood River, OR I get a phone call from the Maytag delivery guy informing us that our new gas range was backordered, so our new deliver date was 2 weeks later. Ummm. What? One of the six pieces we ordered was oversold, so we get none of them? Wrong.

Solution #1: The Colleague spends the better part of an hour on the phone yelling at various people who don't seem to care that we have four kids and no appliances in our house. Finally, sympathetic salesman manages to upgrade the range to one that is in stock. Still, our new delivery date is a week late. Nice. Such questions as "Who can I talk to about this mixup?" and "Whose fault is this?" are answered with silence.

Problem #2: When the Mexicans bring the appliances they refuse to hook up the range because it is a "slide in" versus a freestanding unit.

Solution #2: Whatever. Fine. I can do it.

Problem #3: "Um. We no can install the dishwasher because something is not work."

Solution #3: Order a NEW dishwasher with a new delivery date a week later. I suggest that perhaps the store who sold this stuff to me over a month prior might see it as reasonable to replace the dishwasher that day. No. No. The dishwashers aren't here. They're in another state and have to be shipped here when they are ordered. Right. That makes perfect sense. The delivery service claims helplessness. There is nothing they can do. It's the system.

Problem #4: New dishwasher is delivered, but the Mexicans don't know how to work it so when they are testing it, it floods my kitchen. Awesome.

Solution #4: I point out that they have overwhelmed the drain pump by starting and stopping a wash cycle without letting the unit reset. Ahhhhh. Now it works.

Which brings us to Problem #5: While The Colleague is finishing up her 3-Day Save the Boobs walk, I make one last effort at cleaning up the shack before heading out to meet her at the finish. Load dishwasher. Push start. Leave house. The Colleague comes home, eats something, checks the dishwasher to see if it is clean or dirty, adds her plate, and pushes start. Um. Those are clean, I say. No they aren't, she says. Ummm. The damn thing is running dry. Awesome.

Solution #5: Warranty repair to the rescue!

I bravely navigate the phone tree, from "Welcome to the Maytag Customer Experience" to "Please hold while I connect you to an agent who can further assist you" and am introduced to James, a helpful lad who steals a prime next-day service appointment for me. I block out the hours of 8-12 and am assured the service provider will call 30 minutes prior to arrival.

At 11:45 I start to think maybe they aren't coming. So I dive into the phone tree again. There is no obvious way to jump the tree, by the way, and if you try to answer a question before the disembodied voice finishes asking it, you get kicked out to the front of the list. Awesome system.

I am informed by Jennifer (Operator #38692, in case you want to talk to her) that my appointment is schedule not for THIS Tuesday, but 2 weeks out. No, I say, James scheduled me for today. Well, if so, it's been changed, because you are all set up for 2 weeks from now, she says. The next thread of words from my mouth weren't received well by Operator #38692 and the call ended with a new appointment for Saturday. Not ideal. There is a kid's soccer game that day and I have other plans, but let's get this thing fixed. 8-12 it is. Saturday.

At 11:30 on Saturday I have missed a soccer game and still have to wash Cheerio bowls by hand. I call the Maytag Customer Experience one more time.

"Well Mr. GVB we show that there are three appointments still ahead of you."

"So, 8-12 means what again? Are you in a different time zone than me? Is Maytag based in Hawaii?"

"He'll call when he's 30 minutes away. Thank you for calling the Maytag Customer Experience."

At 1:45 I have to leave the house to deliver kids to their Beading Customer Experience so I call to make sure I won't miss my mystery date.

"Well, you're scheduled from 1-5, so it could be anytime between now and then."

"Noooo. I was scheduled for 8-12."

"Well then someone changed it, because I only show the one appointment."

"You have to be fucking kidding me with this shit."

"Is there anything else I can do for you today sir?"

"The phrase 'anything ELSE' implies that you have done anything at all for me. Which you haven't."

"Thank you for calling the Maytag Customer Experience."

So here is what I have learned about buying appliances. You don't buy them from a store. We chose Big Box Store A because they had a good rebate deal going and the guy we talked to was nice. But we could have bought them from anywhere. The store doesn't stock anything, deliver anything, fix anything, or take responsibility for anything. Nor does Maytag deliver anything or stock anything. They sure as hell don't fix anything. The people they sent out to repair the dishwasher could be sent by any of the local Big Box stores. So when Super Nice Guy Repairman is in my kitchen, I can't really take my anger out on him, can I?

So I suck it up, turn on a football game, open the last summer ale in the fridge and sigh. I really just want a functional dishwasher.

Notre Dame lost to Michigan State, by the way. So there's that upside to the day.

Oh, I almost forgot. Super Nice Guy Repairman couldn't fix the dishwasher. The new float switch is being sent to The Shack overnight express and I have an appointment on Thursday from 1-5 to have it installed. I'm not optimistic that this will happen.

I have dishpan hands, and no Palmolive in sight.

Factory Preview 2008-2009, Now With More Rumors!

2008-09-19T17:55:00.001-07:00

Here is your long awaited preview of the 2008-2009 season at the Learning Factory, complete with odds. As always, these predictions are for entertainment purposes only. Please, no wagering.

The Sure Things:

The Pear-Shaped Meltdown. Now I realize that in the pre-season, the Pear Shaped Woman has been running a new offense that looks pretty good, but the smart money is on the same old results this season as last. The happy, cooperative demeanor of Week One will quickly turn sour in a Week Seven matchup with The Colleague at a department meeting. The smart play here is to avoid this wager entirely. That said, if you want to score big on one bet this year, I'm pretty sure you can find someone to give you 10-1 odds or better on the Pear Shaped Woman finishing the season with a positive record.
Size XL Sweaters. We've already seen some bulking up for the new season, and all reports indicate that we will see a move from the Large mock neck sweaters to X-Large. This is a safe money bet and might make a good parlay with one of the following wagers...
Math Dude Freeze Out. Place your money on complete radio silence and eye-contact avoidance between Math Dude and GVB for the duration of fall quarter. Pre-season observations indicate a complete avoidance strategy on the part of the Math Dude.
Part Time Faculty Relapse. In some books this wager is tied to the Pear Shaped Meltdown, which makes it a strong parlay option. Despite a very positive response to the pre-season, the inevitable downturn of winter and spring will leave many part timers disgruntled and angry, and at least one will become verbally abusive over his schedule. Too verbally abusive.
The Hyperbole Season. Remember last year's classic hyperbole season? The hits just kept on coming. "There are literally dozens of faculty who could teach that literature class" and "The Accreditation Team will look at our department and see how dysfunctional we are!" Well, this year promises to be even more exciting in the overstatement department. Expect several references to the "way it used to be" and dire predictions about the future of education (linked most often to the evils of online education). The smart money is on even more hyperbole this year than last, if you can believe it.

The Long Shots

The Replacements. Over-Caffeinated Vice President fired and replaced with internal candidate: 10-1
The Break Up. The rumors of the demise of the Factory's most scandalous relationship will lead to the actual breakup. 1000-1.
The Miracle of Life. Will the Colleague and GVB bring new life into the world this year? Insider information could help you on this wager, but the long odds should be enough to stay away from this bet (but just think about what a $10 bet could bring in on this one!) 1,000,000-1.
Kansas Rocks! President actually takes his stash of petty cash from under his mattress and moves his increasingly ineffective management style to Kansas. 10-1

Thanks for playing. It should prove to be a very exciting year at the Factory...don't make me come collect my money in person from last year's wagers. You know who you are, and it's hard to use that nice new iPod touch with broken fingers. Just sayin'

Anyone Want to Move to Texas?

2008-09-12T00:38:00.001-07:00

My Neighborhood Wants Me Dead

2008-09-09T20:21:00.000-07:00

Either living on top of this hill will kill me or I'll finally learn how to run hills.

The map above is an example of the sort of route I have to run to keep from climbing any of the truly big hills in the new 'hood, Even with this I only got 4.5 miles in AND I climbed 1300 feet.

Still there are perks, such as this view from the end of our street:

Other potential murderous factors:

Neighbor X. Timed incorrectly, and the run up the hill is a hit and run situation just waiting to happen.
Narrow shoulders. No, not mine...but many of the roads I need to get off this peak and onto the more reasonable routes around us are basically two lanes for traffic, a fog line, and a 10 foot deep drainage ditch.
Bothell Way, shown below on its best day:

Republicans. You have to go one block over, but once the houses get a little more expensive, the Obama signs disappear and the McCain signs go up.
The Burke-Gilman Trail, which is an amazing use of a rail corridor that I really wish we actually still had for rail (I know, I know, public transportation is for losers). I have seen enough bad collisions on the BG over the last 3 years that I don't even let the kids ride their bikes on it. It's safer to ride on Bothell Way (see above). Seriously people...slow the f down.
This is future tense since I've never lived on this mountain in the winter, but I am sure the snow and ice will be a wonderful addition.

Still I'm optimistic. So far the legs and lungs have held out, and we'll get to see how the hills pay off in the next race: The Dawg Dash 10k on October 12th. Speaking of which, this is the cover photo on all of the promotional materials for the race:

Ummmm. Who picked this? Let's start with #3250. He looks like a runner at least, but what's with that face? We all make stupid faces when we run, and the camera is good at capturing them, but don't you see that right away and keep sorting through the stack to get a better shot? And what about the frontrunner? He looks like he is stalking his next slashing victim. Yikes. I'm not sure I want to follow that guy on Twitter...but you can follow me now. Yes you can...

Squirrel on a Bass Drum and other Tales

2008-09-08T18:39:00.000-07:00

I'm Sure this Happens to Every Band Director
During The Colleague's birthday throwdown at the Casa de Playa, the Youngest Colleague Brother regaled us with what has to be the best "first day of school" story any teacher has ever witnessed and told. Now there is no way to capture the storytelling abilities of said Youngest Brother, so I will just tell you the following details and allow you to write your own tale. Note: details are in random order:

Youngest Colleague Brother is band director at local (elite) high school
Over the summer, a family of squirrels made a home in the ceiling of the band room
Young special needs student takes giant poop on hallway floor
Squirrel falls from ceiling onto bass drum
Vietnamese custodian vomits ONTO pile of poop on hallway floor
Crafty students use sousophones to build squirrel maze
Band director decides this is the best day of school ever

The Beach Report
The above-mentioned birthday bash for The Colleague has come and gone. Friends and family gathered at the beach for a last little taste of summer. There was no pomp. Little circumstance. There was quite a bit of snoring and a few skinned knees. When it was all said and done, The Colleague was officially 40 years of age and Supervan was loaded up with 15 bags of empty bottles. I hope you feel welcomed into your second 40 years, Colleague. There was a lot of love on that beach.

The Swarm
I love the warm weather and all, but the sooner we can get a nice hard freeze overnight to kill whatever damn bugs have hatched along the Burke Gilman trail, the better. There I am, cruising along the trail at a nice 8:30 pace when the swarm descended upon me. Little tiny fuckers that flew up my nose, into my mouth, into my ears, behind my Oakleys. It was heinous.

I found that when running west, into the sun, I could see the little swarms coming and sort of dodge them (when the trail wasn't blocked by teams of Super Lycra Dudes power commuting from Redmond to Seattle on their $3,000 bikes). But running east I only knew they were there because they were getting in my teeth.

The protein packed bugs in question are tiny, like little gnats or miniature mosquitoes, and the swarms of them are huge, maybe 20 feet across.

Anyone know the story with these things? I don't remember them from last fall but surely they are a regular phenomena on the old BG Trail. Whatever they are, they turned what was going to be a 9-10 miler on the trail (read: easy on the calves and feet) into a 6 mile loop back up into the Kenmore Summit, where the hills are steep and at least one neighbor wants me dead. Good times.

Coming Soon...
I have been back to the Learnin' Factory a few times in preparation for the start of the school year and it seems like I'm going to have to write my annual Learnin' Factory Prediction Post soon. It shouldn't be hard...not much has changed.

People really think these things matter, don't they? Stay tuned.

On Training and Planning

2008-09-04T09:34:00.000-07:00

I snuck out for a quick 5 mile run last night to loosen the legs up after the SJJ Half Marathon and found myself thinking along the way about training plans and theories.

I have read a lot of articles blog entries about mileage, pace, nutrition, rest, recovery...it never ends. To follow any of the plans that are out there, one pretty much has to forget about any other elements of life. And when you read the fine print on these plans, you quickly learn that no one really knows anything. I mean, sure we know more about heart rate, muscle recovery, and the other scientific elements of how the body works under certain conditions, but let me ask you these questions:

How many long runs should one do in the lead up to a marathon?
How long should the longest run before a marathon be?
At what pace should one run his or her long runs?
How much speedwork should a runner do in preparation for a marathon?

Everyone has an opinion on these things, but no one agrees. And all of the expert coaches seem to concede that their plans work for some people and not others. AND all of the expert coaches seem to agree that some people are just plain better suited to marathon running than others.

(It is probably no accident that everyone I ever climbed with has also run marathons, and having given up vertical climbing at altitude, many are now ultra runners...)

Not to discount the training programs and coaches - if I could afford one and had the sort of lifestyle that allowed me a strict schedule, I'd probably opt to have a training coach myself - but I have decided that training really just boils down to one thing:

Run.

Run short. Run long. Run fast. Run slow. Run on trails. Run on streets. Run with friends. Run to the store. Run home from work. Run from the cops. Run on the track. Run around the house with the kids.

I only put this out there because I tried yesterday to add some training plans to the Family Calendar and couldn't. My official training plan for the Seattle Marathon is as follows (comments welcome):

Average at least 40 miles per week between now and November 20th
Complete at least 4 runs of 20+ miles
Complete one run of 22 miles
Throw in some speedwork at the track when possible
Use the bike/trainer to keep lose on rest days
Get down to my goal race weight (165 pounds) by November 15th
No run longer than 3 miles during my 1 week taper
Change the playlist on my iPod. Good lord...
Use the word "fartlek" whenever possible
Show up on November 30th and run like hell for 26.2 miles

No calendar. No strict plan. Run when I can. If I get to the end of a week and I need 4 miles to get to 40, I'll run 4. If I need 14, I'll run 14.

Parenting

2008-09-02T14:38:00.000-07:00

I think the thing I enjoy most about visiting my kids' school is that it exposes me to the best and brightest adults around. Everyone in the town their mother chooses to live in is in shape, articulate, well-read, open-minded, educated, and progressive.

Wait. It's the opposite of that.

Today was my son's first day of kindergarten, and I got the pleasure of accompanying him. So we went to the classroom and found his little seat. We filled out a questionnaire together (his favorite food is hot dogs, in case you were wondering, and he is no longer afraid of the Mariner Moose). We introduced ourselves to the other kids and their moms (I was the only dad to be found in the building, of course). Then the kids went to recess and the moms and I went to the cafeteria to learn all about the wonderful world of Kindergarten. The Principal gave the same speech he gave when my daughter started Kindergarten 3 years ago, with the same jokes. He explained the bus schedule and how to pick kids up after school. He introduced the lunch ladies and the PE teacher.

SIDE NOTE: I have been wondering of late about Boy Kid's readiness for Kindergarten. He doesn't really trend toward the academic side of things (he is more into cross-dressing and playing with dolls). Any worries I had about his placement in the class and his standing among his peers is now gone. Don't worry about that.

Meanwhile, out of control toddlers and preschoolers who had been brought along by their mommies for big brother or sister's first day of Kindergarten, swarmed the room and generally tore the shit out of the place. The juice table the PTA had set up in the back was toppled, the Rice Krispy treats were ravaged, metal folding chairs were knocked over. And the screaming. My god the screaming! I looked up from my text-messaging (very polite, I know) expecting to see dozens of parents scrambling to calm their children down or maybe remove them from the room until they shut up. At the very least I expected to see their fat white faces flush with embarrassment at their kids' behavior.

Nope. It wasn't until one kid flat out decked another in the nose that any of the parents even flinched. And even then it went like this:

Mother of Puncher: "Dylan! You get over here right now or I'm going to swat you!"
Mother of Punchee: "Jonathan! Stop crying right now!"
GVB: WTF?

And then the question and answer period began. Holy Shi-

Are these the dumbest people ever? How do they dress themselves? How did they manage to raise kids to Kindergarten age without killing them?

Anyway, congratulations Boy Kid. Good job getting older. Don't shoot up the school with your mom's boyfriend's guns.

PR!

2008-09-01T20:05:00.000-07:00

Today was the Super Jock and Jill Half Marathon in Woodinville. I happened on this race last summer and raved about it on this very blog. It is a well-run event that attracts good runners. And it starts and ends at Red Hook. Not hard to take.

Last year I ran the 13.1 miles in 1:38 and change.

This year I came into the race with about 3 miles of training under my belt and no delusions of any sort of real performance. BUT, I also came into the race with my usual attitude of "go fast and see what happens." This attitude has not served me well in full marathons, but I can't help myself. Hell, even in training runs I have a bad habit of going too fast for too many miles. It's an illness. I have a team of professionals working on it.

Also new this year: The Colleague and offspring were not just spectators. Nope. They suited up for the 4 mile run-walk that went off at the same time as the 13.1. Go ladies go!

(For those who are paying attention, the 3-Day Save the Boobs walk is 2 weeks away, which at least partly explains The Colleague's participation in a walking event.)

The pre-race situation involved a long port-o-john line (duh) and some milling about in the prematurely cold late summer weather. Once I wandered into the starting area I saw something that looked a lot like this:

This isn't the exact artwork, but the style is unmistakably that of Mr. Owen Connell of Parlor F fame. Owen is responsible for all of GVB's ink and one of The Colleague's stylish tattoos as well.

GVB: "Excuse me, who did your tattoo?"
Runner Girl: "Owen Connell. Why?"
GVB: "He did mine too. I knew that was one of his designs!"

As we wait for the start I learn that Owen just completed the Cascade Crest 100 Ultra Marathon in 30 hours. I can't even begin to imagine the pain and suffering involved. The bitch of it all is that Owen doesn't really even train. He just goes out and runs. Fucker...

Back to the race: this is a gun time race, which I loath. I lose 50 seconds because every dickhead in a compression top thinks he is going to run a 6 minute pace? Grrrr. I managed to sneak ahead pretty quickly and posted a 7:10 first mile (though with all the weaving I probably ran 1.2).

Mile two clicked by and all was well. A small downhill section let me cruise in at 7:00 on the nose.

I really wasn't going for a time on this race. If I had felt tight or tired at mile three I was completely ready to throttle back and do an even 8:00/mile for the whole race. But I still felt strong, so I kept going. Nothing at stake here. Even a massive bonk didn't matter. At the water station in mile three I decided to see what I could do.

From mile 4 through the finish, the course is on roads and trails I have logged hundreds of miles on. I know every turn and hill, and I know distance instinctively from hours of training runs. I can't tell you how much this helped. I stopped looking at my watch and I just started running.

Blah blah blah I made it through the hilly portion on the UW Bothell campus and hit the trail again at mile 9. A quick glance at my watch and I knew I had it. If I didn't crash I had my PR for a half marathon. No way I was letting that one go.

I kept myself pushing by imagining the finishing clock and seeing something in the low 1:30s. When I hit the grounds of the Red Hook Brewery for the last .1 miles, started kicking:

1:33:50.

7:08/Mile.

I couldn't help pumping a fist and yelling a little. Shaving almost 5 minutes off my previous time? Awesome...Still, I hope there isn't any video. I'm sure I looked like a dick acting like I had just won the race.

And after I had calmed down I found Cap'n Ron and RPD arriving to share in the finish festivities. A nice IPA with The Colleague, the Offspring, and my friends? Awesome. Thanks for coming out, boys!

Thanks to The Colleague for knowing why I was so excited with my time. Sorry about the sweaty hug.

Now we turn our attention to the Seattle Marathon. I'm not trying to BQ at this one, but it will be a good stepping stone to Vancouver, where I hope to run the 3:15:00 I need to get my fat ass to Boston in 2010.

We'll see.

-g

Drool Worthy

2008-08-31T17:55:00.000-07:00

I went with The Colleague to Road Runner Sports today to get her outfitted for the 3-Day Save The Boobs Walk. While she was trying things on, I took the opportunity to check out the new Brooks T5 Racer. Yum.

I'm saving my pennies. There's still time to save the needed funds and get one short race on them before the Seattle 26.2! Right?

And yes, I do have a shoe problem.

Feels Like Summer Might Be Over...

2008-08-29T08:50:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened since my last entry here. Our Southwest Swing is over, our move is complete, the kids are gearing up to go back to their respective publicly funded learning factories, I signed up for my first race of the new training season...It's a busy time. Let's get started.

Road Trip!
SuperVan rolled up 3,335 miles on our last trip. Seattle to Boise to Sedona to Pasadena to Portland to Seattle with stops along the way in Malibu, Santa Barbara, and other places it wouldn't suck to live. Conclusions: I don't want to live in Sedona. I could handle living in Pasadena (that place might just be a runner's paradise with its wide sidewalks, gentle sloping hills, shade trees...I have to stop now before I start crying).

I understand why someone would live in Malibu (of course the money it would take to live in the home of the friend we visited would make living anywhere pretty tolerable), and I definitely get the Santa Barbara vibe. But I think I'll stick with Seattle for now, thanks. It is still relatively affordable (unlike Santa Barbara) and it isn't in danger of falling into the sea or being engulfed in a wind-driven inferno any time soon...

Our trip ended with an open-air Jack Johnson concert outside of Portland. And while the show was a good one, seeing him at Kokua Festival in Waikiki pretty much ruined us for any other concert experience. The people in Portland just didn't seem to get the idea. Chill out, folks.

I don't really care for Portland all that much. There. I said it.

If You Lived Here, You'd Be in My House Now
After 2 years of rental living to start our respective second lives, The Colleague and I swooped into the depressed housing market and lowballed a motivated seller into giving us a house. So we packed up the Palace and had three dudes move everything 5 miles west to the top of ANOTHER F-ING HILL. Welcome to the Shack. We're staying here for a while.

Buying an older house is always an adventure in other people's stupidity. As a general rule, most homeowners should NOT be allowed to own tools or to attempt remodeling projects on their own. It is customary, for example, to remove the appliances before re-tiling a kitchen. Who is so lazy that they leave the appliances in place and cut the tile around them? Oh, the previous owners of this house. Right.

In the Shack, GVB and The Colleague each have their own offices and all of the kids have bedrooms on the same floor. We got central heating, and we're alright. Ya Ya Ya. Come on over. Bring wine.

Train This
So back to this hill we live on. Shit. The Palace was at the top of a hill that gave me three or four running options. I could do the 3 mile loop on the hill and stay level, or I could go down to the valley at three different spots. Options. It still always sucked to have to come back up, but I had options. I like options. The Shack leaves me with only two options. Down our street (3/4 mile to the Burke Gilman Trail, by the way), or down the hill on the other side of the neighborhood, which is a 1.5 mile detour. Sigh. One compelling reason to take the back door route is that there is a neighbor 5 doors down that I really don't care for, and I wouldn't put it past him to run me over if he sees me running up the hill. Another compelling reason is that the hill really is steep. Brutal steep. 11 minute pace steep. Walk the bike steep.

Anyway, I'm officially on the training train for the Seattle Marathon. November 30th. Portland is too soon (though Cap'n Ron is still planning on limping the course on a broken leg and no training) and frankly, a weekend in Portland is just too expensive. The idea of sleeping in my own bed the night before a race is very appealing to me. The Seattle course is pretty rough (2 out and back sections and a nasty climb near the end) but I'll see what I can do. Who's in? Come on...

Up next is the Super Jock and Jill Half Marathon in Woodinville. Any race that begins and ends at the Redhood Brewery is just fine with me. I set a PR at this race last year, but I'm nowhere near ready to try for that again. Just going out for an 8:00 pace and using it as my first double-digit run of the season. We'll see.

Mr. Obama, Will You Please Be My President?

The Colleague and I watched the Democratic National Convention last night. Can we please just get Obama in office now and get on with it? Isn't it obvious? Please? Be my president. Please?

Then we wake up to find that McCain (who celebrates his 72 birthday today) has chosen...who? The Governor of Alaska as his running mate? What?

And then this story hits: GOP Says Hurricane May Delay Convention

New Orleans is Screwed
Karl Rove says the GOP "can't catch a break" when it comes to the weather. Hmmm. Maybe it's because the weather, which you can't control, is highlighting how stupid you are. McCain wants to expand oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico (meanwhile, Hurricane Gustav is bearing down on the existing oil platforms in the Gulf, which are being evacuated, and oil prices are climbing in anticipation of the production slowdown). McCain wants to focus on foreign relations and military experience abroad (meanwhile, Gustav is set to clobber New Orleans in a reminder of how utterly broken the GOP's domestic policies are).

So how can we spin this one? I know, let's postpone the convention and over-compensate for Katrina by lavishing the 300 people left in New Orleans with attention. Of course, if the storm doesn't hit a major city, screw 'em. On with the convention!

One does wonder, if New Orleans gets hit again this soon after Katrina, does that increase the chances of the NBA leaving New Orleans to return to Seattle? Hmmmm.

Welcome to the LPGA. Speak English.
The LPGA has announced that it will require all players to speak English by 2010. What? They claim this is for the players' own benefit. In Pro-Am events, they say, it is important for the players to be able to communicate with sponsors. How very progressive of you.

College Football Season Begins
And GVB is nervous for his Huskies. Very nervous.

South by West - Part Three WARNING, ACTUAL RUNNING CONTENT

2008-08-13T19:19:00.001-07:00

The Seattle Marathon is Sunday, November 30th.

I haven't even tried to run once in the last month.

Rumor has it one should train before running a 26.2 mile race.

Since you have to start somewhere, I started at the front door of our vacation condo in Sedona, Arizona.

Some variables for you:

1. I haven't run a single step in a month.
2. Sedona is roughly 4,600 feet above sea level.
3. I live more or less at sea level.
4. Today's high temperature in Sedona was 99 degrees.

The sum of variables 1-4 is a really shitty first run of the training season. 4 miles with a lot of hills and some seriously nice slickrock trails.

The conclusion of this research is that I have a LONG way to go before I'm close to ready for the Seattle 26.2. And if I am seriously going to try for my Boston Qualifier in May at Vancouver, I need to put some miles together and get things in shape again.

Since today didn't kill me I'll try again tomorrow and add a couple of miles. With luck I'll get out before the temperature hits 100.

At the end of the week we'll be in Pasadena, where I'll try to get in a couple of long-ish days, so that by the time we get home from this trip I'll be back in the swing of things. In theory.

Other things I learned today:
•4 bedrooms with a view in Sedona will run you $1,000,000. Now, I don't know about you, but $1,000,000 seems excessive for an adobe in a forest fire zone. Without a pool. Why doesn't anyone around here have pools?
•Sometimes other people's kids are a serious pain in the ass. I'd say 90% of the time.
•I'm a fan of a full night's sleep.

South by West - Part Two

2008-08-12T13:18:00.000-07:00

It isn't a mystery to anyone who glances at this blog that I have more or less given up running in favor of endless bouts of leisure and relaxation, punctuated only by air and sea travel. But with the Seattle Marathon on the horizon (Thanksgiving weekend) it's time to get back on the road and build up some miles.

Today I scouted out several good routes around our current location in Sedona, Arizona. A nice 5 miler tomorrow morning ought to get me back on the road in style.

On my scouting walk today I learned some things.

1. The only people who live in Sedona are very restless retirees from northern cities and totally fried hippies who aren't even really sure they live here. It's a scary combination, especially on the roads. I also encountered one resident who was a deadly combination of burned out hippie AND northern city retiree. She stared at me from behind the wheel of her Jetta with the sort of fixation that either said "I think I remember you from a past life" or "you seem threatening to me and I might run you down." I casually stepped into the gutter to avoid whatever was going to happen next.

2. If you cover your doublewide with Stucco you can turn white trash into desert white trash. Adding a wagon wheel or cow skull to the fence is the finishing touch.

3. No one really wants to live here. They think they do, but they wish they had made another choice. It's in the eyes. Everyone here looks like they are begging to be adopted and taken to a better life with less heat and fewer poisonous animals and plants.

4. The staff at the Wyndham Sedona is wildly incompetent. Luckily they are also rude.

5. Whoever designed the above mentioned resort had no training in traffic flow or pedestrian tendencies. No sidewalks connect to anything, and all of the natural flow of the place goes right through plantings and rockeries, almost all of which have signs that say "Please don't climb on Red Rock." Well, assholes, people climb on the rocks because it is the shortest path to your pool.

6. I also found the brewery. But that's my little secret.

South by West - Part One

2008-08-11T17:06:00.000-07:00

The Colleague and I returned from Belize and stayed home for a week, during which we had our water heater and furnace replaced at the new casa, hung out with the kids, and packed SuperVan for a trip south.

Destination 1: Sedona, Arizona. A week of heat and beer and pool water in the mountains north of Phoenix. 21 hours of driving interrupted by a failed camping attempt and a super fantastic hotel room in Boise, ID.

SuperVan is up to the challenge. 1300 miles into the trip and she's happy as could be.

Cheapest gas: $3.89/gal. Most expensive gas: $4.29/gal.

More later.

Belize It. Wherein GVB Babbles About Travel, People, Food, Drink, and Books.

2008-08-05T20:45:00.000-07:00

So, Belize doesn't suck. I'll give it that. The Colleague and I are back from 15 days on land and sea in what I can only imagine is the coolest, friendliest Central American country there is. The stories are endless, of course, but my patience for writing them out and is not. So here are some pictures:

Hotel Mopan in Belize City. If you want to watch "Police Academy" in a dark bar and drink warm Belikin beer, this is the place.

Speaking of Belikin Beer, here it is. The ONLY beer in Belize. So even though it isn't good, it's the best beer in the world.

Public Transportation in Orange Walk, Belize. Wherein GVB pissed off locals by keeping his window down. Apparently the hotter the inside of the bus is, the happier people are. This particular bus took us from Orange Walk to Corozal.

For some reason related to tropical heat and sleep deprivation, we thought this was hilarious.

Apparently the Mayans built some huge temples in the jungle. Not pictured: bugs the size of small aircraft.

Caye Caulker is a tourist nightmare, but if I have to suffer through a day or two with a private beachfront cabana and the only pool on the island, I guess that's ok...

Welcome to Placencia, where the streets are sidewalks and the people like their signs.

And then we got on this boat with The Colleague's family. This is a big ass boat. 47 feet long and at least as wide. It sailed like a shipping container with a stick coming out of it, but it had air conditioning and 600 gallons of water, which we went through in 3 days. It was comfortable though. I'll give it that.

Did me a lot of reading on this trip. Here I am reading "Thunderstruck" by Erik Larson. Maybe someday I'll make a list of what The Colleague and I have read this summer with some reviews. Maybe. What I have decided is that most writers can't sustain a good book through the end. I haven't read a book that was consistently good from beginning to end all summer. "Exit A" by Anthony Swofford came close and is so far my fave of the summer...

Oh yeah, Belikin. There was some of that on the boat as well. 12 cases to be precise. Most sailors worry about running out of fuel, water, or food. We ran out of beer. It was about this time that The Colleague swore she would never touch another Belikin again.

I've seen worse anchorages. This is Tabacco Caye, the local economy of which is apparently based on the frequent discovery of Colombian cocaine washing up on the reef. I believe this was the first night of charades on the foredeck, during which I had the pleasure of acting out obscure 1960's movie titles. Thanks Colleague's Dad!

After a week of almost not grounding the boat, we made our way inland to Maya Mountain Lodge. People there are too nice for their own good and the cabanas, as you can see, suck.

Go to Belize. And be ready to answer the following question every time you meet a local: "You want some weed, man?"

Not a Bad Start (and other thoughts)

2008-07-04T08:23:00.000-07:00

I'm Sailing! I'm SAILING!" -What About Bob

The Colleague and I pulled back into port after 11 days afloat. I thought about writing a long narrative of the trip, but that seems like work, and this is summer. So instead here is a brief rundown of the adventure:

•Day One: Hope Island. Perfect weather on the longest day of the year. It was light out until 10:30. Tapped into the first box of our finest purple wine. Cruising Note: There ARE three mooring buoys at Hope Island, but only at low tide. We tied to the mysterious third buoy and watched as it disappeared as the tide rose. Dear Washington State Parks, please do occasional maintenance.
•Day Two: Blind Bay. After running Deception Pass and battling rips and currents in Rosario Strait, we sailed through Thatcher Pass and up to Blind Bay on Shaw Island, where we grabbed a mooring and kicked back. The decent cell phone coverage allowed us to buy a house while we were at it. Yep. Bought us a house. By the time we return to work in the fall we will have changed addresses. Goodbye Bothell. Hello Kenmore. Oh, and in case you are ever tempted to forget, the currents and rip tides in the San Juans are pretty epic.

•Day Three: Poet's Cove. Canadian Awesome. Motored out into San Juan Channel and then sailed downwind straight into Bedwell Harbor on the better side of the US/Canada border. Question: how does Verizon know where the border is out here? Cleared Canadian Customs with a phone call to a friendly young lad in Victoria, took a dip in the resort pool, sampled the cocktail offerings at the resort bar, and sent paperwork for above-mentioned home purchase. More purple was consumed.

•Day Four: Montague Harbor. Pub Bus. Is this the best cruising harbor in the Gulf Islands? It might just be. Perfect anchorage, friendly people, and the Hummingbird Pub. Did some boat cleaning and found that there was fiberglass under all the green shit on deck. The Colleague began the tanning plan. The bikini choice was met with great approval.

•Day Five: Montague Harbor. Lucky Lager. Why not stay one more day? No need to click off any nautical miles on this day. We hung out, went for a long walk, bought some provisions (an 8-Pack of Lucky Lager? Does it get any better?) and stopped back at the Hummingbird for a pitcher.
•Day Six: Winter Cove. Umm. Perfect? The cruising guides barely mention Winter Cove, and when they do all they say is that it is shallow. What they don't mention is that it is picture perfect and a rock solid anchorage. You tell me how good this is:

•Day Seven: Customs at Roche Harbor. Lame. Reid Harbor for the night. We turned back toward the states and had to go all the way into Roche Harbor to clear customs. Let's just say that the experience coming back into the country is not as pleasant as leaving it. These D-Bags they hire to act tough on Dubya's behalf piss me off and I'm not so good at hiding my disdain for the work they do. I don't feel an ounce safer, and I'm getting sick of the questions and the tough guy attitude. Also, it's none of your damn business how I know the woman I am cruising with. She happens to be my Colleague. Don't you read blogs? Shit. Any who...once we were reluctantly welcomed back into our own country, we topped off the fuel and the beer supply and headed for Reid Harbor, which for my money is the best anchorage in the San Juans. Once there all we did was eat, drink, read, play Scrabble, and basically chill the hell out.

•Day Eight: Reid Harbor. Hot Nasty Bad Ass American Leisure. Also hiking and swimming.

•Day Nine: Cypress Island? Nope. No room at the inn. Seems like people have discovered the new mooring buoys in Eagle Harbor. Anacortes? Sure. About time GVB had a shower anyway. We blew the day's budget on cold beer at the Rusty Trombone Pub.

•Day Ten: Everett. 45 nautical miles. Through the Swinomish Channel (nice little log collision to keep us on our toes) and into Skagit Bay in zero wind. Westerly came up in Skagit Bay and built all afternoon. Long story short: torn headsail, busted furler, fucked up rudder, and one bruised up Colleague (after a nice fall down the companionway stairs). But home is nice. Not ready to stay back on land, we hunkered down in the marina for one more night aboard.

•Day Eleven. Cleaned up the boat, loaded SuperVan, and headed to The Palace, which will no longer be our Palace as of August 23rd.

Next Up: Fourth of July Fiasco with the GVB Family and the McMillionaire at Hood Canal.

Next Next Up: Two Weeks in Belize? Ok. Sure. Why not?

Please note the absence of any running related notes. That is because I haven't even laced up the shoes in 2 weeks. I'm considering a nice easy 6 after I post this little entry, but will likely talk myself out of it in favor of a PBR on the deck. With a view like this, it's hard to do anything else:

I do have running-related news. Instead of running the Portland 26.2 this year I've decided to stay in town and try my legs at the Seattle Marathon. No travel costs and a chance to run near home. Also another month to train.

OUT OF OFFICE

2008-06-20T11:35:00.000-07:00

We're out.

San Juan Islands
Gulf Islands
Hood Canal
Belize
Sedona
Pasadena

And anything in between.

Man Down!

2008-06-02T11:38:00.000-07:00

Well this ain't good...Seems our beloved Cap'n Ron took a digger somewhere near Tonasket on the big GS. Of course our first concern is the bike, but apparently it is ride-able and suffered only cosmetic damage (a LOT of cosmetic damage, but still).

We haven't spoken with or seen the Cap'n yet, but early reports are of a broken tibia and some compression fractures of 2 vertebrae. Yes, that counts as a broken back.

We at SailRunClimbRide are worried about Cap'n Ron and hope to be able to join him for therapeutic alcohol ingestion soon. Speedy recoveries. And for those of you on two-wheels, watch for wet, oily patches of pavement. As the Cap'n has learned, guard rails hurt.

See you soon, Cap'n.

Random Things

2008-05-27T13:50:00.000-07:00

...I have essays to grade...

...I don’t need a theme or a structure or even a cohesive idea. Right? I can just write some things down and upload some pictures and that makes it a blog post. Right?...

…Cap’ Ron mentioned some time ago that Anthony Bourdain was his new hero. I was more of a Les Stroud fan, but I’m leaning Bourdain’s way. This is why Jesus invented DVR technology. I’m pretty sure he is the guy that any of our significant others would leave us for, gentlemen…
…while I’m sort of on the subject of reality television I might as well cop to watching 4 straight hours of The Deadliest Catch the other night while The Colleague was out of town. Sure I could have been productive in my sleeplessness, but isn’t it better to watch someone burn through their own fingernail with a hot needle to relieve the bloody pressure building up behind it? Gross. Also, I don’t care how staged the fishing and filming is for that show, it would be a brutal, scary job. No thanks…

...this is pretty much how I spent Memorial Day weekend:

…The Learnin’ Factory is bound to be on the news soon. Someone is angry about no longer working for this fine institution of higher learning, and I have a feeling said someone is going to keep making a massive scene about it…

…My father doesn’t know a damn thing about boats, how they work, or how to sail them. Nor does his neighbor the McMillionaire. So they are of course the perfect candidates to buy a 1935 48’Atkins Cutter that needs to be completely refit and rebuilt. Great plan. It will either cost three times as much as they plan or take three times as long to get it finished and launched. Maybe both. The real wager is how much of the work GVB will be coerced into doing…

…congrats to Al B on the first tri of the year. Nothing like swimming in Long Island Sound in May. Al’s extremities will be back to normal temp any day now…

…and there’s this dickhead…

…Here is a picture of the student population of one of my Research Writing classes:

Now I know why their work is so stellar and why they are never in class…can you pick out the ones who will never play a single inning of professional baseball? If you said every guy making a hand gesture AND/OR flexing his arms, you’re right! Seriously, everyone in the front row is in my class. All of the future ex-ball players with eyeblack on were in my class in the winter. Sigh…

…but seriously, congratulations to our college baseball team on winning the championship. Enjoy your three year minor league careers followed by a crippling day-to-day job roofing houses outside of Mesa, Arizona…

…how much do the Mariners suck? Did someone from Oklahoma City buy them too and not tell us?...

…I couldn’t make this one up: “On July 3rd, 2007, Amy Stewart purchased a vanilla latte at a Starbucks drive-thru in Kent. When she put it to her lips to drink, the top popped off, spilling the coffee down her front and burning her. She filed suit against the coffee giant in King County Superior Court on April 25th, 2008. Her husband joined the case, suing for “loss of consortium” – legalese for sex and other spousal-specific activities.” Does he have to prove that his sex life was good enough that the loss of that sex life was damaging to him? Can’t wait to see how this one plays out…

…you are all free to join the GVB-Colleague boycott of Starbucks, by the way. Not because of loss of consortium (which I assume only applies to married couples, right? Because no one else should be consorting) but because they keep fucking up our drinks at the drive-thru. Lattes mysteriously get flavor added to them, cappuccinos taste like lattes, and drip coffee is scorched beyond its natural life. Add to that the insult of the “upsale” (would you like more something expensive and fattening with that?) and we have a good reason to drive on by. Still, the convenience of our local drive-thru kept us going back. And then last week I ordered two drinks. Total $6.47. Bubbly Upsale Barista happily smiled and handed me $13.00 in change. “So, is it policy now to keep the change?” “Oh, you wanted the small change too? Let me get my manager to open the register for me.” Seriously? I know it isn’t much in the grand scheme of things, but you owe me $13.53 you bitch. Give me my money!

… The University of Colorado is considering a $9 million program to bring high-profile conservatives to teach on the left-leaning Boulder campus…

...it need to be summer now. That is all…

Race Report - Straight Up

2008-05-06T11:07:00.000-07:00

The Colleague and I are back from Canada, where I ran the Vancouver Marathon on Sunday. We had a great time in one of our favorite cities, and I had a pretty good race, too!

The blow-by-blow report follows, but for those who only want the punch line, here it is: I ran the 26.2 miles in 3 hours, 34 minutes, 25 seconds. My time was a full 20 minutes faster than my last marathon (Portland last October), and I felt much better about it. Just let me say once again: 26.2 miles is farther than anyone should really ever run.

The Start: The race starts and finishes outside of BC Place Stadium. Cap’n Ron and I lingered about halfway back in the starting queue so we could chat with Hayden and Mrs Cap’n Ron as long as possible before starting, and so we could keep our jackets on until the last minute. At 7:00 in the morning it’s just too damn cold to be standing around in shorts and a t-shirt. But there was a consequence to this: When they started the race it took us over a minute to shuffle across the line, and the frustration of the crowd would last a while...But we were off. My second marathon. My goal was to finish, to beat my Portland time, and to not injure myself in the process. Anything from 3:20 to 3:40 as a finishing time was perfect with me...

Mile 1 (8:10): Get these people OUT OF MY WAY. The first mile of the course has a lot of turns and narrow streets to navigate, and it doesn’t open up until Mile 2. So I spent the first mile burning way too much energy trying to pick my way through the 9 and 10 minute pace runners who for some reason like to run 3 abreast in the middle of the course. They also like to suddenly and without reason weave and change directions. Not at all frustrating.

Mile 2 (7:38): The course started to open up a little bit here and I picked up. Cap’n Ron smartly stayed at his 8:00 goal pace, and I wouldn’t see him again for a while. This was more like it. I wanted to run 7:30s if possible, at least for the first 18 or so just to see what my Boston Qualifying pace felt like. I need to run a 3:15:59 marathon to qualify for Boston. And while I had no real delusions of qualifying in this race, it is my goal for Portland next October.

Mile 3 (7:25): Right on pace and cruising. This is part of a short out-and-back sequence with a small climb. Just before the mile marker we got to watch the leaders coming the other way (they were running 5 minute miles, and the winner - a Kenyan - finished in 2:15:15). It was great to watch them already battling one another for position and even greater was the load applause and cheering on they received from the rest of us slow people.

Mile 4 (7:23): At mile 4 the course turns back toward downtown and heads downhill. I hit the first water station here and slowed down to make sure I got a good full drink. One of the mistakes I made in Portland was running through every station at full speed. Slowing to a jog allowed me to take in plenty of fluids (and skip a few stations along the way as well).

Mile 5 (7:15): Too fast, but feeling really good. At this point I know I will see The Colleague pretty soon. She and Mrs. Cap’n Ron planned to be at mile 7 up in Chinatown...

Mile 6 (7:20): I grabbed another quick drink here and was still cruising. I was doing math in my head to see if I had caught back up to a 7:30 pace. Not yet. I also noticed a small annoyance that would piss me off later as my brain started to melt down: my GPS was off by about .25 miles from the race markers. And my miles were clicking by faster than the course markers. This meant that my watch would read 26.2 miles well before I was actually finished with the race.

Mile 7: (7:22): This mile takes the course through a part of town that I am not sure I would walk through alone in the daytime. Consider it a complete tour of Vancouver...in addition to Stanley Park, the Planetarium, the waterfront, and the Science Center, we got to see the methadone clinic and the burned out carcasses of several Buicks. And this is where The Colleague and Mrs. Cap’n Ron were hanging out? Yikes. Right before the 7 mile marker there they were! I can’t tell you how great it is to have that support along the course. In this race, knowing that The Colleague would be at miles 7, 11, and 17 gave me something to focus on as the miles added up. She had fuel and water for me, but I was still doing fine and had 2 gels with me for fuel. Hi Colleague!

Miles 8 and 9: (7:25, 7:32): Big climb here and the most boring part of the course. Miles 8 and 9 loop away from town through a fairly dodgy residential district. Unlike the rest of the course, the people on the sidewalks here seemed baffled by what all of these runners were doing, so there was no cheering on or support out here. Somewhere out in this wasteland I where I notice that I am starting to “slap” my feet down in my stride and I have to focus to keep a smoother motion going. This is also where I start talking to myself. At this point it is standard stuff - “come on, smooth strides” or “easy, easy”. Later I start the self abuse...

Mile 10 (7:20): I know I’m running a little fast here, but at this point I have decided to go as fast as I can as long as I can and then suffer through whatever is left. Not exactly a sound or recommended strategy, but I do have a disease that always makes me want to see how far or fast I can go. Even in training runs. By now I am also having serious delusions of a Boston Qualifying time. That doesn’t last long.

Mile 11 (6:52): WAY too fast. Woops. Cruising up Hastings Street I see The Colleague again. She is screaming and yelling and making me very happy. AND she has some Clif Blocks for me to eat. Solid food is great about now, even if it is in gummy form. See you in 7 miles!

Mile 12 (7:10): Here I fall in with a group of 4 friends who are pacing each other and running in a close pack. I short of draft them and zone out, but they are chatting and telling jokes to keep themselves busy, and I just can’t take it, so I let them go ahead of me. We’re just about to Stanley Park which I was looking forward too...

Mile 13 (7:37): Coming up to the halfway point I’m still feeling strong. Stanley Park has a lot of little hills that don’t show up on the elevation chart. Ugh.

Mile 14 (7:42): Past the halfway point now, and the miles remaining start to shrink. From here on out, the marathon is just an exercise in not quitting. This mile turns and climbs a long hill through the park and I see my first real human wreckage – a guy younger than me rolls his ankle on the edge of the pavement and tumbles into the brush. By the time I get up to where he crashed several people are helping him so I keep going. And I start to think that a twisted ankle would be one way to get out of this race more quickly than running another 12 miles...

Mile 15 (7:52): Notice anything? It’s the slow-down portion of the race. Here’s how it went. In mile 15 I was cruising along and still feeling somewhat human. I had a gel here and looked forward to seeing The Colleague at mile 17. I don’t know if my stride got longer or I stepped wrong or what, but my right hamstring gave me that twinge that said, “Hey man, stop running or I’m going to lock up on you!” So starting at this point I am running at whatever pace feels like it is right on the edge of cramping or pulling a muscle. I slow down. Still doing fine, but slower than my muscles and lungs could go. The damn hamstring is my limiting factor now. Grrrr.

Mile 16 (7:44): This last bit through Stanley Park is slightly downhill and really pretty. I zone out...

Mile 17 (8:05): Along Beach Ave now. They use this street for the Sun Run 10k too, and I have to say it is much easier to take when it is mile 2 than when it is mile 17. There is always good crowd here though, and the energy is high. Second human wreckage sighting – a young woman passes out on the grass. Soft landing, anyway. My last Colleague time before the finish is coming up!

Mile 18 (8:11): Climb! This is the start of the biggest climb on the course. Up and over the Burrard Bridge. And there is The Colleague! It is so great to see her at this point and it keeps me going up and over the bridge. The climb isn’t bad this direction (but my hamstring is threatening to revolt on me even more). And, knowing that I have to come back over this bridge on the return just sucks.

Mile 19 (8:13): Mile 19 is a blur. I remember none of it.

Mile 20 (9:42): Blow up! I found the wall, and it is at mile 20. It is still more my hamstring than my endurance or anything else, but I’m not quite ready to push it and run 6 miles with a cramp or a pulled muscle, so I have to throttle back a lot. I have started walking through all of the water stops to rest a little bit and get as much fluid as possible.

Mile 21 (9:03): Mile 21 has a short out-and-back section in it after the turnaround and this is where I see Cap’n Ron for the first time since Mile 1. He is definitely catching me, and I figure that if he is able to stay on pace he will get his Boston Qualifying time. He needs a 3:30:59 to make it. A big high five as we pass each other.

Mile 22 (9:01): I am totally frustrated because I know I could be pushing harder than I am. This part of the course is very hilly and I am tired enough now that the uphills seem steep and the downhills seem flat. Still talking to myself, I start in on the self abuse. Insert your own negative self-talk here. Sprinkle liberally with profanity.

Mile 23 (9:18): I make the mistake of thinking about the upcoming bridge. There’s no way I can climb it. After about 22 miles everything just hurts. The instincts in your brain start to take over and tell you to quite, and when you don’t listen, your body starts shutting things down to save itself. Finding a reason to keep running through this stretch of miles is the whole trick to running a marathon. The urge to quit is amazing. And it is a constant from this point on. Every step feels like it might as well be the last one you run. Just quit. The anti-Nike campaign. Just quit. Screw it. I remember reading about tricks to keep going in the late miles, and one is to count steps and figure out how many make up a mile. I got to 100 before deciding that was the stupidest thing I had ever read. Visualizing the finish helped a little. Not much.

Mile 24 (9:56): Cap’n Ron catches up with me here. We chat a little. Mostly “this sucks” and “I just want this to be over.” I tell him about my hamstring and basically complain a lot. We’re quite a motivating pair.

Mile 25 (10:21): Yep. You read that pace correctly. I walked 100 yards of the bridge to settle myself down and get the energy for the finishing push. After 25 miles it is amazing how impossible the last 1.2 miles seems. There is no WAY I can do this. I have to stop. Right? Wait...am I going downhill now? Awesome. Cap’n Ron is in front of me now as I come off the Burrard Bridge for the second time. I hate that damn bridge. As predicted, my GPS told me I was done here. 26.23 miles. I love technology.

Mile 26 (8:35): The finishing push. I run past the last water station and past Cap’n Ron. Telling myself I can suffer through anything for 8 minutes, I just run for it. Finishing a marathon is an unbelievable experience, and when the crowd is as good as it is at Vancouver, it is even better. I watch as someone loses their legs and wobbles to a slow motion crash in front of me. I see a cameraman snap my photo and hear him urge me on. And I see The Colleague screaming on the side. (Wait, is that guy hitting on her? I think I just saw him ask her for her phone number). A guy I had been running near for the last 5 miles or so is there and struggling and when I catch him I urge him on and we sprint to the finish. DONE! 3 hours, 34 minutes, 25 seconds. I’m not supposed to, but I linger in the finish chute waiting for Cap’n Ron, who comes in right behind me at 3:36 and change. Great run! Hugs and tears and hollering follow. Then it is into BC Place to get some food and meet up with The Colleague and Mrs. Cap’n Ron. Unlike in Portland, they actually wait until you finish to give you a finisher’s shirt. I’ll wear this one happily!

After cleaning up and getting a little rest, we hit the pub for several celebratory Canadian beers. I think I ate 3 dinners Sunday night, but I can’t be sure. I know The Colleague and I ended the evening with sushi somewhere on Robson Street. Yum!

Overall it was a great race. For my second attempt at this distance I feel like it went pretty well, and I’m definitely excited about Portland in October. If I can keep shaving time with each race, I might actually qualify for Boston someday.

It would have been nice to not have to slow down so much in the last few miles, but I was able to run full speed through the finish and I felt good about the whole race. Yes, I went out too fast in the first half, but I went in knowing I might try it just to see what happened. What happened is my hamstring decided to be my limiting factor. I have never had a hamstring problem in my life, so it was a weird thing to have happen to me, but at least I recognized it and didn’t push until it actually exploded.

I am resting this week and will start running lightly again in 10 days or so. Then it’s back to the training routine. I’d like to find a mid-summer race in the 10k or half marathon range to keep me interested, but we’ll see how that goes. A new training plan is in the wings and will include more strength training (speed work and hills) and flexibility work (yoga). Training over the summer is hard because of our travel plans, but I can usually piece together a good schedule.

Taking Advantage of the Strong US Dollar

2008-05-02T13:40:00.000-07:00

There's no getting out of it now, I guess. Back in October when I signed up for this damn race I was pretty sure that something would happen so that I wouldn't be able to race. I mean, chances were pretty high that:

Bush would so thoroughly alienate every other country in the world that we wouldn't be welcome in Canada
Enough Americans would flee to Vancouver to escape the Bush regime that there simply wouldn't be room for us to visit
The US dollar would crash so far that my entry fee would double and we wouldn't be able to afford the pre-race pasta feed.

To be fair, all three almost happened.

But now here I am, healthy (no broken bones or torn muscles), trained (400 miles so far this year), and rested (funny how less stressful this year of my life has been. Hmmmm.)

So The Colleague and I are off to meet Cap'n Ron and Mrs. Cap'n Ron in Vancouver. The Colleague can visit some of the money she left there last time she visited. Cap'n and I will lace up the racing flats and join 5,000 some other idiots at the starting line of the 37th Vancouver Marathon. We'll be somewhere in Stanley Park when the Kenyans waltz across the finish line, but we'll get there.Here's a marathon course in context.

4,216,481.28 centimeters
1,660,032 inches
138,336 feet
46,112 yards
42,164 meters
42.164 kilometers
26.2 miles

The piece I can't figure out is how the course officials get away with making the first 18 miles actual miles, while the last 8.2 miles are actually 15 miles long. Weird, that.

I hope the "Your Are Not Kenyan" sign guy is there. He's my favorite. I am NOT Kenyan. True that.

Now, where did I put my Loonies.

Best Blog Ever...Just Kidding

2008-04-23T11:44:00.000-07:00

Name That Prof!

2008-04-17T16:23:00.000-07:00

Disgruntled Students Speak Out!

It is no secret that many characters in this little blog-o-world make their careers plying the waters of Academe. Our job is to educate all of those who grace our classrooms, and I think most of us do a fair job of it. What do we get in return, aside from our massive salaries and endless perks and kickbacks? Our ungrateful little students take the time to rave about our teaching at RateMyProfessors.com.

Reading their comments really gives me pause. I take every one of them very seriously, and I adapt my teaching to match their rants. After all, the students who fail our classes because their parents are actually cousins are exactly the ones we want to be judged by.

So I decided we would have a little test. Let's see who can match the RateMyProfessors entry with the appropriate SailRunClimbRide personality. To the winner: one pair of soon-to-be-retired (387 miles) Brooks Adrenaline GTS 7 runnings shoes, size 11 (you pay shipping and handling):

The Professors
1. GVB
2. The Colleague
3. Al Bangorhard
4. CAG
5. AW
6. RPD
7. MathDude

The Reviews
A. "...an awesome prof. talks about random stuff to prove a strange point such as making paper airplanes for 10 min to prove some point that was lost in the process."

B. "...willing to give help but then have a quick temper. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY OR DO IN CLASS, wants you to be in totall focus, if not, your gonna hear some things you have not heard from other teachers."

C. "...just a jerk about everything. i really didn't get anything out of this class and the teacher wasn't helpful at all."

D. "...tells us everything we ever learned was wrong...chooses a retarded theme for a hard class and expects to only spend time on this class stuff so assigns a butt load of crap assignments and then grades you horribly. grr."

E. "...NOT recommended. The average grade in this class is, 69%, 1.4 gpa, or considered a d+. That says it all."

F. "...seems to grade based on opinion only. Very little if any feedback is given on formal papers. When you get your paper back, there is no rhyme or reason given for your grade...doesn't tell you why you lost points on any given paper. You just receive the final grade. All our assignments were VERY feminist in nature."

G. "...the worst teacher at this school...as clear as Charlie Brown's teacher....You will only enjoy this class if you are a masochistic english geek. You have been warned."

Happy matching.

Back to the Factory

2008-04-06T18:09:00.000-07:00

Spring Break has come and gone. I hope my students had as much fun as I did...Just as I was starting to get used to having the "out of office" auto-reply on, just as I was starting to forget the horror of the previous term, I had to face reality and fire up the CupertinoBookPro and get ready for the next 11 weeks of horror. Though I am sure this will be the quarter where everything goes perfectly and my students are engaged and deeply interested in learning about writing and critical thinking.

My InBox was full of wonderful news and joy. I stand to earn 15 million dollars just for letting the son of a wealthy Saudi oil man use MY checking account to store some money while he travels. I check my account daily. I also have several offers to cure my baldness AND my erectile dysfunction at the same time. These herbal remedies are amazing. The Colleague waits by the door for the discretely wrapped packages to arrive.

And this gem from Forgettable Former Student in The Back Row:

i read the syllabus and it said all major assignments must be turned in in order to pass the class and i did turn in every major assignment. beside, my conference was at 9:30, i came 10-15 minutes late and someone else was already in your office and i'm pretty sure conferences were supposed to be 30 minutes long each. i don't drive and i have to baby sit and work and go to school at the same time. that means my schedule always have to fit my family's schedule so they could take me to school, work, and such. but most of the time things don't work out. if everyone in my family have to work on certain days and are not free to take me to school, that means i cant go to school. i know you wouldn't believe this, but i can provide proof. i really tried to make it to the conference, but i'm terribly sorry i was late, but i wasn't expecting that someone would be in my spot when i make it there. i was also waiting outside, but people kept coming in and i don't blame them because it was their appointments. im also a running start student so i have to be at my high school frequently. what i'm trying to say is that it is extremely hard for me to go around and make it to school everyday. that is why i only take online and hybrid classes (eventhough the only place that i can easily be at to have access to the internet is my aunt's house). so when i actually get the chance to be at school to attend another conference, you weren't in your office. i also emailed you a copy of my draft and you said you would read it and tell me what you think but you never replied me so i had no idea how i did on my first draft. with all due respect, i'm just trying to tell you that i really tried my hardest. participation points are worth 10%, and i looked at the grade book and i saw that most of the discussions that i participated in, i got an above average score, so i didn't think it would hurt me that bad. i agree with you that my final paper killed me, but greg, i had no idea how i did on my draft. please just give me a chance, this class is extremely important to me. failing it also means that i won't be able to graduate from high school. please, if you want me to rewrite my whole paper, i will do it, just give me a day. only 1 day, i will do anything. i respect your decision but please reconsider this. trust me i tried really hard, but this is life and my background and my family sometime make it really hard for me. please, give me another chance, i really want to graduate in june. i will do whatever it takes. i just need at least a 2.2. that's all i'm asking for. i also tried calling you, but apparently you won't be back until the 7th, and that will be too late for me to do anything. if you have the time please write me back, or you can even call me. my number is ________. i have a story, i have hardships, and i have a lot of explanation, and i'm also asking for a chance. please let me know.

Yes folks, this is our student body at its finest. I sure hope her sisters and cousins are in my class this term!

As I liquor up for the first day of classes and get ready for my students to miss every point and over-simplify every concept to the point of using "Jackass" as a "perfect analogy," I leave you with this:

Introduction To Poetry
Billy Collins

I ask them to take a poem
and hold it up to the light
like a color slide

or press an ear against its hive.

I say drop a mouse into a poem
and watch him probe his way out,

or walk inside the poem's room
and feel the walls for a light switch.

I want them to waterski
across the surface of a poem
waving at the author's name on the shore.

But all they want to do
is tie the poem to a chair with rope
and torture a confession out of it.

They begin beating it with a hose
to find out what it really means.

Are You A Douchebag?

2008-04-01T19:53:00.000-07:00

The Colleague and I are freshly returned from San Francisco. It was an educational experience. And by educational, I mean that our time in the city reaffirmed things we already knew about people we don't like...

If you are in your early 20s and you walk around with your Powerbook talking about how "killer" your new startup graphic art studio is, YOU ARE A DOUCHEBAG.
If you wear white size XXL button down shirts with lace adornment and the cuffs turned up, YOU ARE A DOUCHEBAG.
If you drive a Ford F-250 with chrome wheels and a lift kit, YOU ARE A DOUCHEBAG.
If you don't realize that it is 2008 and calling two men "fags" is not only NOT offensive but illustrative of your deeply seeded homosexual fantasies, YOU ARE A DOUCHEBAG.
If you have any sticker on your truck that expresses your support of our current president, YOU ARE A DOUCHEBAG.
If you are over 30 and have a MySpace page which you actively update, YOU ARE A DOUCHEBAG.
If you are the two dudes sitting in front of us on Alaska Air flight #333 from San Francisco to Seattle on March 31st, YOU ARE MOST DEFINITELY DOUCHBAGS.

That is all.

Where Am I Going? Where Have I Been?

2008-03-24T16:24:00.000-07:00

3,000 Miles on 2 Wheels. (Well, four if you add the two bikes together.)

Cap'n Ron and I are back from the moto trip to Joshua Tree and back. I'll let the narrative at Geomatic Guy do its thing. I am left with several unanswered questions:

Which I-5 stretch is worse, 530 miles from Bothell, WA to Yreka, CA? Or 480 miles from Yreka, CA to Visalia, CA?
Which is better, dirt riding in Joshua Tree National Park or paved mountain roads near Sequoia National Park?
Which is worse, 29 degrees and snowing in the Mojave Desert, or 32 degrees and snowing outside of Bend, OR?
Which town is more tragic, Barstow, CA or 29 Palms, CA?
Which is worse, paying $4.39 a gallon for gas in Death Valley, or paying $20 for 2 gallons of gas from Stu the toothless hick in Shoshone, CA?
Which is better, coasting into Shoshone, CA on fumes, or finding that an apparently normal power outage means there is no way to pump gas?
Would you rather be killed by an angry military serviceman in Barstow or in 29 Palms?
Why, exactly, are drivers in Washington the absolute worst drivers on the planet?
Why does a 25 mph corner mean you can do 50 mph when a 10 mph corner means you can only do 5?
Exactly what benign force kept Cap'n Ron and I from dumping the bikes in that deep, sandy corner on Geology Tour Road?
Why is it my fault with Cap'n Ron drinks more beer than he planned? (And, I might also ask, why doesn't Cap'n Ron just plan on drinking more beer so he won't feel like he had too much?)
How far into a trip do you have to be before 300 miles seems like a "quick hop?"
Or, maybe the proper question here is this: How close to home do you have to be before powering through 300 miles seems like less torture than staying away for even one more day?
Who the fuck lives in Beatty, NV?
Is it worth playing $5 worth of video poker to get a comped drink that costs $6?
Which is more interesting, 208 feet below sea level or 6,380 feet above sea level?

And now for the visual portion of the program:

Cap'n Ron making turns in the mountains:

Geology Tour Road, J Tree:

That Don't Look Good, Cap'n:

I'll give you one guess who had their wedding reception in this barn:

The Low Point, Death Valley:

The thing is, I would have paid $4.29 if they would have sold it to me. Shoshone, CA:

You can't see signs like this enough when your "Low Fuel" light is on:

Um...

Let's Go By Air
If it's all the same to you folks, I think I'll fly to San Francisco with The Colleague later this week...anything to get her off the streets. Work it. Work it. DVB will be there with all of the Media Studies geeks just DYING to give me their money at the poker table.

Let's Not Go At All
Still trying to pretend I'm training for a marathon. 4 weeks and 4 long runs left. Ouch.

In Fact, Why Don't YOU Go On Foot
The Colleague is walking 60 miles over three days to save the boobs. Send her your money. Help save the boobs.

New Blog Post

2008-03-21T11:49:00.000-07:00

In theory, this is where a nice long blog post about an 8 day motorcycle trip with Cap'n Ron would go.

In theory.

I Suck. And Other Things.

2008-03-06T18:41:00.000-08:00

THE LEARNIN' FACTORY
I am NOT good at my job. I know this because I am reading drafts of final papers from my research writing students. I haven't taught them anything. Not a god damn thing.

But I'm sort of stuck, because I've been pretending all term like I've been teaching them and now it is grading time. I can't fail all 50 of them, can I? Well, I can fail these ones...let's go to the In Box. As always, these are real emails from real students. Except the ones I've made up:

Hey GVB whats up i'm at stevens pass snowboarding and the pass is closed and won't be open until tuesday so sorry i won't be in class on monday thanks.
-Super Snowboarder

Dear Snowboarder,
I'm glad you are getting out there and exercising and enjoying the natural beauty of this area. It truly is an amazing place to live. Two things: one, since I don't take attendance and don't really know who you are since you never come to class, it was probably a better choice to just not show up for class. Telling me about it only makes me pay more attention to you. Two, according to the Department of Transportation's latest press release, the pass will open at 4 p.m. today, so GREAT NEWS! you'll be able to get home tonight and make it to class on time. Also, I've just decided that we are having a pop quiz tomorrow that is worth 75% of your grade.
-GVB

Dear GVB,
I keep checking the online gradebook and you haven't graded any of my work all quarter. I have no idea how am doing in your class. I have already complained to your dean and department chair. I expect to hear from you today or I will take further action.
-Grade Anxiety

Dear Grade Anxiety,
Thank you for checking in about your grade in Week Nine of the 10 week term. You're right on top of your game. And being proactive enough to see my dean about your complaint BEFORE you brought it to me? Awesome. A+. Oh, wait, one more thing. The department chair is sitting right here in our living room and she says you never contacted her about anything, so I know you're full of shit. Ok, two more things. You haven't received any grades this term because you haven't turned anything in. Don't make this about me you low-rent piece of - Sorry. I have to sign off now. My department chair wants to go to bed.
-GVB

Dear GVB,
I am a student in your afternoon class and my daughter is selling Girl Scout cookies...

DELETE

Dear GVB,
I was wondering if it would be ok to write a research paper on how much things have changed since my dad played sports in high school. He's like 35 years old, and it is amazing how different things were way back then...

DELETE

Dear GVB,
You're doing a great job with the class. You bring good ideas into the classroom and you challenge your students while not overworking them. Great job.
Love, GVB

Ok, ok. Only the last one is real.

RUNNING IS STUPID, EXCEPT WHEN IT IS AWESOME
You heard it hear first. Running is stupid. Training is kicking my ass. Mostly because I'm not doing any of it. 25-30 miles a week is all I can manage. Sucks. I've managed some quality runs, like THIS ONE in Port Gamble last week, but mostly I'm sitting at home watching Cap'n Ron run all over the damn place getting stronger and faster by the day.

I'll admit, there are times when running is the coolest thing I can imagine, like on the run mentioned above when I came upon a 1 mile single-track downhill trail without a soul in sight. I bombed down that fucker at full speed, whooping it up the whole way. Just awesome.

I'm on the mileage buildup plan now. Still a good 6 weeks until the Vancouver 'Thon. I can still make it. Time to start thinking about a realistic goal...3:30? Seems like it's worth trying. I'll still have to find an additional 15 minutes somewhere in Portland in October if I want to be running Boston in 2009. Lofty goal for a fat dude.

WILD HOGS!
Cap'n Ron and I are just days away from the 4th annual Joshua Tree extravaganza (also known as the 1st Annual Motorcycle Trip to Joshua Tree). 9 days of winding roads and backcountry. Ok, 2 days of Interstate 5 drudgery followed by 7 days of windy roads and backcountry. Rock climbing officially optional this year! One of the planned highlights? A 20 mile run in Death Valley.

OTHER THINGS

As much as I hate to admit it, when given a choice, I will usually opt for Kraft Macaroni and Cheese as a post-run meal. It is just SO good.
The Colleague Actually Updates Her Website
I just opened a can of StarKist Albacore Tuna. It looks like actual fish. It tastes like actual fish. Which makes me wonder, what the fuck is in those "regular" tuna cans? Don't answer that question.
I lost our Academy Awards pool again this year. I really thought it might be George Clooney's year, even though I hadn't seen his movie. Then we watched "Michael Clayton" and I understand why he didn't win. Clooney is like a really good long reliever in films. Solid. Likeable. Strong. Intimidating. But he just isn't a starter.
The Ex-Mrs GVB is still a horrible, horrible person
I'm about to cancel my subscription to Runner's World magazine, otherwise known as "Abs You Will Never Have Monthly." Seriously. Every fucking cover has a ripped man or woman with a headline like "A New Stronger You". No one looks like that. I prefer the Peyton Manning approach.

Say It With Me Now...

2008-02-27T14:17:00.001-08:00

A Valentines Message

2008-02-12T22:37:00.000-08:00

If only I knew someone who this news story describes...damn.

Online Dating Helping Pathetic Women Get Their Hopes Crushed More Efficiently

Ten Things from a Ten Miler

2008-02-08T16:24:00.000-08:00

I managed to drag my ass out for my planned 10 miler today, despite the driving rain, 40 degree temps, and a southerly 20 mph breeze. Oh, and also fatigue and boredom and a general feeling of "I truly hate running and I don't want to go out today".

To entertain myself on the boring-as-hell route on the Samammish River Trail, I devised a nice little list of ten things that I felt like sharing with all 2 of my readers...

Mile 1. 8:15: Weather forecasting in this city is a fucking joke. Granted, we live in one of the hardest weather forecasting areas in the world, but come on. The forecast on one weather site for the time of my run was overcast with southerly wind at 5 mph. On another it was for a chance of rain with a southwest wind of 10 mph. Still another site forecast showers with a 15 mph southerly wind. What did I get? Solid rain and 20 mph winds in my face. Very nice.

Mile 2. 8:01: Answer a question for me: why is it ok for fat cyclists to ride three abreast on the trail and not ok for runners? If I didn't think overweight Cannondale rider would just run me right the fuck over I'd hold my ground, but I don't want to die just yet, so I give in and end up running on the very edge of the pavement to avoid getting mowed down. Also, why do these dudes (it's always dudes) think the jogging/cycling path is really the place to go all out? Ride on the road, ass.

Mile 3. 8:02: Running is stupid. No one should do this. We evolved and invented things like bicycles and cars to avoid having to run. If that stupid Greek messenger had a mountain bike at his disposal, do you really think he would have run 26 miles to Marathon? I doubt it. Fuck this shit.

Mile 4. 7:59: That mile went pretty quickly. I need to remember that the Red Hook Brewery is out here. The Colleague and I really should go there more often. MMMM nachos and ESB...(insert Homer Simpson drool here).

Mile 5. 7:49: The smartest thing I did for my running was to sign up for the Vancouver 'Thon immediately after killing myself in Portland. If Cap'n Ron called me today and said he was thinking about not doing Vancouver, I'd totally quit and get fat instead. I mean, two of my least favorite drones at the Learnin' Factory keep expanding exponentially, I would just be showing my support for their obesity. Yikes. Just thinking about the number of fat people I work with made me speed up to burn a few more calories. Still, those nachos sound GOOOOOOD right now.

Mile 6. 7:52: The turn around. Dear Colleague, next time I say I'm doing an out and back route, remind me that every time I do this I feel like I would rather kill myself than run back to where I started. Loops and one-way runs. Period.

Mile 7. 7:44: Barack and Billary were in Seattle today, and the first headline I saw this morning was "Obama Visit Will Snarl Traffic". Seriously? This is our biggest concern when the first viable black presidential candidate comes to town? Let's not worry about his politics or his campaign. How fast we can get from our miserable jobs, into our luxury SUV, to the home life we hate even more than our jobs? That drive home as the sole occupant of your SUV is probably the nicest moment of your day: alone, your favorite pop music playing, your cell phone glued to your ear talking to your buddy about how much you hate your wife for “making” you fix the garage doors this weekend. Why are you in such a damn hurry to end the trip home? Shouldn't you want traffic to get worse? I also decided something during this mile: Elect Barack Obama. Billary is a problem. McCain is a nutjob. Obama. There. I said it. Now we just need to get Billary to concede before they end up beating each other to death while McCain sits at home and takes his Memory Tonic and tries to hide his rapidly progressing dementia.

Mile 8. 7:52: I'm running too fast. Again. But it's cold and windy and nasty out, so I want to get back to the heated seats of the A3 as soon as possible. Speaking of which, for a feature I said at the time I didn't even want, the heated seats are by far my favorite perk of the A3. A warm ass on a cold morning is a small good thing.

Mile 9. 7:48: Uh oh. I haven't eaten well today. My stomach would hurt if my brain was still working well enough to tell it to hurt. I'll try some water. SHIT, I lost one of my water bottles somewhere. Grrrr. Maybe I'll have some Gu. Yum. Hey, where are my gloves? SHIT, I lost my gloves somewhere. Oooh, pretty bird. Is that a train horn? Weird. Sure is a nice day out. Dee dee dee. Uh oh. I'm losing my mind.

Mile 10. 7:37: I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. Hey look, my car. That wasn't so bad.

Child Clowns!

2008-02-06T15:18:00.000-08:00

Some things are just too good to keep to myself.

The Colleague sent me this while I was supposed to be paying attention in a meeting recently. It will not surprise you that I am no longer on the committee that was holding that particular meeting:

How did I ever get through work without YouTube?

Something New (and a Random List)

2008-02-05T10:43:00.000-08:00

SOMETHING NEW
As I write this, I am loading the new Jack Johnson album, "Sleep Through the Static", onto my trusty orange iPod Shuffle so I can listen to it on today's planned tempo run (which is actually yesterday's planned tempo run postponed due to lameness). Early report on "Sleep Through the Static": a little less "surf tune" than Jack's last two albums, and definitely less cutesy than the music off the "Curious George" soundtrack. Duh.

I am also loading this year's runs into a newly discovered online running log called RunningAHEAD. Note the run statistics being pushed through to this page underneath the links. Cool, huh? Those totals look pretty sad though....

Let's see, what else...A RANDOM LIST

My fave running kicks have found their way to Sierra Trading Post, which is great because they are half their normal price. HOWEVER, this means the model is doomed. It is being closed out. It is being left behind. So I am stuck with the decision: do I suck it up and stockpile new pairs of the same shoe? Or do I just assume that I will find another shoe that I like as much?
It's a long way off yet, but Cap'n Ron and I found a way (with considerable help and encouragement from The Colleague) to keep our annual Joshua Tree trip on the calendar. This year we're taking the motorcycles all the way down and back for a little adventure to go with our adventure.
Would it really be so hard for Hillary and Barack to get together and decide to run as a ticket this year then switch for 2012? Come on. This election "process" is such a joke.
I've always thought this, but watching a Sundance Channel documentary on Wilco has me newly convinced that they are the country's smartest band. I just loaded "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" onto the shuffle too.
The oldest daughter of The Colleague got braces today. Not sure what else to say about that. Though I do remember being excited to get braces when I was 14. Weird.

David Shields' new book, The Thing About Life is that One Day You'll be Dead hits the streets today. The Colleague and I read an advance copy a couple of weeks ago...worth reading for sure. Check it out.
It's been technically true for a while, but I have confirmation that Uncle Dan is indeed back in Seattle. Seems Denver wasn't his style. I'm sticking some Maker's Mark and Diet Coke for ya brother. Come on by The Palace anytime. And bring the junior linebacker with you.
Here I am typing away when an email comes in from a college friend. It turns out one of our fraternity brothers from way back then is the subject of one of Oprah's home makeover situations. Weird.
I'm not fucking Matt Damon. But Sarah Silverman is.
Remember when you realized why mother-in-law jokes exsited? Well, I'm truly learning why ex-wife jokes exist.
I can tell it's winter training time because most of my workouts consist of looking at my shoes or the bike, anticipating the pending torture, walking to the fridge and opening a Red Hook. If I don't participate, this micro brew craze might not catch on.

That's all I know. I should be working.

Which One of You Runs At Greenlake?! Be Honest...

2008-01-08T18:33:00.000-08:00

Runner flashes other at Green Lake

By LEVI PULKKINEN
P-I REPORTER

Police are looking for the unidentified runner who flashed his genitalia at another jogger near Green Lake.

At about 2:45 p.m. Sunday, the unidentified runner flashed at a 24-year-old woman jogging near the popular urban trail, according to Seattle police reports.

The woman told officers the man pulled up his white T-shirt and dropped his black running tights as he ran past her near the intersection of Wallingford Avenue North and North 54th Street.

She also said the same man had also flashed her shortly before Christmas while she walked with friends near a Green Lake-neighborhood restaurant. The man didn't speak to her on either occasion, but appeared to be an avid runner.

According to police reports, the man is thought to be in his 30s or 40s, about 5-foot, 7-inches tall, and have short brown hair.

What? It's 2008? Shut up!

2008-01-08T12:47:00.000-08:00

It seems your hero left for The Garden Isle in December and, while the body returned, the brain never quite got wrapped around the idea of the mainland again...

This morning I woke up at my desk. In my office. At WORK! Shit. There are students and syllabi and books and all sorts of things work-related going on. And I don't like it.

Let's take a little sample of the In Box and the introductory emails from students this fine winter term:

dear Prof
i am machiko and need english class to take for degree transfer but have not taken exam to place in your class still would like to take your class for i know that you are finest teacher and i know i will do very wll. thanks you.
-littlefunnytoysonkeychains@msn.com

(Dear littlefunnytoysonkeychains: Perhaps Sweater Girl has room for you in her class. I hear she is A-Number One teacher. Have you seen her reviews on RateMyProfessor? Everyone loves her.)

GVB,
I just checked my grade from last fall and I see that you gave me a 0.0! You're a dead man. I'm going to hunt you down and kill you.
Sincerely,
-DateRapeFan0931@yahoo.com

(Dear DateRapeFan: If I thought you had the mental capacity to find my office, I'd be worried. By the way, have you tried Diet Redbull with Vodka? It's amazing.)

Hey,
I am riting to aks if i can get in you're class this quarter. i really need an english class to gradate this quarter. i'd really apreciate it dude.
-seventhyearsenior@comcast.net

(Dear seventhyearsenior: Dude, of course you're in! I have good feeling about your chances of success in this class.)

GVB, I just saw Danielle's final grade in your class and to say the least I about as mad as I can get. I read her final paper before she submitted it and how in the world she could have gotten a grade that lowered her final mark to 1.2 is a pathetic joke. If you think I won't pursue this to the school's senior administration you are sadly mistaken, and I will do so if I don't hear what caused this by mid next week.
-AngryDad@jointhearmy.com

(Dear Angry Dad: First of all, thanks for the threat. That makes me feel all warm inside. Now I know why your daughter flinched every time someone dropped a book on the floor in the classroom. Anger management issues, much? Second, I am glad it is finally clear who did all of Danielle's work last term. You're a pretty good writer, but you/she missed a lot of class and several assignments. So, fuck you. Oh, and since you sent this email from your City of Seattle Police Department computer and official email, I have cc'd the ethics committee on my reply.)

Gotta love email.

Happy new year everyone. Only 7 days until American Idol returns. I thought I'd never make it.

A Race Report

2007-12-16T12:53:00.000-08:00

Race Report: 12Ks of Christmas

Ran the 5th Annual 12Ks of Christmas race today in Kirkland. Here are 12 Things About the 12Ks of Christmas:

First Thing: I know you want as many people in your race as possible, but on a 35 degree morning how DARE you delay the start by 10 minutes after getting everyone in the chute. I shed my layers with 5 minutes to go before the stated start time, only to have to stand there shivering for 15 minutes while they let the last minute stragglers make it through the sign up lines.
Second Thing: When you know your course is narrow in the first .5 mile, it would be nice if you didn't start the walkers and runners from both events at the SAME TIME. How hard is it to start the two distances at different times? How hard is it to put the walkers in the back of the pack?
Third Thing: Dear runners and walkers. Stop lying about your pace. It's chip timed. You don't need to start at the front of the pack. And if you do start where you shouldn't, don't run 3 abreast. Oh, and when several people have to brush past you and give you stink-eye in order to pass, take a fucking hint. Move.
Fourth Thing: Close the course. Is it that much of a burden to shut down a couple of streets on a Sunday morning? Once we left the starting area, the course was basically relegated to the shoulder of the road, which of course slants to the gutter and makes it so that you're running on an uneven surface, including slippery storm drains for most of the course.
Fifth Thing: Seriously, 10K and longer you need more than one water station. Come on now.
Sixth Thing: I love short steep climbs ONLY when they are followed by long, gradual downhills. This course was perfect that way.
Seventh Thing: When people ignore the posted No Parking signs and park their Escalade on the fucking course, TOW IT. Shit. (Happily, the start announcer joyously encouraged everyone to spit on the car as they passed. That thing was COVERED with Gu packs and other nasty bits).
Eighth Thing: I realize it is a course measured in kilometers, but everyone in the race is on mile splits. Can we mark both? Pretty please?
Ninth Thing: I HATE it when I go to Starbucks and Meghan/Melissa/Michelle/Molly tries to sell me up to the seasonal beverage ("Would you like to try our Eggnog Peppermint Mocha Latte today?"). Worse? Sprinting to the finish of a race and finding that the first comfort station is STARBUCKS! What the fuck?!? I just ran 7.5 miles all-out and you are putting a tray of peppermint mochas with whipped cream in front of me? No wonder I threw up.
Tenth Thing: Oh yeah. I threw up a little at the end of the race. I haven't been feeling well lately (some sort of asthma related chest pain thing) and I really did go a little harder than I should have for the last mile, so when I took a big swig of water at the finish my stomach didn't really like it much. I'm feeling much better now, thanks.
Eleventh Thing: Hot Dogs? Cake? What the hell? Can I just get some Gatorade and a banana and get out of here?
Twelfth Thing: The results. 51:29 overall. 6:50 per mile. 47th place overall and 12th in my division. Granted, it isn't a huge field (935 finishers) but still I feel pretty good about it. Fastest mile 6:28 (mile 2). Last mile 6:41.

Snorkel the Animals!

2007-12-04T19:46:00.000-08:00

Can You Say "Climate Change"?

You might recall the first snowfall of the year from Saturday last. Well. As predicted, we now have the first floods of the year. And these aren't the typical big river floods that "shock" the residents of the communities on the river deltas every year. These are flash floods, urban style.

Those cute little creeks that wind through the neighborhoods near The Palace have been raging rivers for the last two days, swallowing yards and flooding porn collections everywhere. The usual 15 minute trip to drop the Eldest Colleague Offspring at school took almost 40 minutes on Monday morning, as every side street I know was covered in several feet of water. For the record, the A3 doesn't like deep water.

The picture above is real and it is from Monday. Last week I ran right past that sign on a nice cool evening. We're used to "wet" around here, but unless you are on a hill, this place looks shockingly like the midwest during flood season. Here is a nice shot of I-5 between Seattle and Portland. Oops:

Still, I've managed to get out and put together a start to another full week of training. Today I surveyed the flood damage in Woodinville. Scary stuff. The flooding. Not the run. The run was good. I hid my watch from myself and just ran, hoping for negative splits. Worked out.

Student finals are rolling in as I write this. Save me, Gay Jesus. Save me.

Stay dry out there. Is it Aloha Friday yet?

Whiteout!!!!!

2007-12-01T15:53:00.000-08:00

Crazy is the Forecast, All Week Long
-Jason Mraz

Seattle weather forecasters have a nearly impossible job, I realize. The mountains and the ocean and the Puget Sound and that thing called the Convergence Zone that everyone in the region talks about but no one really understands...it all makes forecasting here little more than voodoo.

So I am amazed when the things they predict actually happen. On Wednesday this week they started predicting snow for Saturday, so naturally I assumed it would be warm and sunny.

Saturday morning it was cool and overcast, but certainly not ominous. I lounged around the house with the kids and The Colleague. We decorated our non-denominational plastic evergreen tree. The kids had nuggets and tots for lunch. A normal day.

And then around 1:00 I geared up, stuffed a few GU packets in my pockets, and headed out for a planned 10 miler. A few flakes blew by as I waited for the Garmin to acquire some satellites.

Off I went. At the 1/4 mile mark I checked my pace (a 9:00 goal pace today) and turned west toward Kenmore, the land of all things evil and stupid. Well, every other week, anyway.

(ed note: at what age are you too old to actively maintain a MySpace page? I'm going with 25.)

Uh oh. From the top of the hill I can usually see southwest to Lake Washington and sometimes see the high rise buildings of Seattle. Today all I saw was a wall of dark gray clouds moving FAST up the hill toward me. At the 1/2 mile mark the heavy snow started, and visibility dropped to about 5 feet. Good times. The snow held on and picked up as I ran. By mile 5 I was leaving fresh tracks on the Sammamish Trail. It was all pretty fun, actually. Then, at mile 7 I stepped in a puddle up to my ankles.

By the time you read this, the snow will probably be gone. When it started falling the aforementioned forecasters were already issuing flood warnings for tonight when the snow than has fallen gets washed away. Welcome to December in Seattle.

Here is my run plan from favoriterun.com this morning:

And here is what the GPS actually says I did:

10.75 miles @ 8:39 per mile. That brings me to 43.8 miles for the week.

Except for one little hitch I added out by UW Bothell, I actually stuck to my plan. Shocking.

Feeling Better Now, But...

2007-11-30T13:27:00.000-08:00

Obesity in America

On the day of the Portland 26.2 I weighed in at 174 pounds. Not my lightest recent weight (which I am pretty sure was sometime last October and was not part of any diet plan I would recommend to anyone. The Colleague and I lovingly refer to it as the "Life Sucks Diet Plan") and not quite the weight I wanted for the race, but I felt pretty good.

Flash forward to last week, when my trusting bathroom scale flashed a 185 at me, flesh was rolling around on my frame like some sort of tofu mess, and my favorite pants were digging trenches in my waistline. Fucking scale.

Turns out my Eat-and-Drink-All-I-Want Diet Plan doesn't work when I'm not training 40 miles per week. Duh. With "The First Not-Annual Tropical Christmas" coming up, I need to be at fighting weight sooner than later.

So last week I told The Colleague I was sick of being fat and lazy, made myself a new training calendar (which I ceremoniously posted on the fridge so everyone in the Palace will know when I am dogging it), and started hitting the road again.

Back on the Road

Since that day I have managed the following:

6.8 miles @ 9:00 per mile
10 miles @ 8:50 per mile
5 miles @ 8:30 per mile (2 miles on the treadmill and 3 in the driving rain and wind...no GPS data, obviously)
7.5 @ 8:07 per mile
10 miles @ 8:01 per mile

Not a bad week, mileage wise. Today was the 10 miler @ 8:01. I left Bothell Landing and headed out toward Woodinville, the land of Red Hook, several Wineries and...well, nothing else, really, except road construction and roads with no shoulders.

The way out on the Samamish River Trail was great. Calm day, nice light, and no traffic at all. I hit mile 3 before I saw another person on the trail, and then it was some Professor Frink looking dude on a bizarre home-built, self-powered tricycle thing. I had a brand new shuffle selection on the iPod ("Soul" by Rocco DeLuca and the Burden...try it), and was actually properly dressed for the temperature. Novel concept.

But as nice as the trail is (good surface, pretty scenery, etc) I just can't stomach out-and-back runs on anything over a 5 mile run. It's torture to know exactly where you are on the way back in. Torture. Give me one-way runs or loops please. So at Red Hook I resisted the obvious impulse and actually ran PAST a brewery and looped back toward Bothell on a road that is built to the exact minimum standards. Two lanes for cars, a fog line for...well, cars, two inches of gravel/mud and then a drainage ditch. Awesome. At least the constant traffic watch I was on kept me entertained. The next 3 miles flew by without me noticing.

Back in Bothell (for a day OR a lifetime...you pick) I cruised past what has to be the largest concentration of retirement and assisted living facilities north of Phoenix and down into Blyth Park, the scene of several of my moments of youthful indiscretion back in the day. I hadn't been paying close attention to my splits, but I was pretty sure I was close to negatives the whole way, and I decided to see what I had left for mile 10. When mile 9 clicked by I sucked down a little water and went for it. Mile 10 = 6:47. NOW, I remember what running feels like when it is going well. Ahhhh.

Moral of the story? I need to run more. And more often.

Upcoming: 12 K's of Christmas on December 16th. Who's in?

Tunes Revisited

I have been reloading my iPods lately and thinking about some of my favorite running tunes. I like a lot of different songs for different reasons. Mostly, I need a song to distract me when I need it. I don't get motivated by music, really. But when I catch myself thinking about distance in the middle of a run, I like a good 4 or 5 minute song to make part of a mile disappear. Here are some great ones for you all to try:

"Pictures of You" by The Cure. This is a great mid-distance song. A better pace than you think and long enough to settle in for a mile. The first time this song shuffled onto a running list was over a year ago when I was running on the Centenial Trail and it started at mile 7 and ended right at mile 8. Creepy. It's been a standard on all racing playlists ever since. It also made it's way onto a mix tape of rather historic note...errrr.
"Until We Fall" by Audioslave. Not my favorite Audioslave song (that one's a mixtape secret) but a great running song.
"Movin' On" by Elliot Yamin. This dude should have won American Idol. Yes, I watch American Idol. Leave it alone. Great song. Hip, rhythmic, and wryly funny (for a breakup song, that is).
"I Alone" by Live. Power song. Pure and simple.
"Jenny Don't be Hasty" by Paolo Nutini. I doubt I'll see Paolo live again anytime soon, but this is a great song with a perfect pace for a long training day.
"E Bow the Letter" by REM. This is cool ass song, but the reason it is on here is because you can spend the latter part of a torturous run just trying to figure out what the fucking song is about. Anyone? Cap'n Ron and I spent the better part of miles 18 and 19 of a long day arguing this one. Weird.
"Move by Yourself" by Donavon Frankenreiter. Sure, he's a Jack Johnson spinoff, but this is good song for the early miles when you still think running was a good idea.
"You Know I'm No Good" by Amy Winehouse. Get beyond that "Rehab" song and Winehouse's album is great. This story-song has a nice swing to it and is fucking funny if you like borderline domestic abuse/infidelity stories.
"Shapeshifter" by Animal Liberation Orchestra. I love ALO. This song is long, over 6 minutes, and swings just the right amount. Warning, you might get caught singing along as you run.
"Hard Sun" by Eddie Vedder. Ahh, Eddie Vedder. This is a cool song from the "Into the Wild Soundtrack". Over 5 minutes long and uplifting. It sounds a little too remniscent of some Rusted Root tunes from the late 1990s, but still, it's a good pace song and not too heavy on the instruments.
"Till I Collapse" by Eminem. Tired? Power song. Pure and simple. This is a better song than "Lose Yourself" from the 8 Mile soundtrack, but with the same basic premise.
"Carolina Blues" by Blues Traveler. I'll admit that this one is on there mostly because it is part of my personal historical soundtrack, but when it shuffled up in mile 7 today, I couldn't have been happier!

Enjoy. As always, please tip your waitress, and be specific in your drink order.

Coming soon: The Learning Factory Term End Reflection Post. This one ought to be good...

Playlist Mania

2007-11-18T18:59:00.001-08:00

A friend of a friend who is friends with a writer at ESPN, where my friend works, sent me a link to this story at ESPN.com's "PAGE 2".

In it, runner Jeff Pearlman provides his ultimate training playlist (26 songs in honor of the 26 miles and change he was training for). Here are his songs, in order, you need to read the story for his excellent discussion of each:

1. Lose Yourself - Eminem
2. Jesus Walks - Kanye West
3. King of the Nighttime World - KISS
4. I Try - Talib Kweli with Mary J. Blige
5. Layin' it On the Line - Jefferson Starship
6. Scenario - A Tribe Called Quest
7. Enter Sandman - Metallica
8. Jump Around - House of Pain
9. Highway to Hell - AC/DC
10. Crazy in Love - Beyonce with Jay-Z
11. Harder to Breathe - Maroon 5
12. Too Cold - Vanilla Ice
13. Panama - Van Halen
14. Crazy Train - Ozzy Osbourne
15. Hot in Here - Nelly
16. Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos - Public Enemy
17. All These Things That I've Done - The Killers
18. Praise You - Fatboy Slim
19. Welcome to the Jungle - Guns 'n' Roses
20. It Takes Two - Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock
21. Son's Gonna Rise - Citizen Cope
22. Walk this Way - Run DMC
23. New Sensation - INXS
24. Wanna be Startin' Somethin' - Michael Jackson
25. Spin Around - Kay Hanley
26. War - Edwin Star

Five of these songs are also on my best playlist. Anyone care to venture a guess?

What is your favorite running list? Or are you like Cap'n Ron who just goes on the all Diva shuffle play?

What is the best running song of all time? Best mid-marathon "hittin' the wall" song?

Chime in, audiophiles...

Ink

2007-11-13T11:16:00.000-08:00

Got a new tattoo care of Owen at Parlor F in Seattle. Good times had by all.

BEFORE:
AFTER:

Sick Days Rule

2007-11-07T09:43:00.000-08:00

I'm Not Really Sick. Sshhhhh.

I had trouble finding socks to go with the shoes I wanted to wear to work today, so I bagged the whole thing and called in sick.

Actually, I didn't call in. I emailed. And I didn't claim to be sick. "I'm at home today" was the official line. So now I have time to go through my laundry and find my good black socks, not the lame thin ones that won't stay up (easy with the erectile dysfunction jokes there...) but the good heavy ones that have just the right amount of elastic.

Remarkably, The Colleague is home not sick today too. Convenient. And environmental. We're saving the world by NOT driving to work. (Of course, because we are home on a work day we are burning more energy heating and lighting the house when we normally wouldn't be, so the net environmental impact is probably a wash...)

So while I am upstairs in the Palace Office I receive, from the far away locale of the Palace Kitchen, the following email:

REMEMBER WHEN YOU USED TO HAVE A BLOG?
-The Colleague

Nice. Ok. Ok. Sick days are good for many things. Including updating neglected blog spaces. But after this I'm taking a nap.

RUNNING

Good news and bad. The good news is that I have managed to get some miles in recently. I had a nice 30 mile week and was on pace to hit 25 this week. Yesterday I went on a nice little tour of the construction zone they call Kenmore. Nice cool day, no one on the trails or sidewalks, good tunes on the Shuffle...then somewhere in mile 6 the left calf started to show signs of going postal on me. The right calf is finally healed and now the left is kicking in? So, the bad news is that now I am limping around again and afraid to run for fear of really tearing what is right now just a mildly strained calf.

I think my body is telling me to quit running. But I ain't gonna.

Oh, and I have another stress fracture in my left foot. Good times.

SAILING
The 'Lion has been out there doing her thing on the Sunday circuit. Sailing well but getting edged out by those assholes on Mei Lei. Once upon a time the crew of Mei Lei couldn't keep their boat upright long enough to get to the windward mark. Lately they are walking all over us. I'm trying to convince Krumm that we just need to T-Bone them at the next start. The 'Lion outweighs every other boat out there by thousands of pounds. Just hit 'em.

The 'Hood sits at the dock just waiting for some love.

Allegro sits at the dock just waiting for some love.

Blade Runner is apparently soon to be sold, Cap'n Funnybone having had enough of racing, and Cap'n Funnybone's wife having had enough of Cap'n Funnybone on a boat. Sad.

La Banana is on the the blocks and being scrapped for cash after MillerTime crashed it into the only rock in Echo Bay late last summer. MillerTime is boatless for the first time in decades. A moment of silence.

Krumm is the proud owner of a second boat: A Flying Dutchman. Coooool.

BEVERAGES

Take one bottle of decent vodka, add a handful of peeled garlic cloves, store in freezer for 2 weeks. Make dry martini with garlic vodka.

Yum.

THE LEARNING FACTORY
Let's see...our faculty union is less competent than the Bush Administration, there is still at least one member of the Writin' Department that is insane enough that everyone besides said member thinks said member is losing her mind (can you sat "Scary old lady with too many cats?" Meeeeeoowwww), and Sweater Girl has gotten all puffed up and hyper-professional again.

Business as usual.

On the plus side, the students are a little more interesting this year, some of them can actually read and write, and The Colleague is teaching a novel that takes place entirely during the execution of a blowjob. We call that "academic freedom".

Or porn.

OTHER

-The Colleage and I saw "Into the Wild" last week. Cool movie, but not great. We agree that Sean Penn did about as much as one could with the story and made an interesting but not spectacular film. Kraukauer's book that inspired the movie is still one of the best non-fiction titles out there. I wonder if The Colleague will ever read it?

-The Sonics are moving to Oklahoma. Here are the people in this scenario who are complete dicks: Howard Shultz, who bought the Sonics years ago for 200 million and fucked them up for a couple of years before selling them for 350 million to...Clayton Bennet, a dick who got rich by marrying money and bought the Sonics with the unstated intention of moving them to his home town of Hobunk Nowhere....David Stern, the NBA commisioner who is such a patsy for team owners that he won't say no to any rich wonk who wants to move a team....The City of Seattle, this lovely town that can't seem to agree on anything and is apparently stuck in a regressive rhetorical argument about everything....Did I mention Howard Shultz? Dick.

-Kokua Festival 2008 has been announced. April 19th and 20th.

-I Hate Wamu. Don't ask.

I'm Not Dead Yet

2007-10-09T15:21:00.001-07:00

Well, Portland didn't quite finish me off, so I'll give Vancouver a shot at me. I'm officially registered for May 4th, 2008. Who's with me? Come on!