The 100th - Part One

According to the little stats that come with this blog, this is my 100th post to SailRunClimbRide. Huh. Seems like I could be doing better things with my time. Fuck it.

In celebration, here is a massively long, unedited, random post. Surely all of you faithful readers can find something here to respond to or clip and post on your office door.

1. Total Immersion. Al B tells me that the secret to my shitty swimming is Total Immersion. So like a dutiful consumer, I went directly to Amazon and purchased the book. I'm a cynic, mind you, and I was pretty sure this was going to be something like a fad diet. Turns out it works. You want to swim? Think like a fish. Or a naval architect. I'm up to training in sets of 500 yards and really digging the pool.
2. Marathon. RPD is apparently going to bash his way through the Portland Marathon. His first. Go get 'em. Based on RPD's most recent run totals (20 miles in 3:05.49 or a 9:17 pace) I'm not concerned about his prospects.
3. Half-Marathon. I am planning on running the Seattle Half Marathon in November. For this to come true I'll have to actually run.
4. The saddest song on my iPod right now? "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt. I dare you to listen to it late at night after a glass of wine and not cry. Even you, Al.
5. The coolest song on my iPod right now? "I'd Like To" by Corinne Bailey Rae.
6. Does anyone else stare in disbelief at the cars that still have "W" stickers on them? I want to pull these people over and ask them what world they are watching.
7. Football is a really stupid game. This doesn't stop me from watching, mind you. Early reports: Math Dude's OSU Beavers go out in Week One and beat the high flying Eastern Eagles 56 to 17 and then go to Boise State and lose 42 to 14 AND get run all over on the blue turf for 240 yards and 5 touchdowns by a walk on. Ouch. GVB's UW Huskies go out and barely beat San Jose State in Seattle, then go to Oklahoma and actually play well for 3 quarters, only to get pounded on the scoreboard. They suck. Al B's J-E-T-S suck. And the Seahawks? Well. Who really cares? Football newbies need someone to root for? Try this: Anyone playing against the WSU Cougars.
8. My golf season is officially over now that some punk kids broke into my mom's house and stole my golf clubs. I liked those clubs, too. Also lost in the "transaction": brand new golf shoes, gore-tex rain suit, my favorite yellow hat, and a pair of really nasty socks that I just now realize were stuffed into my shoes. Take that you petty thieves!
9. My friend Jim Caple really deserves a front page column at ESPN.
10. Classes begin on September 18th. Allow me to take this opportunity to apologize in advance to my students for whatever inattention or shoddy teaching they receive from me.
11. Race season is upon us. The 'Lion will be bashing her way through the fleet starting September 17th. Rumor is that Admiral Krumm might be joining the crew?! Thank god. A mitigating force to balance out Skipper Krumm's lunacy.
12. Just give me an excuse to open this bottle of Lagavulin 16 I have on my desk. Go on. I dare you.
13. "Family Guy" opened its new season with a 22 minute running joke about prostate exams and anal rape. How can that NOT be funny?!
14. I have downloaded over 1,000 songs from iTunes since it came online. Do the math.
15. Speaking of math...How cool will it be if Math Dude and I can actually pull off the coordinated studies class on the theme of "Vegas?" Pretty cool. Field trip! Research!
16. A few nights ago I was jonesing around the in-law house in search of a late-night snack and a beer. I found a Blackhook Porter in the back of the fridge from 1999. No lie. Now all of you can share in the pain of living here while Casa GVB is completed.
17. Casa GVB is almost complete. Kick ass. Inspection and walk-through are this week.
18. Will someone please do the research and tell me how far I can get with 256,978 United Frequent Flyer miles? Former Student seems like a good candidate for this job, but I think she died of exposure at Burning Man.
19. Is it too late to make fun of the Crocodile Hunter's death? Ok. Here's Norm MacDonald on The Daily Show doing it for me.
20. Mileage Update: A3 4,786. Fuji 893. The 'Hood (summer totals) 620 (nautical, not statute). Cap'n Ron's motorcycle: 3,000 and change. Some of those are Canadian miles, though, so they don't count.
21. Canadian Chicks Still Rule. Right Cap'n?
22. Bar Tab Update: Cap'n Ron, myself, and The Colleague somehow drank all night, ate dinner, and still only received a 21 dollar tab. I think Carrie the Waitress is in love with The Colleague.
23. The climbing gym as been sold to a large company that runs several gyms. Fine. Whatever. But they took away our couches! How can I work out without a couch to nap on?! And where will Andy's Mom sit her pretty little self while we climb? So sad.
24. There is no good reason to ever, ever, ever, go to a circus. Trust me. I just got back from one. Dentistry is more fun, and Soap Operas are more entertaining.
25. What is the best hangover lunch? My vote is Kraft Macaroni and Cheese with tunafish mixed in. And a cold Coke with ice. There is no other time when that would be palatable. Nor is there any other time I would drink a Coke.
26. Seriously, have any of you read The Looming Tower yet? Read it and then listen to a couple of Bush's lame ass terrorism speeches.
27. The Oldest GVB child started kindergarten this week. GVB only cried a little.
28. Last month I sent 1,294 txt messages and received 1,302. Seriously, I need to stay in touch more. Thank god for the IN Network. Unlimited txt, baby.
29. Here's a combination of good things, in no particular order: Hendricks Martinis, Dungeness Crab Cakes, Karryn Allison, Jazz Alley. Ok. They were in order.
30. I know Labor Day is the cutoff for white shoes and pants for women, but where is the cutoff for these flip flops I've been wearing all summer?
31. Last week I officially became the first man in Stanwood, Washington history to have a Mani-Pedi. It's important that my new neighbors and my wife's colleagues question my sexuality from the start.
32. Any of you parents out there seen "Lazy Town?" Is this the worst kid's show ever? Might be.
33. Just for kicks I went to the track the other day to see how fast I could run a mile. Not fast.
34. All you assholes wearing those Bluetooth headsets all the time - even when you aren't talking on the phone - need to be shot. They look ridiculous, and no one is impressed with your $38 technology purchase.
35. Pure Fun: Watching a woman practically give oral sex to a Pacifico bottle in a bar and then getting caught mocking her to everyone at my table. Pure. Fun.
36. Pay Attention: Ok. I know people are stupid as a general rule, but if we would just pay a little attention I'd me happier. I heard someone saying that they found "cheap" gas in Seattle. $2.89 a gallon. The only reason this seems cheap to you is because the oil companies jacked prices over $3.00 long enough so that seeing "2" as the first digit makes you think prices are low. Remember when "1" was the reference point?
37. Pay Attention More: Iraq isn't going well. Duh. Anyone notice the sudden re-focus on Afghanistan? How distractable are we? Oh look, a kitty...
38. NASCAR is stupid. I'll tell anyone. And anyone in Washington who really believes that building a NASCAR track in the middle of nowhere will do anything but cost taxpayer dollars is in need of a math lesson. Kudos to the group promoting the track's construction though for their perserverance. They've tried every county in the state with a large redneck population and still can't find a government entity to agree to fund their big concrete oval. Duh.
39. Congratulations to the City of Seattle for banning fortified wine and malt liquor in and around Pioneer Square. Racial profiling much?
40. Johnny Depp. There. I said it.
41. It seems reasonable to me that I could sneak an XBOX 360 into the new home furnishing purchases, right? Madden '07 anyone?
42. More football. Notre Dame needs to go away.
43. Improbable Parenting Phrase of the Week: "No, honey, you can't listen to 50 Cent."
44. Go outside to your car right now and take off those magnetic "ribbons" meant to commemorate something related to 9/11. And while you're out there, take them off your neighbors' cars too.
45. If you could live and teach at any university in the country, which one and why? Before you answer, think about Texas for a minute.
46. When should I start being concerned that my son likes to wear his sister's underwear?
47. Even more football: I like the new trend of keeping players' names off of their jerseys.
48. Sportscasters should be banned from using the the word "ironic". And baseball commentators should never be allowed to say "crafty lefthander".
49. RPD just sent me this article. Typical shit.
50. Dear Sports Fans: Chanting "Bullshit" at a referee's bad call is stupid.