Actually, to be fair, this is more Cap'n Ron's neighborhood than mine. I haven't sampled the Tragedy Circus at the track in the new hood yet...
So, with apologies to RPD's recent post, here is a look at the cast of Track Night at Mega High School.
1. Short Girl Driving Slow in the Fast Lane. Put her in a Honda Civic and put a cell phone to this girl's ear to make her a little more oblivious to her surroundings and she'd be a perfect stereotype. You might be running fast for YOU, but that doesn't mean you need the inside lane. I love having to pass you on the right twice in one lap. Try the center lane.
2. Mom Says I Can do Whatever I Want! Mom is yapping on the cell phone, blindly pushing a stroller with a toddler in it back and forth across the trach, while older son and three of his hoodlum friends play with a frisbee they stole from a different set of less assertive kids across the way. Fun Game #1: jump in front of oncoming traffic. Fun Game #2: Jog alongside runners mocking their strides. Fun Game #3: Wildly throw the frisbee around so you stupidly run in front of people who are training. GVB thinks, "Get the fuck off the track you punks!" GVB says, "Hey guys, can you play on the grass and not the track please?" I'm so fucking nice. Pricks.
3. Youth Football Coach. To be fair, this guy wasn't on the track, but running football practice for 14 year old boys inside the oval. After watching his one star athlete run Toss Strong Left 50 times, during which said star athlete repeatedly bowled over Smallest Kid on The Field, I was starting to feel bad for Smallest Kid on The Field. Once I heard YFC openly mock SKOF for being, well, 14, I lost any respect I might have had for this fat wannabe football legend who, to be fair, is volunteering his time. Of course, what else is he going to do after he gets off work at the Home Depot. Prick. Repressed childhood issues, much?
4. Football Dad Sitting on the Track. I mean ON the track. Acres of grass sideline, a sidewalk near the fence, the hood of his Buick Regal...he could have sat his fat ass down in any number of locations. Nope. He took his $7.00 KMart lawn chair and set it up in the two center lanes of the track. Dead center. Cap'n Ron and I debated the mental disability that causes one to act this way. I said arrogance. Cap'n said oblivion. Perhaps the arrogance causes the oblivion. But even when I practically hurdled the prick, he didn't see that he might be in someone else's way.
4a. Football Dad Sitting on the Track Followup: After a half hour or so, FDSOT got up and walked over to talk with Other Football Dad about god knows what and LEFT HIS GOD DAMN CHAIR SITTING ON THE TRACK.
Ahh the track. It's almost as tragic as the Burke Gilman Trail. Almost.
3 comments:
Pretty funny.
I read this out to my coach and he said that he had seen every one of these episodes and more on the track.
Please tell me that that picture of the YFC is not the real YFC in this episode. If so, "The Fridge" is back.
I am shuddering for you. At least down here at GL when you shout "Track!" the runners generally know what you mean.
Yo G, why ya gotta beat on the $7 K-mart chair? This is a piece of Americana. I mean, think what it has offered to world culture. You can now go to the French Riv and see Lindsay Lohan walking topless to the water with a glen plain pattern on her ass.
Correction: that should read "glen plaid."
Post a Comment