Surgery, the Letter H, and Boat Work

Getting Cut Open and Stitched Back Together

Pre-Op
There are three holes in my lower abdomen that weren't there yesterday. I've been told that there is also a fair amount of surgical mesh covering the holes in abdominal muscles. Oh, and some staples and stitches too.

All of this from running. And all of this so I can run again. Soon, I hope.

Dr. Hilarious, aware of my fondness for medical practitioners who share my follicle challenges and who have ironic names, referred me to a Dr. Harmon. Of course.

So Do-no-Harmon met with me last week to talk through the surgery.

Main Points:
-He does hundreds of these surgeries a year. He's never killed anyone.
-Laparoscopic surgery: In through the belly button with a scope, and with the tools on either side of the lower abdomen.
-No one knows the frequency of recurrence after surgery, because dudes are stupid. Chances are that a lot of guys who suffer a recurrence blame the surgeon and go to someone else.
-Rather than stitching muscle together, surgical mesh is stretched over the giant, gaping hole in my gut and the muscle is supposed to grow over it. After 2 weeks, the mesh is 75% covered. At 3 weeks, 95%.
-It's gonna hurt.

Day of Operation
Just in case I died on the table, The Colleague and I met some former students of mine for what I want my last meal to be: sushi. As much as possible. As fresh as possible. After that, it was no food or drink after midnight.

So, Dr. Hilarious referred me to Dr. Harmon. The Colleague (h) drove me to the surgery center, where the anesthesiologist (Dr. Hardy) gave me the drugs.

General anesthesia has to be one of the weirdest experiences a person can have.

Dr. Hardy says, "Ok, you're going to get a little woozy." Next thing I know I'm waking up in a different room. 2 hours went by. Dr. do-no Harmon cut into me and stitched me back together while a med student watched the show. And I woke up like not one second passed. 2 hours gone.

By the time I saw The Colleague again, I was pretty much ready to roll. I wasn't babbling like a drugged up lunatic (though apparently I asked for the anesthesiologist's name at some point...what the hell?), I didn't ask anyone to marry me, and as far as I know I didn't embarrass myself.

I went into the surgery center at 8:30 a.m. and was home in bed by 1:00 p.m. Not bad.

The Day After
The Colleague is off for an oil-baroness meeting in Montana today, so I am at The Shack tending to myself, trying to move around as much as possible, and thinking about getting some work done, though concentration is not my strong suit at the moment. I sent one work-related email this morning that I probably shouldn't have. I'll wait until I'm off the dope to do anything else in that arena.

They ask you to measure pain on a scale of 1-10. Ok. At the moment, even with the narcotics, we're talking about a 5. Without? Not good.

One Other Thing

• We started actual work on the Cape Dory last weekend. Check it out: http://capedory27.blogspot.com

In Repair: Stories about Boats, Bikes, and Inguinal Canals

The Landmark Case of Running v. Riding (2009)

The Colleague was asking me last night about the difference, for me, between running and cycling, trying, I think, to get at the root of why I get so much more satisfaction from running than riding. I'm not sure I have a definitive answer, but I tried. And I'll try again here.

This line of discussion brought to you by the worst of the nagging running injuries I've had to date. Worse than the stress fracture in the foot (though that was a pretty serious pain in the ass) and worse than the torn calf muscle (at least I knew once that was torn I couldn't make it worse).

Back to the running versus cycling question: Cycling is cool. I love it. I love big sweeping downhills, I dig cranking up hills and skyrocketing the heart rate. And you know I love the Fuji. Bikes are cool. But that, I realized, is part of the problem. The gear. I have an inherent distrust of gear that goes back to my serious climbing days.

In running, the only thing that can really break down is you. Sure, I burn through a lot of shoes. And I have a lot of gadgets and toys that go along with running. But if my iPod isn't working, or the Garmin can't pick up a satellite signal, big deal. The bike can break down. That's a lot of moving parts to go wrong, and hedging against that possibility is a drag.

Case in point: flat tires. I don't know what it is about me and the Fuji, but we seem to court flat tires at an alarming rate. Every other ride it seems like I'm at the side of the road peeling a tire off a rim and changing a tube. Total drag. The wheels are currently off the Fuji waiting for me to get to changing out the tires and the tubes. And actually, what I should do is take her in for a full tune up, but then I'd be without the bike for a week. Another issue about cycling.

I should get to the tire repair soon, though because aside form sitting and breathing, riding is about the only active thing I can manage at the moment. Which brings us to:

The Further Adventures of Dr. Hilarious and GVB's Lower Abdomen

Two of you will remember that about 8 months ago, while training for the Seattle Marathon, I started to complain about pain in my ab muscles (you know, that rippling six pack of mine). After long runs it would hurt to sit up for a few days and then it would go away. I just assumed that my abs were getting sore from the running.

I ran/suffered through the Seattle Marathon with the ab pain, but after the race it never got better. An appointment with Dr. Hilarious was in order. Both of my readers might also remember this medical moment from January.

After the visit I tried to keep training for Vancouver, but after my 14 mile run with Cap'n Ron I knew it was over. I couldn't move. I couldn't get in and out of the car. Several other, well, "activities" caused considerable pain (worth it). So I took step two of Dr. Hilarious's suggested path: rest. I stopped running.

Still, nothing got better.

Last week I got to see the inside of my gut through the magic of ultrasound technology and after Pat the Ultrasound Technician poked around for an hour, gazing longingly at my organs, she found it. An actual hernia. Not the sports hernia I thought it was (thereby supporting Dr, Hilarious's case against Internet-aided self-diagnosis) but an actual hernia. A tear in the muscles along the inguinal canal that lets the "stuff" out. In this case, the "stuff" is a thin layer of fatty tissue (mmmmm...fatty tissue) that lodged itself in there and never left. Lucky, that. Without that fatty tissue in there, who knows what part of my innards would be poking out of there.

So Dr. Hilarious has sent me off to his "hernia surgeon guy" in Edmonds. I'll see him this week and hopefully on his schedule soon enough to get this done before we leave for Africa in late June.

As The Colleague said to me last night, you know you've exhausted the other options and are ready for surgery when the prospect of some dude cutting you open and stitching your guts together is appealing. More as I know more.

Remember that Boat We Sold and That Boat We Bought? Yeah, About That...

It will be a while before we're doing this...

...but the first steps have been made. The new/old/nameless boat is out of the water, on stands in the driveway, and ready for work to commence. No small project.

In honor of the fact that most of the people who are truly interested in the refit of a 1979 Cape Dory 27 aren't interested in my musings about my ab muscles and the Zanax-fueled dysfunction at the Learning Factory (and vice-a-versa I suspect), The Colleague and I launched a new blog project to follow the epic battle of Man and Woman against Aging Fiberglass and Aluminum.

Check it out at at http://capedory27.blogspot.com.

Coming Soon!*

The Colleague and I leave for Kenya in a little over a month. Watch for more details, updates, and so on at our OTHER new blog project. Details to come as soon as we decide on the details.

*That's What She Said

I Want to Know Some Things

It's true. I don't really want much. But I know what I want.

1. I want someone to explain to me why I can't spend my professional development money on out-of-state travel this year. This is, ostensibly, because of state budget cuts. The Factory is, after all, a state institution. But hang on. If I get, say $1,000 a year to spend on professional development, and I still get to spend this year's allotment, and if I don't spent it it doesn't carry over or get used for something else at The Factory, why the hell can't I spend it to go to a conference in Portland? I can spend it to go to a conference in Vancouver. Why not Portland?

2. I want to know why I only drink black coffee when the kids have burned through all the milk by drowning their Honey Nut Cheerios in it every morning. I rather like black coffee, but I forget that I do because we usually have milk. Someone remind me about this in the morning.

3. I want to know why my muscles aren't healing. Dr. Hilarious said the would and they're not.

4. I want to know why The Colleague keeps getting monthly issues of ALLURE magazine despite having never subscribed to it, but when I was a week late renewing RUNNER'S WORLD they stopped sending it AND cut off my access to their online resources.

5. I want to know how I am expected to get the same satisfaction from cycling as I do (did) from running. It just isn't the same. It's not. Really. I like it and all, but running is cooler. Sorry.

6. I want to know why The Colleague and I didn't think of this first: Stuff For Sale I Will Mail You.

7. I want to know where spring went. Enough already.

8. I want to know what's next.

9. I want to know what it is going to take, once and for all, to stop the bullshit at The Factory. Nothing seems to work. I'm thinking about calling in the Colombia Ex-Pat to crack some skulls.

10. I want to know who all the Cylons are. But not really. We still have ten DVDs worth of episodes to watch. Ssssshhhhh.

2, 987 miles!

Details to come. But I have work to do first...

Here's the map of the trip.


View Larger Map

Out of Office Auto Reply

Auto-Reply:
Hello and thanks for emailing. I'm out of the office until next month. I'm done grading your crappy papers and tired of you complaining over a participation score from 3 months ago that only has a .02% impact on your final grade (which, by the way, wasn't a passing grade anyway, and that participation score ain't gonna make one twit of difference).

I've rewritten the department schedule seventeen times in a futile attempt to make everyone happy and to keep anyone from starting another rumor about me and my devious intentions/rampant nepotism/favoritism/racism/sexual discrimination/age discrimination.

Normally I'd say that I'd get back to you upon my return to the office, but I won't, so I am not going to say I will. I'm out.

If this is in regards to a lawsuit against someone else through which you hope to railroad me into incriminating myself in testimony, please contact someone with an actual administrative job. The current wait time to sue me is 9 months.

Southing
I leave tomorrow on a several day adventure from Seattle to Pasadena on the 650GS. So far it looks like I only have to get south of Eugene, Oregon to get into some reasonably dry weather.

I just have to make it to Pasadena by Friday to meet The Colleague, who is taking the faster/warmer route via commercial airliner. I figured out today why The Colleague likes flying so much. It's the free porn, isn't it?

I will post frequent updates on the ride via Twitter, which shows up right here on this very blog for your viewing pleasure. More from the road!

NCAA
1. My bracket is screwed. I am terrible at these things. Mostly because I don't really care.
2. The Huskies keep breaking my heart in this tournament. I think it's easier when they don't make the post-season. At least this year they didn't get far enough to have their spirits crushed by UConn again.

The New Boat Search Committee

Newly Boatless Couple Seeks Salty Cruising Sloop for Summer Sailing and Potential Offshore Adventures. Must be under 30', willing to undergo a complete makeover, content sitting at anchor for several days in a row in Canadian harbors, and able to carry some sail in heavy air. Full-keel preferred but not required.

With the title of The 'Hood officially transferred, the New Boat Search Committee has officially convened.

We have been accepting applications for some time, with the clear caveat that the position of New Boat would be filled contingent upon funding. With the funding in place, it is time to begin serious screening of applications. The committee is also accepting letters of support for any of the candidates listed below:


Pacific Seacraft 25
Strengths: Painfully cute, unique, and totally affordable. She looks salty and has a proven bluewater resume.
Weaknesses: The specific boat we are looking at would need new sails, a fair amount of engine work, and a rebuilt interior. Also not the cheapest of the bunch. The lack of headroom (and the lack of a head) work against her.

Commentary: She's cute as hell and would be a blast to sail. A 25 foot boat is also a lot easier and cheaper to moor, haul, paint, repair, and maintain than a larger boat. Imagining being caught out in the Straits of Juan de Fuca in a big blow in a 25 foot boat isn't terribly pleasant...

Contessa 26
Strengths: Well-known circumnavigator with a solid design and decent performance.
Weaknesses: Not as traditional in looks or design as some others. Would need new sails. Engine is a question mark. Most expensive of the bunch and still might need some work. Most are in British Columbia, which makes viewing one a bit of a chore. Now, if we had a boat we could sail to Sydney and look at a few...wait...

Commentary: This is technically the "fastest" of the boats currently under consideration, though when you're talking about full-keeled cruising boats fast isn't really a consideration. The Contessa 26 has a little more head room than the PS 25, but not much, and only at the companionway. The simple sloop rig has a lot going for it, and the engines, if in decent shape, are more than enough to power the boat through the chop.

Cape Dory 27
Strengths: Full standing headroom, actual head compartment, full v-berth, big cockpit, sloop rig. Full-keeled cruiser that can go offshore with no worries. Classic looks, good design, and good sailing characteristics.

Weaknesses: The specific candidate in question is in rough shape. This is a project boat to be sure. The main concern is the single-cylinder Yanmar engine that is probably dead and even at its best is too small for the boat. With an 18 HP engine, this boat would be pretty close to ideal.

Commentary: The committee is going to visit this candidate soon and make a more detailed assessment of her needs. What looks like a bargain might end up costing much more in the long run.

Write In Candidates?
Mind you, this is not the complete list and we are still taking applications. Please send us resumes of qualified boats.

Theater of the Absurd

ACT ONE

SETTING: Suburban community college with industrial architecture and a 1-1 student-car ratio. It is the early 21st Century and the country is in the middle of an economic crisis that has no immediate end. It is late winter, but there are occasional signs of spring, including the wildly misplaced application of low-rider jeans and exposed midriffs...

Curtains open to a show a typewritten memo projected on a large screen. The memo reads, in part "Due to the required budget cuts, we are raising class size by five students per section and suspending the purchase of bottled water for staff lounge water coolers."

Screen lifts, exposing an industrial-looking meeting room, with two dozen faculty - mostly white - sitting at what appears to be a department meeting.

Dean Mary Misstep: Before we get to the rest of the agenda, I want to ask a quick question about protocol. Being new here, I don't know how I should go about assigning the much-coveted window office being vacated by Sally Sociologist. Is this usually done by seniority, or -

Pear Shaped Woman: I just want to clarify that I heard you say you are new here and don't know what to do about this situation. Is that correct? (scribbles something in her notes)

Larry Lecturer: I want to thank you, Mary Misstep, for bringing this out in the open so that we can all be a part of the conversation. This helps with the perception of transparency and fairness, and that makes us all feel better about the job you are doing.

Asian Pear Shaped Woman: It is my understanding that this is done by seniority and since I am the next most senior person, that means I would get that office -

Vinnie Veteran: Look, back in the day, we just moved offices whenever we wanted to, and if we disagreed, we'd go to the bar, get drunk, and fight it out. That's how I got the corner office. That's also how I got my third wife...

Pear Shaped Woman: So what I heard is that this is indeed a question of seniority? (scribbles something else in her notes)

Actual Academic is seen furiously entering a text message into his iPhone.

Larry Lecturer: There are several people who aren't in attendance at this meeting and I know they would want their voices heard, both individually and collectively. I'm not comfortable continuing this line of discussion without everyone present.

Dean Misstep: Ok, ok. I didn't mean to open up a wound here...

Susie Sociologist: I realize I already have a window office, but it is an undesirable one in a bad location. I have the smallest office of any of the window offices, and because it is on the north side of the building I get no direct sunlight. It's discriminatory, frankly. I believe I should get the opportunity to relocate to a more desirable window office before anyone with less seniority gets to move.

Vinnie Veteran: That sounds right. I'll help you move if you want. (winks)

Pear Shaped Woman: (Reading from notes) I believe that we should be using variables other than seniority to determine this issue. Shouldn't we be applying our diversity standards to this decision? As a white woman, I can still say that a woman of color should get first choice of an office. (Pats Asian Pear Shaped Woman on back)

Dennis Disinterested is seen reading a message on his iPhone and entering a text message in response.

Actual Academic is seen immediately reading a message on his iPhone.

Asian Pear Shaped Woman (in tears): My current window office is 10 doors away from my closest department colleague. I feel segregated from the rest of my department and it has a very negative impact on my life as a scholar, a thinker, and a person of color.

Heidi Hilarious: My office has a door and a window, and has the distinct benefit of being at my own house. Can we move on so I can go home?

Pear Shaped Woman: Not all of us, Heidi, have the benefit of a house or a family or a life outside of this college. I find it inappropriate for you to flaunt your happiness in front of all of us.

Asian Pear Shaped Woman: I just...I can't...I...This is so hard for me...I...the indignities suffered by people like me at this college just never seem to end...

Dean Misstep: Ok everyone. I've heard what you have to say. I guess I will hold off to make this devision until I have had a chance to sit down with my attorney and come up with a plan that is not in violation of the contract. And, oh, look at that, we're out of time. So we'll table the remaining items on the agenda for spring term. That means we will have a fill agenda in April. Remember, many of you are losing your jobs due to budget cuts, we are increasing your class capacities by 20 percent across the board, we are charging for parking, there is not more professional development travel allowed, the computer system will only be available from 7 am to noon Monday through Friday, textbooks will be marked up 150%, bottled water service will be suspended, the library will be mothballed, and the student union will be rented out to Health and Human Services to use as a methadone clinic. Now get out there and keep up the good work!

Faculty: Yay! It's Friday! Let's all awkwardly go our separate ways and not acknowledge one another!

Dean Misstep: Oh, and don't forget that the division office is down to two secretaries working swing shift. If you need any assistance you will have to come in after 6 pm! Thanks everyone!

Asian Pear Shaped Woman (to Pear Shaped Woman): Do you think I got the office? I went off script there for a minute...

Pear Shaped Woman: I have it all in my notes. If you don't get the office and I don't get yours when you move, I think we have a good case for an unfair labor lawsuit.

END SCENE.

10 Item Flash Post

1. Running again. 12 miles so far this week. Feeling pretty good about it.
2. The Factory had a meltdown in the rhetoric sector. Fallout yet to be assessed.
   
3. The spring beers are already out. But it is 32 degrees and snowing outside.
4. The 'Hood is sold. She leaves the Floating Trailer Park for her new life next week.
5. The New Boat Search Committee has had several meetings and has drafted criteria and selected early candidates. No report.
6. The Colleague is being sued. Probably.
7. American Idol is on.
   
8. Top Chef is on.
9. The Oscars Festivities are upcoming
10. I have managed to sit through the first 30 minutes of "Benjamin Button" 3 times.
    

I'm Gonna Update the Hell Out of This Blog

Actual Sailing Content:
1. The 'Hood is officially going up for sale. Someone's going to get a good deal, too.
2. The Lion is apparently now a fourth-place boat. Skipper Krumm has updated and replaced everything onboard that pig (except the crew, of course) and still we can't seem to climb ahead of those other, less green, less old boats. Takes the pressure off. Now if he will just install that keg cooler we asked for we'll be all set for 'Round Whidbey this year.
3. Is anyone else following the Vendee Globe race this year? Do I have to move to France to get any coverage of this? I've never quite understood why sailing can't work as a televised sport in this country. Especially the big races like the Vendee Globe. It has everything Americans love: speed, horrible conditions, crashes, over-engineered machines, and the serious potential for death. I think ESPN should film and produce the Key West Race Week this year and see what sort of ratings they get. It's exciting stuff to watch rich dudes crash million dollar boats into each other at the windward mark! Come on! Don't make me move to France. Ok, I'll move to France.


Actual Running Content:
I'm running again. Slowly. With Dr. Hilarious giving me the wave of the hand and the "do whatever you want to do, you will anyway" sort of advice on my injury-that-we-don't-call-a-sports-hernia, I have set out to start getting my legs back. So far so good. Last night's little cruise through the old Palace stomping grounds felt good and very little soreness in old abdominal region the next day. That said, if I am relegated to a running life of less than 5 miles a day, I might have to go on a killing spree.

As has been discussed here before, short runs are the worst sort of exercise evil. A 4 miler is just a warm up followed by a cool down with no actual running time anywhere in there.

Still a long way from being able to think about real training or racing, but who knows. Physical therapy starts soon. That should help too!



Theoretical Climbing Content:
It could have been the beer, but Cap'n Ron and I started seriously talking about a spring/summer climbing plan for this year. After 11 years I think it might indeed be time to hump it up Rainier again and get up into the North Cascades to pay homage to Fred Beckey. I'm in. I think I have some climbing gear around here somewhere...

Theoretical Riding Content:
The Fuji is sitting right here. It wouldn't kill me to start riding to work and such. Would it?

But it's just so damn cold and wet out there. And I'm not in love with the 12 tons of sand left on the roads after the snow we had. Nothing quite like cornering on that stuff!

Also, the plans are pretty intact for a motorcycle trip south during spring break this year! A couple thousand miles down to Pasadena and back? Sign me up. Solo down, two-up with The Colleague home? Sign me up. No plan or itinerary? Yes please. Small towns, two-lane roads, and campgrounds? I'm in.

Bonus Coverage:
The Factory
Oooooo boy it's getting exciting 'round here. Gregg Easterbrook's last piece at ESPN.com had a section about presidents loving crises so much that they invented them when there weren't any just so they could say they managed a crises. So they call a downturn in the economy a "crisis" so that when it naturally takes care of itself they can say they presided over it and saved the world. Well, as Easterbrook points out, there are very few real crises that need intervention from the president.

I get the feeling that this is what is going on at The Factory. Everyone in administration is running around using huge numbers and predicting dire results if we don't sell everything for the cause. We HAVE to raise class capacities or we'll all DIE. We have to fire a million teachers and cancel everything but one English and one math class! It's an endless downward spiral of economic woe!

Bullshit, I say. In the end, some fat will be trimmed, some programs that don't have an audience anymore will be cut, and perhaps some adjunct faculty will not be retained. And then Fearless Bicycle Riding Leader can say "Hey gang, look how great we did! We didn't have to fire any tenured faculty! We didn't reduce capacity at all!"

Good job Leader. Sigh.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are just teaching our classes and rolling our eyes at the doomsday prophecies.

South for the Winter
I would rather be in Mexico now.
So I think I will start packing.

Rx

I'm Pretty Sure at Least the Pain is Real!
One thing I love is when I have an injury that the medical community can't even agree exists. That's AWESOME!

I made the trek to see Dr. Hilarious last night to grab his one open appointment for 2009. After confirming (via the handy chart on the wall) that my Body Mass Index results indicate that I am overweight (I know I'm not in my best shape at the moment, but I'm only 5 pounds heavier than when I ran my last marathon in November. Overweight? If I'm overweight, what do they use to describe actual fat people?) Dr. H confirmed that I likely have torn muscles in my abdominal wall. To the running world, as far as I can tell, this is called a Sports Hernia.

But don't tell the good doc this. Nope. Dr. Hilarious launches into a rant about what the word hernia actually means and how upset he is that people misuse the term to describe things they want a cool name for so they can charge more for rehabilitation and treatment at specialty sports rehab clinics, etc.

Imagine how upset I get when someone misuses the word "irony" and you have some idea as to the vigor with which Dr. Hilarious delivered this speech.

Anyway, there was much discussion about training and running and when it happened, etc. My best guess is that I have been running with some degree of this injury for several months, probably since late summer.

What I learned:

• Dr. Hilarious doesn't believe in Sports Hernias. Torn or injured muscles in the lower abdominal wall, yes. Sports Hernia? No. "Unless some of your guts are sticking out through the tear in the muscle, it's not a hernia." Thanks doc.
• Core strength is the key to avoiding this injury. So to all of you distance runners out there, hit the yoga studio and don't let up on the plank poses. Also crunches. Lots of crunches. I hate core strength workouts.
• The rough explanation of this injury-that-we-aren't-calling-a-sports-hernia-anymore is that the hip flexor muscles and the other muscles on the top of the upper thigh win a tug-o-war with the tissue in the lower abdomen.
  
• In runners this injury happens mostly at distance.
  

Rx:

• Right after his rant about sports medicine clinics charging more for cool sounding injury treatment, Dr. Hilarious referred me to The Donaldson Clinic, a sports medicine rehabilitation clinic here in town. Seems about right. Next lesson: hypocrisies.
• Core strength (with physical therapy), rest, and short runs. For the time being I am limited to 5 miles maximum and 1 minute slower than normal training pace, which means 9:00 miles.
• 6 month re-evaluation.

Note: Those of you who know me KNOW I am going to fuck this up by pushing too hard too soon, so stay tuned for the re-injury report. I am not canceling my plans to run Vancouver in May. If I can keep a decent weekly mileage number and stay in shape between now and April I think I have a shot of running at least a 3:45 up there while I watch Scott and Ron take off into the distance to get their Boston times.

Then what?:

• "Since no one agrees that this injury is even real, surgeons don't like to try to fix it. Maybe they just don't know what to call the surgery when they are out with their friends so they don't want to do it. 'Double bypass' sounds cooler than 'lower abdominal tissue repair.'" - Dr. Hilarious.

So here I sit, about to try my first run in a month and hoping against hope I don't feel anything go riiiiiiip.

I'll keep you all updated with the gory details. Keep an eye on my mileage and workout information in the right hand column over there. It's gonna be a slow start to the year for me.

Also:
The Colleague and I are going to Mexico. Cap'n Ron is going to Oahu, and RPD is off to Maui. What's up folks, don't like the shit ass weather?

Also Also:
We've been watching a lot of movies in anticipation of our sort of annual Oscar night wine binge, and I have to say, most of them suck.

Snowfall, Vacations, and Injuries. One Stop Shopping.

We've got it all here at SailRunClimbRide. Well, everything except sailing, running, climbing, or riding. But if you're all nice, we might just throw in some of that as well. Let me talk to my manager and see what I can do for you...


Snow
It's snowing. But you know this because it is WINTER STORM 2008! or some variant thereof, depending on which local channel you watch. I'm happy to not be out in it, though I am tempted to go for a run on the BG trail later. And actually, given the experience I just had delivering SuperVan to the bottom of the hill for any future transportation needs, I don't think running is a terribly strong plan.

Vacation
Dear students,

You have had 11 weeks to ask me about grading policies and assignment scores, and my Out-of-Office message should be a hint that I don't want you to bother me about why you missed 3 points on your first paper back in October. Also, I apologize on behalf of the US Public Education System that you don't understand how percentages work or how to read a simple chart that converts percentage scores to decimal scores. I'm on vacation. Leave me alone.

I am also not a financial aid advisor, so I don't know how you're failure in my class will affect your cash flow. Sorry.

Oh, and I recognize your name from my roster, but since you never came to class or office hours, I have no idea who you are. I don't know if that has any effect on your grade or not...



Injuries
Dr. Hilarious is on vacation until January, so I don't have the details yet, but symptoms suggest GVB is running with torn abdominal muscles (aka sports hernia). Awesome. When I was running every day in training for the Seattle Marathon, I assumed the pain in my non-existent abs was simply sore muscles. But when the pain got worse in the layoff after the race, knew something was up.

Sports hernias are interesting monsters. Apparently what happens is that the muscles of the upper leg get stronger than the muscles in the abdominal wall, to which they are attached. The stronger muscles win the tug-of-war and tear the weaker ones. Good times. So know it is a forced layoff to see how this heals up. Then a LOT more core strength work in addition to ramping up the training for Vancouver. I'm not to hip on the idea of surgery to repair this thing. I'd rather not have someone cut me open and stitch my muscles back together, thanks. Even doing sit ups and crunches sounds better than that.

Bonus Material

• The 'Hood is officially for sale. You can make the check out to the Pacific Seacraft 25 we want.
• The 12K's of Christmas, scheduled for last Sunday and "skipped" by me when the sheet of ice appeared on our hill, was apparently canceled, though the race committee didn't notify anyone of that fact. As a consolation prize? I get to sign up for another one of their races at a discount. Oooooh. Thanks. Assholes.
• Puerto Vallarta, Florida, New York City, Pasadena, Kenya. Anywhere else I need to go in the coming months? Let me know.
• Confession: I watch The Real Housewives of Orange County. Fact: I didn't know shows like that could jump the shark, but apparently they can. Yikes.
  
• I am going back to school to become a chef. It seems fun.
• Hulu.com is the latest reason I am not getting anything done. Related note: a few episodes of Kitchen Nightmares are ok. More than that and you are just torturing yourself with massively formulaic "reality" television.
  

End Transmission

Of Goals Not Met: Now With More Shame!

CNN is Calling it Early...
I know the year isn't over yet, but it's 8:00 p.m. EST on election night and a comeback is a mathematic improbability. I'm calling it. I missed my yearly mileage goal. And that might explain part of why I sucked so bad at the Seattle Marathon. Now that I've officially come up short, the pundits can tear into my past mistakes and analyze them with the precision of hindsight...

Today's 5 mile run through the ghetto of Kenmore put me at 803 miles for the year. Unless I do nothing but run from now until New Year's Eve, I'm going to come up short of the 1,000 mile goal I set for myself. So that sucks.

I'm shooting for 1,000 next year, and how much do you want to bet that if I get there, my marathon times will improve along the way? Sucker bet, I know. Mileage is the key to those long races, and I just didn't pack in the miles this year. My best months were October and November, at over 100 miles each, but those included all of my long training runs AND the Seattle Marathon, so you would expect those to be high. I should be running consistent 100 mile months (more like 150, actually, if my weekly mileage is where it should be).

Obama raised his campaign fortune $5 at a time, and I think there is a lesson there for everyone. I need more frequent little runs packed around my long weekend runs to build up the miles. 5 here, 6 there...that's the ticket. Anyone care to make a small donation?

So in addition to not making my goal pace at the Seattle Marathon, I am now shamed by missing my mileage goal. I also didn't cure AIDS, discover any physical principles, or bungee jump from a bridge in New Zealand. Oh well, there's always next year.

Hey GVB, What's Up Next?
Another chance to come up short! The Vancouver Marathon is on May 3rd. Cap'n Ron will be there again, and so will Former Fraternity Acquaintance. Anyone else? Early registration ends December 15th. After running Seattle, I am actually looking forward to Vancouver for its organization, support, and attention to detail. They put together good races up there.

I'm really going to train for this one. Speed work, hills, and distance. The whole ticket. I'd like to get this Boston Qualifying monkey off my back. He's heavy to drag around the course.

What's Up at The Factory?
Well, let's see here...

1. Our union president is a complete idiot
2. The Colleague's computer is magically downloading porn on its own
3. Our dean has lost her mind (and, apparently, her hairbrush)
4. We get to teach more students in more classes for less money!
5. I might be going to Florida for 3 days to do focus group work on a textbook
6. The Colleage and I have officially announced our exit strategy for the department chair work
7. Sweater is expanding
8. Pear is expanding
9. Mysterious Math/Science Tenure Abuser is expanding
10. The Factory itself is shrinking. Something has to give here...
11. Everyone is carefully studying the RIF list...
    

Half and Half (13.1 + 13.1)

I have officially survived another 26.2 mile romp through a northwest city. The Seattle Marathon is over, and I managed to force myself around the course in 3 hours, 42 minutes, and 12 seconds, well off my goal time but satisfying nonetheless.

The Seattle course reinforces just how far 26.2 miles in real terms. From the start at Seattle Center, the course starts off down 5th Avenue, past Pioneer Square, and onto I-90 at Safeco Field. That takes care of 2 whole miles. 2 miles from one end of the city to the other. Then it's across I-90, through the Mt. Baker Tunnel, across Lake Washington to Mercer Island, BACK across the lake, south to Seward Park, back north through Leschi, up and over Capitol Hill, through the Arboretum, and back down toward Eastlake into downtown again for a finish at Memorial Stadium. Sheesh.

For a bit of scale, 26.2 miles is roughly the driving distance from:

• Seattle to Everett
  
• Seattle to North Bend
  
• Bellevue to SeaTac Airport
• and, for you Californians, Pasadena to LAX

Still, it's a good course that avoids a few of the things that suck about the Portland and Vancouver courses, namely shady industrial districts and crack house row. The long stretch next to Lake Washington is great, and the two parks included in the course add a nice non-urban feel.

Here are some highlights and lowlights from race day, separated into the first half and last half of the race.

0.0-13.1

• Who needs to rest before an endurance event? I got somewhere around 3 hours of sleep the night before the race. I have no idea why I was so amped up, but I just couldn't sleep. And once I can't sleep, it all goes to hell. Worrying about waking up, about transportation, everything. And here I thought sleeping in my own bed the night before a 'thon would be a good thing. Nope. I'm like the Seinfeld marathoner, Jean Paul...
  
• The Colleague and I slipped into Seattle Center the back way down 99 rather than dealing with the Mercer Street nightmare. Stress-free, cheap parking, and plenty of time to spare! A small miracle. I had a lot of time to walk toward the start, find the uncrowded port-o-johns, and start to plan my race. Local knowledge wins again.
  
• Despite the fact that the Seattle Marathon organizers insist on sending all of the walkers and half marathon runners out right before the marathon runners, the start was pretty good. We were up to pace quickly and after a glimpse of The Colleague standing under the Monorail on 5th, I cruised through the first mile. A little fast as usual. In mile two I caught up with Owen the Tattoo Guy from Parlor F. Owen is a running machine who apparently just decided the day before the race that he should run a marathon this week. What the hell, right? We ran together for the next 13 miles or so, while he tried to talk me into running an Ultra Marathon this summer. By Owen's logic, if you can do 26.2 you can do 50. That's some sound reasoning right there.
  
• Course Problem #1: The merge onto I-90 has two lanes separated by a concrete barrier. You go left, you are stuck left. Go right, you are stuck right. No signs and no volunteers to explain that every marathon walker is 1/4 mile ahead in the left lane? Awesome. Scene: runners coming up behind a mob of slow walkers on the first real hill of the course and jumping over the median to avoid them. Nice.
  
• Running with Owen is its own reward for the pure entertainment of watching the crowd and other runners react to a guy in shorts and a tank top with tattoos covering most of his body. On the out-and-back sections we heard a lot of "Hey! There's the Tattoo Guy again! Go tattoo guy!!"
• Course Problem #2: I know there isn't a good way around it, but running through the I-90 tunnel is miserable. It's incredibly loud and the air smells like exhaust even though the tunnel is closed for the race. I overheated like crazy in here and it is the part of the course where the walkers seem to want to stop and have coffee around the aid stations. Dodging walkers is great fun!
• Running across the floating bridge could be cool, except for the dense fog that, after coming out of the oven in the tunnel, sucked every bit of heat I had right out of me.
  
• A lot of really rich people live along Lake Washington, and many of them are NOT happy to have their road closed for an event like this. That's you, grumpy Asian guy. Thanks for stopping short of actually running anyone over to get out of your driveway.
  
• To the woman chain smoking on the side of the course near Seward Park. $%k You! You know what runners love when they are sucking wind and trying to keep their pace halfway into a race? Cigarette smoke.
• Praise for the Seattle Marathon: Aid stations every two miles through the whole race. Rather than having to memorize where they were from a map, I could just count on every odd mile having an aid station with water and Gatorade. Also, thank you for not having different energy drinks at each station based on sponsorship (Portland). I don't need to be switching from Gatorade to something else in the middle of a race.
• The run around Seward Park was nice and reminded me of the halfway point of Vancouver through Stanley Park, only there wasn't a soul to be found at the 13.1 mile mark of this race. Isn't this a split? I at least want a kid with a "You're halfway there!" sign. Sheesh.
  
• My half marathon split was right on my goal pace, but I knew the hardest part of the course was ahead of me, and I had no potential Colleague sightings until the finish.
• Course Problem #3: Because the course leaves the city so quickly and spends so long on the Lake Washington side of town, it is impossible for spectators to get to multiple spots along the course. Portland has a similar problem, but even there someone on foot can get to 2 or 3 spots ahead of the runners. Vancouver is awesome for this. Seattle sucks. Sigh.

13.1-26.2

• Let the beating begin! I like to think that Owen pulled away from me in the late teen miles, but I slowed down. My "even" effort was taking just as much energy but giving me less output. Still, I was around my goal pace and everything felt good. I was just dragging a little.
  
• GU is gross. It tastes fine and everything, but once you are really working hard, it is hard to suck those things down for energy. I spent several miles telling my stomach to shut up about the torture, to little avail. During my complaining about this is when Owen told me that he ate 60 GUs during his 100 mile race this summer. 60? I had 4 during the 'thon and wanted to puke.
• Climb! The Galer Street hill. Not so bad. For all of the worrying I did about this barrier, I pushed right through it. Slower than on the flats, to be sure, but solid.
  
• Top of the Hill. Ouch. The climb wiped me out pretty good. It's mile 22 here, and I'm definitely, definitely tired. 22 is the limit of my long training runs, and anything after that is a crap shoot in terms of how my body will react. I still think it's weird that a the marathon people make the early miles so short and the late miles so friggin' long!
• When the course dives into the Arboretum it should be time to start pressing for the finish. 4 miles to go! 4 measly little miles! Just suck it up. I got a little downhill spot and picked up my pace here.
• And this is when the wheels come off. My left hamstring started to threaten to cramp so I changed my stride to keep it from locking up. But changing my stride has a ripple effect on the rest of my sorry, sorry, pathetic excuse for a runner's body. I kept the cramp from going completely postal on me, but I had to slow way down to do it.
• Course Problem #4: The Arboretum is pretty. A narrow road winding through the trees above the city? Awesome! The problem? The pavement is NYC pothole bad. Asphalt on top of concrete on top of brick with some gravel and sand mixed in. Holes everywhere. So, add trail running awareness to this stretch of the course.
  
• Back to the City! Coming down off of the hill and back toward downtown is a nice easy part of the course but I'm completely spent by mile 24. I get my glimpse of the finish line and decide between stopping at the pub right there on the corner or torturing myself for another 2.2 miles. I watch a few guys in front of me quit and sit down on the curb and decide that I don't really want to be one of them. So I keep going. Slowly.
• Memorial Stadium. Done. Unlike my last two marathons, after the finish here there was no elation or happiness. In fact, I sort of lost consciousness for a minute or two after they took my chip and handed me a space blanket. The Colleague was hollering at me, apparently, but all I wanted to do was sit down and pass out.

• Warm Bananas? Acupuncture? Are you kidding me? I was actually craving a banana and some water in the recovery area. But who serves WARM bananas? Actually heated up? And clam chowder? What?! I understand massage after a race, but acupuncture? What the hell? We bailed the "after party" as quickly as possible.

One day later and I feel ready to go for the next event. Stay tuned for Vancouver Marathon training plans! This time I won't be quite as embarrassed to be an American in Canada.

Thanks Barack!

(now fix my economy)

Seattle Marathon Pre-Race Musings

Cut This!
We can get to the pre-marathon stuff in a minute. But how can I pass up commenting on the fecal matter that is hitting the spinning blades at The Learning Factory? First, some logic:

1. Enrollments are at an all-time high and were projected to climb again next year as a large senior class graduates local high schools.
2. With jobless claims at their highest levels in years, more people are going back to college to get trained how to analyze the poetry of T.S. Eliot (A valuable job skill. Shut up. What I do matters.)
3. Answer: cut funding by 20%, reduce enrollments, and fire teachers. Seems about right.
   

I get that we are in for a lot of changes and cuts in the next few years. But I have no faith that our "leadership" will be able to guide any of this with an ounce of creativity or thoughtfulness. Nope. This is going to be Lord of the Flies, fiscal edition. The latest rumor is my favorite because I know exactly where it started and who propagated it (and for what purpose):

Did you know that our dean is planning to fire all of us and only rehire a few tenured instructors as part timers so she has complete hiring and firing authority without recourse? Did you know that? It's true. Mrs. Saved Seat heard it from Eastern Bloc Guy and Pear Shaped Woman told Horrifying Former Instructor. That makes it true. Good times ahead.

Where's that RIF list now?

If I don't hear about at least a 10% salary cut of Mr. President's salary pretty soon, I'll be a little upset. Sure, I'll overload my classes and volunteer my previously paid extra work. But not if I don't see some salary cuts in administration. Seriously. The cost of living in Kansas is not that high.

Oh and also? Thanks for trying to cut the funding for our trip to Kenya, you pricks. Too bad those tickets were non-refundable.

Ok. Now Back to the Running Content.
The Seattle Marathon is this Sunday. Yes it is. Which means this week is pretty much taken up by me sitting around wishing I could lace 'em up and go for a nice 12 miler to clear my head. Instead, I'm pretty much sitting at home with a head clogged full of race thoughts, questions, anxieties, and fears. Good times for everyone.

1. The Pace. I am terrible at setting a reasonable pace and keeping it. I can't slow down for my long training runs and I'm worse in races. I need to come up with something that will keep me from trying to prove ANYTHING during this race. I did no speed work and I don't really have the mileage behind me to be pressing during this race. So I'm thinking I'll try to go out at an 8:00/mile pace and see what happens from there. That's the goal. But I have no idea how I'll hold myself to it. Chances are pretty good that I'll feel good enough to push and will end up with a few 7:30's in there, for which I will sheepishly apologize in my post-race report.
   
2. The Course. I've been looking at the course maps to try to visualize different parts of the race. I've done the Seattle Half Marathon a couple of times, so I know the first 4 and last 4 miles of the course pretty well. The start heads south down 5th Avenue toward Pioneer Square. Two very fast miles here, mostly downhill. The goal here is to stay even and keep from pushing early. Then there is a big climb up onto I-90 in front of that stadium where the Mariners lose all the time. Once this climb is over, it's flat and downhill on I-90 itself, through the tunnel and out onto the bridge for the first of two out-and-back sections. Aside from a short, steep climb on the east side of the bridge before the turnaround, the course is flat and fast from mile 3 through 19. Out and back across the bridge, south to Seward Park, then north along Lake Washington before the killer climb. Galer Street. Galer Street. This hill haunts me. 200' in less than a mile before the course dumps into the Arboretum. If I can keep from blowing up in mile 20, everything will be fine. There is enough downhill and flat running left in miles 21-26 that I can suck it up and push for the finish. I think. I guess we'll find out if living on this damn hill has helped my climbing ability any! Oh, and for anyone who hasn't done this race before, the finish inside Memorial Stadium, despite its obvious appeal for race organizers, sucks. After 26 miles of pounding mostly concrete roads (yes, you can tell the difference between concrete and asphalt) the last stretch is on the field turf of the football field. Read: soft and spongy. With already tired legs this surface might as well be sand or mud. Sucks. I can't believe more people don't take massive face plants here.
3. The (lack of) Support. Unlike Portland and Vancouver, which are both known for their fantastic support from locals, most of the Seattle course is a lonely, lonely place. Anyone care to volunteer to camp out on the hill at Galer Street and push me up? Shit. I will definitely be plugged into the Shuffle for this race.
   
4. Weather. The forecast is good. Which is good and bad for me. The evil streak in me was sort of hoping it would be dumping rain and blowing 40 knots from the south so I could change my mind at the last minute and just run the half. Sunny and 50 degrees? Shit. Now I don't have that excuse anymore.
5. I really don't know why I do this. I really don't. Running is stupid and no one should ever do it.
6. Also? This race is doomed. Ultimately there is not enough local support for it and no one comes into town for a race that is usually wet, cold, and windy (and dark). It is just a little to close to the Portland Marathon for anyone to really do a turnaround from that race to this one, it has very little local financial or personal support (every year there are letters to the editor bitching about how the marathon closes roads in Seattle. Oh the inconvenience!), and it is very poorly organized and managed. I love the idea of a home-town race. Traveling and staying in hotels before marathons sucks. But I just don't think this one will last much longer, especially with the Rock-n-Roll Marathon moving into town in June.
   

It's 11:00 a.m. on Wednesday. By this time Sunday I should be somewhere around Galer Street cursing those damned Greek cities for being so far apart.

Ten Things I (Think I) Know...

1. Many of the brave patrons/clients/customers/students of the Learning Factory are really not cut out for the study of the liberal arts. Case in point: the student who asked me, through tobacco-stained teeth and from underneath the bill of his super-cool straight-billed baseball cap, if there was a way to get his English credits done without having to take English. Ummm. Here is a picture of said student and his study partners:
   
2. My resolve for suffering through the Seattle Marathon if the weather turns ugly is pretty low. In fact, my resolve for leaving the house if they weather turns ugly is low. Hell, my resolve for suffering through the Seattle Marathon if it's 60 degrees and sunny is low. Maybe I'll just stay home and eat Ruffles.
3. Ruffles are awesome.
   
4. I could totally go for some Ruffles right now.
5. The Colleague and I are officially headed to Kenya in June. Ticketed and ready. I'll start packing soon.
6. Ending the training and tapering in anticipation of a race sucks. I am forcing myself to stick to short, easy runs this week to rest up for the Marathon next Sunday. But, as Cap'n Ron has pointed out a number of times, short runs suck. Here's why. My body has gotten used to runs that are almost all 7+ miles and the more I run the longer it takes to get warmed up and start feeling good during a run. Way back when my longest runs were 5 miles, it took a mile to warm up. Now it isn't until mile 3 or so that I really know how a run is going to go. So when I do little 4 milers like today, I am never get to settle in. I am headed back to the Shack before it really even feels like I'm running. Sucks. Also, getting dressed, and geared up and talking myself into running takes longer than the run itself. Lame. Yes, I am complaining.
7. There's something wrong with the economy in this country. Has anyone else noticed this?
8. A few of the potential cuts at The Learning Factory might be a good thing. Does anyone know what the woman in the office across the hall from The Colleague actually does aside from chatting all day with Death Bed Chain Smoker? Remember all those "high demand" stipends and hiring bonuses that the computer crowd got back in 2000? Anyone else notice that they don't actually have students anymore? Just sayin'. Also, it seems like Mr. President could give up a little for the cause. The cost of living in Kansas is pretty low. Also charge for parking.
9. The girls know every word to every pop song on every radio station at every second of every day but they can't remember to put their shoes away.
10. It's cold and dark outside and I want to go to Mexico.
11. BONUS FACT: The Huskies are absolutely the worst football team I have ever watched. I think they might actually be more talented than the Cougar team that beat them this weekend in double overtime, but the Huskies' ability to find new ways to live down to their reputation is stunning. When they were leading by 10 points at halftime I knew they would lose. I just knew it. And I knew they would lose because of a ridiculously inept play at a crucial moment. It feels so good to be right! After they lose to Cal in two weeks I will have lived through 2 perfect seasons!
    

Going Small, Going Long, and Going Abroad

Slowly Falling for a New Girl
I was already in love with the idea of her. Now I've seen her and it might be hopeless. The Colleague and I visited a 1977 Pacific SeaCraft 25 this week in Port Townsend. She is up on stands in the boatyard, dirty, neglected, and in need of a makeover and some new rags, but damn she's cute. Painfully cute. Wouldn't she look even better with us in the cockpit? I think so.

This is the sort of boat you can truly love.

A 25 foot boat that can cross oceans? A cutter rigged, full-keeled, stoutly built cruiser? A fun day-sailer that we can take up the Inside Passage? Hard not to fall for her.

The Dreams are Starting Early
I have pre-marathon dreams that don't quite count as nightmares but are certainly not what a therapist would call "positive visualization." Usually they involve either arriving at the race late or losing my way on the course, or both. Last night the "course" was weaving in and out of buildings and was riddled with obstacles and puzzles to solve. In the dream, every time I got up to pace I had to stop or turn around. I was always on my Boston Qualifying pace too, until something popped up and slowed me down.

So today I tried to scare off some of that anxiety by studying the route and elevation profiles for the Seattle Marathon. That didn't help. A mile long 300 foot climb at mile 20? WTF?


Do I Really Have to Eat Meat Again?
It's official. The Colleague and I are headed for Kenya in June to research and organize a short term study abroad program for The Factory. Seems that in addition to learning a handful of Swahili phrases, I might have to learn to choke down meat again. I don't want to offend The Colleague's ex-boyfriend's wife when she serves up some sort of dead animal. You know?

Things That are Long

Fresh off the first of three long runs in preparation for the Seattle Marathon at the end of the month, I thought I would offer up a little run report and some thoughts on things loosely related to such pursuits.

RUNNING IS HARD (Especially When You Do it Wrong)
It's true. Sorry. While most of the running we do isn't hard (it's just tiring) there is a point in long runs where the very act of running three more steps is the hardest thing your body can imagine doing. I made the mistake of choosing a route that would give me a chance to climb some hills in the late miles of my planned 20-miler. The "logic" of the choice? Well, the Seattle Marathon has a hill late in the race, I should see what I can do with that. Moron. Am I the worst in the world at training the way I know I should train? Why didn't I stick with my original plan of running a one-way flat route along the Burke Gilman? The ONLY thing a long run is supposed to do is built endurance. That's it. Run slow and run long. Pace doesn't matter and neither does elevation. Run the track for speed, hills for hills, and long for long. Moron.

Here, for your entertainment, is the elevation profile of the run. Note what happens at mile 10. Then note miles 16-18. That's called "Simonds Road," where marathon dreams go to die...

WHAT NOT TO WEAR: FALL RUNNING EDITION
It's cold out. Right? Not really. It's in the mid 50s, windy, with a chance of rain. So why do I dress like I'm going to be standing on the sidelines of a youth soccer game instead of dressing like I'm going to be exerting myself for 3 hours? Because, in addition to being a moron (see above) I'm also a dumbass. I came very, very close to tossing my brand new Nike running shell around mile 8, hoping maybe it would still be there later when I came back for it. One plus: if a test of your hydration level is how much you are sweating, I can tell you with confidence that I was indeed hydrated.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?
To do any endurance sport (or, I imagine, to survive any sort of imprisonment) you have to be able to hold some pretty interesting conversations with yourself. Here are some things I've tried. None of them work.

1. Counting steps. I read about some famous marathoner counting the number of steps she took in a single mile and then trying to do the next mile in fewer steps. According to her, the "miles just fly by!" Bullshit. I lost interest and count at about 200.
2. Memorizing split times. When I first started running this was one of my standard mind tricks. But then I was only running 5 miles now, wasn't I? On this last run I started memorizing splits after mile 3, but I kept missing my miles and forgetting where I was, so it just pissed me off.
   
3. Mantras. At the Vancouver Marathon I was focused on conserving energy as much as I could in the early miles. Don't dodge too many people, don't get off track, don't overuse your arms, etc. I also had to remind myself not to pound my feet. It actually worked for a while to say "glide, glide, glide" as I ran, but let's face it, that sort of thing isn't sustainable for more than a mile or so.
4. Thinking About Baseball. Wait, that's a different blog...
5. Money. Not real money or real money issues. Sure, I could spend my running time thinking about the Shack budget, but I just don't think that would have much of a motivating or distracting effect. Long runs are the only time I play the "what would you do with x million dollars" game. It's a really complex one to figure out, especially if you happen to be running along the lake, past the waterfront homes and private moorings. I usually go with "that house, new boat" or something like that.
   
6. Delusions of Grandeur. I'll be honest, this one works, but only for a short term. Sorta like an energy drink or shot of espresso. Imagining the emotion and energy of finishing a race can be a nice 2 mile distraction. You can picture the clock, feel the elation of finishing, imagine the relief of crossing the timing mats, and puking on the volunteer removing your chip. Ahhh bliss.
   

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
I'm officially torn on the music thing. I like listening to my iPod when I run, but invariably a few different things happen. One, an inane pop song sneaks its way on there and bores itself into my brain never to be extracted. Two, I forget to charge it completely and lose power halfway through a run. Three, I get annoyed by the earphones or the cord or the little clip on my waistband and (often due to the cumulative effect of all three) want to pitch the damn thing into the river/lake/drainage ditch/garbage dumpster.

I do have a theory that I need to keep testing with this. Music seems to be the most memorable or apparent in the first 8 miles or so. Beyond that your brain is starting its slow descent into the fog of high mileage and even if the music is playing, you aren't going to really hear it.

All that said, it was a little moment of bliss when my Shuffle dialed up back-to-back Pearl Jam songs. "Alive" from back in the day, followed by their cover of The Who's "Love, Reign Over Me." The Who cover is fantastic, and I have a new appreciation for the percussion on that song after a recent night out with The Colleague. Seriously. Listen to the percussion. Go on. Do it.

I SMELL A SITCOM
Premise: Recently divorced liberal 30-Something keeps his house but spends all of his time down the street at his conservative friend's house because conservative friend is blindly loyal and supportive. Divorced liberal 30-Something only uses his own house as a place to store his kids' stuff and to host his trailer park girlfriend on the "down low." Conservative friend is a giant macho asshole who drives an impossibly big truck and treats women like shit. Still, liberal friend overlooks these character flaws in exchange for above-mentioned blind loyalty and access to dude culture.

Wait. That's not funny. Never mind.




ICE ICE BABY
I tried. I really did. I don't know how people do this. How are you really supposed to immerse yourself in an ice bath for anything more than a few seconds? This CAN'T be good for you. No way. Or maybe I'm missing something.



OH MY GOD, THIS FISH IS RAW!
I have said it before, and I'll say it again here: Sushi is the premier post-run food. A lot of easily digested protein wrapped in a little carbohydrate bomb, washed down with a Japanese beer? Heaven.

8:02?

Last week I set out for a nice little 5 miler in the wind and rain. Here are the splits:

1. 8:02
2. 8:02
3. 8:03
4. 8:02
5. 8:00

On my 5 miler today I put my watch in my pocket and turned off my iPod after deciding to run "unplugged." Here are the splits:

1. 8:03
2. 8:02
3. 8:02
4: 7:59
5: 8:20

Have I found my Seattle Marathon pace? This has to be fate, right?

This Would Be OK