Wednesday, September 20, 2006

This is Why Football is so Stupid

OU coach Stoops still hot over bad cal

Oklahoma's head coach Bob Stoops argues with a referee following Oregon's onside kick in the fourth quarter of their college football game Saturday, Sept. 16, 2006. Oregon defeated Oklahoma, 34-33. Stoops said Sunday, Sept. 17 he was "incredibly disappointed" after reviewing videotapes of a disputed onside kick and pass- interference penalty from the Sooners' last-minute loss to Oregon.
EUGENE, Ore. — There are no bad feelings between Oregon's Mike Bellotti and Oklahoma's Bob Stoops. Both are having difficulty with last Saturday's blown call.

Bellotti because it taints the Ducks' victory, and Stoops because, well, the Sooners got robbed.

Dear Bob Stoops:

Shut the hell up. Seriously. Yes, your team got jobbed in Eugene. Everyone does. This is why everyone outside of Eugene (and Portland, where Oregon alumns ALL seem to end up) HATES Oregon. Oregon is the school, remember, that was caught piping fake crowd noise into its stadium during rivalry games against the Huskies in the 1990s.

But seriously. You've been whining about this since Saturday night. The officials blew the call. Yes. But your team still had a chance to win and they didn't. Your team had a huge lead and gave it up. Your team gave up 2 touchdowns in 44 seconds. I'll grant you that Oregon should never had a shot at the second one, but your team could have stopped them and you would have won. It's not always someone else's fault. The truth is, the Sooners are not an elite team this year. And they weren't last year either. And this loss is not what was going to keep you out of the BCS title game.

You, Bob Stoops, get an official "Shut the Fuck Up" from me.

Dear Oregon:

No one likes you. You aren't an elite program. You aren't a national powerhouse. You have a lot of money and you bling it around with your uniforms and your stadium renovations. You can't recruit players based on your program so you recruit them with LCD monitors and Playstation. Your players are dirty, your fans are some of the most disrespectful and rude in the country (I'd rather see a game in Nebraska, where the fans actually understand the game and respect other teams) than in Eugene. Hell, I'd rather go to Pullman to see a game, and that's saying a lot since my UW Alumni Contract specifically disallows such travel). The national football world thinks that you have to cheat to win. And you didn't win that game. Sorry. If by some fluke you go undefeated this season you will not deserve a nod for the national title game.

Oh, and I didn't like you before anyway, but remember that billboard your school paid to put up in Manhattan pushing your mediocre quarterback for Heisman consideration? Lame. If your dude isn't good enough to get noticed on the field, HE DOESN'T DESERVE THE HEISMAN. Dumb asses.

You, Oregon Football, get an official "Get Bent" from me.

Now can we please move on to something more interesting?

Oh. Here's one. The NFL has prematurely warned the Seattle Seahawks that they will be penalized if the crowd noise in the stadium gets too loud this Sunday against the NY Giants. What? Do we really have a sport that is so ridiculous that the league needs to create rules to govern fan behavior and volume? Try that at a Premier League soccer match. Try that at an All Blacks Rugby match. Can't play with noise? Take up golf.

Football is stupid. That said, I will be watching the UW-UCLA game this Saturday AND the Seahawks-Giants game on Sunday. Come on over. Wait. I'm homeless. Never mind.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Somewhere on Long Island, Al is Getting Loaded

NEW YORK (AP) -- They soaked themselves in wine and beer, then ran out of their clubhouse to go back on the field, jump up and down some more and share the glee with their fans.

Ending nearly two decades of disappointment in their division and days of delay, the New York Mets brought the NL East title back to Shea Stadium for the first time since 1988 with a 4-0 victory over the Florida Marlins on Monday night.

Ok Al. It happened. Now can we start to wager on which AL team will stomp the Mets in the World Series? Or should be discuss the degree to which the Dodgers or Padres will kick the Mets right out of the NLCS?

Saturday, September 16, 2006

The 100th - Part One

According to the little stats that come with this blog, this is my 100th post to SailRunClimbRide. Huh. Seems like I could be doing better things with my time. Fuck it.

In celebration, here is a massively long, unedited, random post. Surely all of you faithful readers can find something here to respond to or clip and post on your office door.

1. Total Immersion. Al B tells me that the secret to my shitty swimming is Total Immersion. So like a dutiful consumer, I went directly to Amazon and purchased the book. I'm a cynic, mind you, and I was pretty sure this was going to be something like a fad diet. Turns out it works. You want to swim? Think like a fish. Or a naval architect. I'm up to training in sets of 500 yards and really digging the pool.
2. Marathon. RPD is apparently going to bash his way through the Portland Marathon. His first. Go get 'em. Based on RPD's most recent run totals (20 miles in 3:05.49 or a 9:17 pace) I'm not concerned about his prospects.
3. Half-Marathon. I am planning on running the Seattle Half Marathon in November. For this to come true I'll have to actually run.
4. The saddest song on my iPod right now? "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt. I dare you to listen to it late at night after a glass of wine and not cry. Even you, Al.
5. The coolest song on my iPod right now? "I'd Like To" by Corinne Bailey Rae.
6. Does anyone else stare in disbelief at the cars that still have "W" stickers on them? I want to pull these people over and ask them what world they are watching.
7. Football is a really stupid game. This doesn't stop me from watching, mind you. Early reports: Math Dude's OSU Beavers go out in Week One and beat the high flying Eastern Eagles 56 to 17 and then go to Boise State and lose 42 to 14 AND get run all over on the blue turf for 240 yards and 5 touchdowns by a walk on. Ouch. GVB's UW Huskies go out and barely beat San Jose State in Seattle, then go to Oklahoma and actually play well for 3 quarters, only to get pounded on the scoreboard. They suck. Al B's J-E-T-S suck. And the Seahawks? Well. Who really cares? Football newbies need someone to root for? Try this: Anyone playing against the WSU Cougars.
8. My golf season is officially over now that some punk kids broke into my mom's house and stole my golf clubs. I liked those clubs, too. Also lost in the "transaction": brand new golf shoes, gore-tex rain suit, my favorite yellow hat, and a pair of really nasty socks that I just now realize were stuffed into my shoes. Take that you petty thieves!
9. My friend Jim Caple really deserves a front page column at ESPN.
10. Classes begin on September 18th. Allow me to take this opportunity to apologize in advance to my students for whatever inattention or shoddy teaching they receive from me.
11. Race season is upon us. The 'Lion will be bashing her way through the fleet starting September 17th. Rumor is that Admiral Krumm might be joining the crew?! Thank god. A mitigating force to balance out Skipper Krumm's lunacy.
12. Just give me an excuse to open this bottle of Lagavulin 16 I have on my desk. Go on. I dare you.
13. "Family Guy" opened its new season with a 22 minute running joke about prostate exams and anal rape. How can that NOT be funny?!
14. I have downloaded over 1,000 songs from iTunes since it came online. Do the math.
15. Speaking of math...How cool will it be if Math Dude and I can actually pull off the coordinated studies class on the theme of "Vegas?" Pretty cool. Field trip! Research!
16. A few nights ago I was jonesing around the in-law house in search of a late-night snack and a beer. I found a Blackhook Porter in the back of the fridge from 1999. No lie. Now all of you can share in the pain of living here while Casa GVB is completed.
17. Casa GVB is almost complete. Kick ass. Inspection and walk-through are this week.
18. Will someone please do the research and tell me how far I can get with 256,978 United Frequent Flyer miles? Former Student seems like a good candidate for this job, but I think she died of exposure at Burning Man.
19. Is it too late to make fun of the Crocodile Hunter's death? Ok. Here's Norm MacDonald on The Daily Show doing it for me.
20. Mileage Update: A3 4,786. Fuji 893. The 'Hood (summer totals) 620 (nautical, not statute). Cap'n Ron's motorcycle: 3,000 and change. Some of those are Canadian miles, though, so they don't count.
21. Canadian Chicks Still Rule. Right Cap'n?
22. Bar Tab Update: Cap'n Ron, myself, and The Colleague somehow drank all night, ate dinner, and still only received a 21 dollar tab. I think Carrie the Waitress is in love with The Colleague.
23. The climbing gym as been sold to a large company that runs several gyms. Fine. Whatever. But they took away our couches! How can I work out without a couch to nap on?! And where will Andy's Mom sit her pretty little self while we climb? So sad.
24. There is no good reason to ever, ever, ever, go to a circus. Trust me. I just got back from one. Dentistry is more fun, and Soap Operas are more entertaining.
25. What is the best hangover lunch? My vote is Kraft Macaroni and Cheese with tunafish mixed in. And a cold Coke with ice. There is no other time when that would be palatable. Nor is there any other time I would drink a Coke.
26. Seriously, have any of you read The Looming Tower yet? Read it and then listen to a couple of Bush's lame ass terrorism speeches.
27. The Oldest GVB child started kindergarten this week. GVB only cried a little.
28. Last month I sent 1,294 txt messages and received 1,302. Seriously, I need to stay in touch more. Thank god for the IN Network. Unlimited txt, baby.
29. Here's a combination of good things, in no particular order: Hendricks Martinis, Dungeness Crab Cakes, Karryn Allison, Jazz Alley. Ok. They were in order.
30. I know Labor Day is the cutoff for white shoes and pants for women, but where is the cutoff for these flip flops I've been wearing all summer?
31. Last week I officially became the first man in Stanwood, Washington history to have a Mani-Pedi. It's important that my new neighbors and my wife's colleagues question my sexuality from the start.
32. Any of you parents out there seen "Lazy Town?" Is this the worst kid's show ever? Might be.
33. Just for kicks I went to the track the other day to see how fast I could run a mile. Not fast.
34. All you assholes wearing those Bluetooth headsets all the time - even when you aren't talking on the phone - need to be shot. They look ridiculous, and no one is impressed with your $38 technology purchase.
35. Pure Fun: Watching a woman practically give oral sex to a Pacifico bottle in a bar and then getting caught mocking her to everyone at my table. Pure. Fun.
36. Pay Attention: Ok. I know people are stupid as a general rule, but if we would just pay a little attention I'd me happier. I heard someone saying that they found "cheap" gas in Seattle. $2.89 a gallon. The only reason this seems cheap to you is because the oil companies jacked prices over $3.00 long enough so that seeing "2" as the first digit makes you think prices are low. Remember when "1" was the reference point?
37. Pay Attention More: Iraq isn't going well. Duh. Anyone notice the sudden re-focus on Afghanistan? How distractable are we? Oh look, a kitty...
38. NASCAR is stupid. I'll tell anyone. And anyone in Washington who really believes that building a NASCAR track in the middle of nowhere will do anything but cost taxpayer dollars is in need of a math lesson. Kudos to the group promoting the track's construction though for their perserverance. They've tried every county in the state with a large redneck population and still can't find a government entity to agree to fund their big concrete oval. Duh.
39. Congratulations to the City of Seattle for banning fortified wine and malt liquor in and around Pioneer Square. Racial profiling much?
40. Johnny Depp. There. I said it.
41. It seems reasonable to me that I could sneak an XBOX 360 into the new home furnishing purchases, right? Madden '07 anyone?
42. More football. Notre Dame needs to go away.
43. Improbable Parenting Phrase of the Week: "No, honey, you can't listen to 50 Cent."
44. Go outside to your car right now and take off those magnetic "ribbons" meant to commemorate something related to 9/11. And while you're out there, take them off your neighbors' cars too.
45. If you could live and teach at any university in the country, which one and why? Before you answer, think about Texas for a minute.
46. When should I start being concerned that my son likes to wear his sister's underwear?
47. Even more football: I like the new trend of keeping players' names off of their jerseys.
48. Sportscasters should be banned from using the the word "ironic". And baseball commentators should never be allowed to say "crafty lefthander".
49. RPD just sent me this article. Typical shit.
50. Dear Sports Fans: Chanting "Bullshit" at a referee's bad call is stupid.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

The 'Hood is Back

While the family was away for Labor Day Weekend (I hardly labored at all, just two medium length runs, but on one of them I managed to hold a 6:53 pace for 3 miles), the 'Hood was unceremoniously delivered back to her slip by the boys from Marine Service Center.

I arrived onboard today to take her south for my annual "I Can't Quite Give In to the Start of School" cruise to Edmonds.

Good news all around. The new electrical work is superb (new batteries and charger with an inverter to run all my electronic toys), the dripless shaft seal actualy works, and the new MaxProp? Kick ass. This thing has WAY more torque than the old prop and it gives me a better cruising speed. I made the 14 mile trip to Edmonds in 2 hours. Granted, some of that was a helping current, but even in slack water I motored at almost 6 knots. It isn't much better than the 5.5 knots we used to averaged with the old prop, but over the course of a long trip, that really adds up.

What I can't get used to yet is the new sound the engine makes after the old broken engine mounts were replaced. Nor can I get used to the sound the new prop makes when it slams into gear. Oh well.

I'm here in Edmonds. Come on by K Dock for the last of the cold IPA. It's going fast.