Say It With Me Now...

A Valentines Message

If only I knew someone who this news story describes...damn.


Online Dating Helping Pathetic Women Get Their Hopes Crushed More Efficiently

Ten Things from a Ten Miler

I managed to drag my ass out for my planned 10 miler today, despite the driving rain, 40 degree temps, and a southerly 20 mph breeze. Oh, and also fatigue and boredom and a general feeling of "I truly hate running and I don't want to go out today".


To entertain myself on the boring-as-hell route on the Samammish River Trail, I devised a nice little list of ten things that I felt like sharing with all 2 of my readers...

Mile 1. 8:15: Weather forecasting in this city is a fucking joke. Granted, we live in one of the hardest weather forecasting areas in the world, but come on. The forecast on one weather site for the time of my run was overcast with southerly wind at 5 mph. On another it was for a chance of rain with a southwest wind of 10 mph. Still another site forecast showers with a 15 mph southerly wind. What did I get? Solid rain and 20 mph winds in my face. Very nice.

Mile 2. 8:01: Answer a question for me: why is it ok for fat cyclists to ride three abreast on the trail and not ok for runners? If I didn't think overweight Cannondale rider would just run me right the fuck over I'd hold my ground, but I don't want to die just yet, so I give in and end up running on the very edge of the pavement to avoid getting mowed down. Also, why do these dudes (it's always dudes) think the jogging/cycling path is really the place to go all out? Ride on the road, ass.

Mile 3. 8:02: Running is stupid. No one should do this. We evolved and invented things like bicycles and cars to avoid having to run. If that stupid Greek messenger had a mountain bike at his disposal, do you really think he would have run 26 miles to Marathon? I doubt it. Fuck this shit.


Mile 4. 7:59: That mile went pretty quickly. I need to remember that the Red Hook Brewery is out here. The Colleague and I really should go there more often. MMMM nachos and ESB...(insert Homer Simpson drool here).

Mile 5. 7:49: The smartest thing I did for my running was to sign up for the Vancouver 'Thon immediately after killing myself in Portland. If Cap'n Ron called me today and said he was thinking about not doing Vancouver, I'd totally quit and get fat instead. I mean, two of my least favorite drones at the Learnin' Factory keep expanding exponentially, I would just be showing my support for their obesity. Yikes. Just thinking about the number of fat people I work with made me speed up to burn a few more calories. Still, those nachos sound GOOOOOOD right now.

Mile 6. 7:52: The turn around. Dear Colleague, next time I say I'm doing an out and back route, remind me that every time I do this I feel like I would rather kill myself than run back to where I started. Loops and one-way runs. Period.

Mile 7. 7:44: Barack and Billary were in Seattle today, and the first headline I saw this morning was "Obama Visit Will Snarl Traffic". Seriously? This is our biggest concern when the first viable black presidential candidate comes to town? Let's not worry about his politics or his campaign. How fast we can get from our miserable jobs, into our luxury SUV, to the home life we hate even more than our jobs? That drive home as the sole occupant of your SUV is probably the nicest moment of your day: alone, your favorite pop music playing, your cell phone glued to your ear talking to your buddy about how much you hate your wife for “making” you fix the garage doors this weekend. Why are you in such a damn hurry to end the trip home? Shouldn't you want traffic to get worse? I also decided something during this mile: Elect Barack Obama. Billary is a problem. McCain is a nutjob. Obama. There. I said it. Now we just need to get Billary to concede before they end up beating each other to death while McCain sits at home and takes his Memory Tonic and tries to hide his rapidly progressing dementia.

Mile 8. 7:52: I'm running too fast. Again. But it's cold and windy and nasty out, so I want to get back to the heated seats of the A3 as soon as possible. Speaking of which, for a feature I said at the time I didn't even want, the heated seats are by far my favorite perk of the A3. A warm ass on a cold morning is a small good thing.

Mile 9. 7:48: Uh oh. I haven't eaten well today. My stomach would hurt if my brain was still working well enough to tell it to hurt. I'll try some water. SHIT, I lost one of my water bottles somewhere. Grrrr. Maybe I'll have some Gu. Yum. Hey, where are my gloves? SHIT, I lost my gloves somewhere. Oooh, pretty bird. Is that a train horn? Weird. Sure is a nice day out. Dee dee dee. Uh oh. I'm losing my mind.

Mile 10. 7:37: I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. Hey look, my car. That wasn't so bad.

Child Clowns!

Some things are just too good to keep to myself.

The Colleague sent me this while I was supposed to be paying attention in a meeting recently. It will not surprise you that I am no longer on the committee that was holding that particular meeting:




How did I ever get through work without YouTube?

Something New (and a Random List)

SOMETHING NEW
As I write this, I am loading the new Jack Johnson album, "Sleep Through the Static", onto my trusty orange iPod Shuffle so I can listen to it on today's planned tempo run (which is actually yesterday's planned tempo run postponed due to lameness). Early report on "Sleep Through the Static": a little less "surf tune" than Jack's last two albums, and definitely less cutesy than the music off the "Curious George" soundtrack. Duh.

I am also loading this year's runs into a newly discovered online running log called RunningAHEAD. Note the run statistics being pushed through to this page underneath the links. Cool, huh? Those totals look pretty sad though....

Let's see, what else...A RANDOM LIST

• My fave running kicks have found their way to Sierra Trading Post, which is great because they are half their normal price. HOWEVER, this means the model is doomed. It is being closed out. It is being left behind. So I am stuck with the decision: do I suck it up and stockpile new pairs of the same shoe? Or do I just assume that I will find another shoe that I like as much?
• It's a long way off yet, but Cap'n Ron and I found a way (with considerable help and encouragement from The Colleague) to keep our annual Joshua Tree trip on the calendar. This year we're taking the motorcycles all the way down and back for a little adventure to go with our adventure.
• Would it really be so hard for Hillary and Barack to get together and decide to run as a ticket this year then switch for 2012? Come on. This election "process" is such a joke.
  
• I've always thought this, but watching a Sundance Channel documentary on Wilco has me newly convinced that they are the country's smartest band. I just loaded "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" onto the shuffle too.
• The oldest daughter of The Colleague got braces today. Not sure what else to say about that. Though I do remember being excited to get braces when I was 14. Weird.

• David Shields' new book, The Thing About Life is that One Day You'll be Dead hits the streets today. The Colleague and I read an advance copy a couple of weeks ago...worth reading for sure. Check it out.
• It's been technically true for a while, but I have confirmation that Uncle Dan is indeed back in Seattle. Seems Denver wasn't his style. I'm sticking some Maker's Mark and Diet Coke for ya brother. Come on by The Palace anytime. And bring the junior linebacker with you.
• Here I am typing away when an email comes in from a college friend. It turns out one of our fraternity brothers from way back then is the subject of one of Oprah's home makeover situations. Weird.
• I'm not fucking Matt Damon. But Sarah Silverman is.
• Remember when you realized why mother-in-law jokes exsited? Well, I'm truly learning why ex-wife jokes exist.
• I can tell it's winter training time because most of my workouts consist of looking at my shoes or the bike, anticipating the pending torture, walking to the fridge and opening a Red Hook. If I don't participate, this micro brew craze might not catch on.

That's all I know. I should be working.