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And anything in between.
New Bike Review
7 years ago
Friday, June 20, 2008
Monday, June 02, 2008
Man Down!
Well this ain't good...Seems our beloved Cap'n Ron took a digger somewhere near Tonasket on the big GS. Of course our first concern is the bike, but apparently it is ride-able and suffered only cosmetic damage (a LOT of cosmetic damage, but still).
We haven't spoken with or seen the Cap'n yet, but early reports are of a broken tibia and some compression fractures of 2 vertebrae. Yes, that counts as a broken back.
We at SailRunClimbRide are worried about Cap'n Ron and hope to be able to join him for therapeutic alcohol ingestion soon. Speedy recoveries. And for those of you on two-wheels, watch for wet, oily patches of pavement. As the Cap'n has learned, guard rails hurt.
See you soon, Cap'n.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Random Things
...I have essays to grade...
...I don’t need a theme or a structure or even a cohesive idea. Right? I can just write some things down and upload some pictures and that makes it a blog post. Right?...
…Cap’ Ron mentioned some time ago that Anthony Bourdain was his new hero. I was more of a Les Stroud fan, but I’m leaning Bourdain’s way. This is why Jesus invented DVR technology. I’m pretty sure he is the guy that any of our significant others would leave us for, gentlemen…
…while I’m sort of on the subject of reality television I might as well cop to watching 4 straight hours of The Deadliest Catch the other night while The Colleague was out of town. Sure I could have been productive in my sleeplessness, but isn’t it better to watch someone burn through their own fingernail with a hot needle to relieve the bloody pressure building up behind it? Gross. Also, I don’t care how staged the fishing and filming is for that show, it would be a brutal, scary job. No thanks…
...this is pretty much how I spent Memorial Day weekend:
…The Learnin’ Factory is bound to be on the news soon. Someone is angry about no longer working for this fine institution of higher learning, and I have a feeling said someone is going to keep making a massive scene about it…
…My father doesn’t know a damn thing about boats, how they work, or how to sail them. Nor does his neighbor the McMillionaire. So they are of course the perfect candidates to buy a 1935 48’Atkins Cutter that needs to be completely refit and rebuilt. Great plan. It will either cost three times as much as they plan or take three times as long to get it finished and launched. Maybe both. The real wager is how much of the work GVB will be coerced into doing…
…congrats to Al B on the first tri of the year. Nothing like swimming in Long Island Sound in May. Al’s extremities will be back to normal temp any day now…
…and there’s this dickhead…
…Here is a picture of the student population of one of my Research Writing classes:
Now I know why their work is so stellar and why they are never in class…can you pick out the ones who will never play a single inning of professional baseball? If you said every guy making a hand gesture AND/OR flexing his arms, you’re right! Seriously, everyone in the front row is in my class. All of the future ex-ball players with eyeblack on were in my class in the winter. Sigh…
…but seriously, congratulations to our college baseball team on winning the championship. Enjoy your three year minor league careers followed by a crippling day-to-day job roofing houses outside of Mesa, Arizona…
…how much do the Mariners suck? Did someone from Oklahoma City buy them too and not tell us?...
…I couldn’t make this one up: “On July 3rd, 2007, Amy Stewart purchased a vanilla latte at a Starbucks drive-thru in Kent. When she put it to her lips to drink, the top popped off, spilling the coffee down her front and burning her. She filed suit against the coffee giant in King County Superior Court on April 25th, 2008. Her husband joined the case, suing for “loss of consortium” – legalese for sex and other spousal-specific activities.” Does he have to prove that his sex life was good enough that the loss of that sex life was damaging to him? Can’t wait to see how this one plays out…
…you are all free to join the GVB-Colleague boycott of Starbucks, by the way. Not because of loss of consortium (which I assume only applies to married couples, right? Because no one else should be consorting) but because they keep fucking up our drinks at the drive-thru. Lattes mysteriously get flavor added to them, cappuccinos taste like lattes, and drip coffee is scorched beyond its natural life. Add to that the insult of the “upsale” (would you like more something expensive and fattening with that?) and we have a good reason to drive on by. Still, the convenience of our local drive-thru kept us going back. And then last week I ordered two drinks. Total $6.47. Bubbly Upsale Barista happily smiled and handed me $13.00 in change. “So, is it policy now to keep the change?” “Oh, you wanted the small change too? Let me get my manager to open the register for me.” Seriously? I know it isn’t much in the grand scheme of things, but you owe me $13.53 you bitch. Give me my money!
… The University of Colorado is considering a $9 million program to bring high-profile conservatives to teach on the left-leaning Boulder campus…
...it need to be summer now. That is all…
...I don’t need a theme or a structure or even a cohesive idea. Right? I can just write some things down and upload some pictures and that makes it a blog post. Right?...
…Cap’ Ron mentioned some time ago that Anthony Bourdain was his new hero. I was more of a Les Stroud fan, but I’m leaning Bourdain’s way. This is why Jesus invented DVR technology. I’m pretty sure he is the guy that any of our significant others would leave us for, gentlemen…
…while I’m sort of on the subject of reality television I might as well cop to watching 4 straight hours of The Deadliest Catch the other night while The Colleague was out of town. Sure I could have been productive in my sleeplessness, but isn’t it better to watch someone burn through their own fingernail with a hot needle to relieve the bloody pressure building up behind it? Gross. Also, I don’t care how staged the fishing and filming is for that show, it would be a brutal, scary job. No thanks…
...this is pretty much how I spent Memorial Day weekend:
…The Learnin’ Factory is bound to be on the news soon. Someone is angry about no longer working for this fine institution of higher learning, and I have a feeling said someone is going to keep making a massive scene about it…
…My father doesn’t know a damn thing about boats, how they work, or how to sail them. Nor does his neighbor the McMillionaire. So they are of course the perfect candidates to buy a 1935 48’Atkins Cutter that needs to be completely refit and rebuilt. Great plan. It will either cost three times as much as they plan or take three times as long to get it finished and launched. Maybe both. The real wager is how much of the work GVB will be coerced into doing…
…congrats to Al B on the first tri of the year. Nothing like swimming in Long Island Sound in May. Al’s extremities will be back to normal temp any day now…
…and there’s this dickhead…
…Here is a picture of the student population of one of my Research Writing classes:
Now I know why their work is so stellar and why they are never in class…can you pick out the ones who will never play a single inning of professional baseball? If you said every guy making a hand gesture AND/OR flexing his arms, you’re right! Seriously, everyone in the front row is in my class. All of the future ex-ball players with eyeblack on were in my class in the winter. Sigh…
…but seriously, congratulations to our college baseball team on winning the championship. Enjoy your three year minor league careers followed by a crippling day-to-day job roofing houses outside of Mesa, Arizona…
…how much do the Mariners suck? Did someone from Oklahoma City buy them too and not tell us?...
…I couldn’t make this one up: “On July 3rd, 2007, Amy Stewart purchased a vanilla latte at a Starbucks drive-thru in Kent. When she put it to her lips to drink, the top popped off, spilling the coffee down her front and burning her. She filed suit against the coffee giant in King County Superior Court on April 25th, 2008. Her husband joined the case, suing for “loss of consortium” – legalese for sex and other spousal-specific activities.” Does he have to prove that his sex life was good enough that the loss of that sex life was damaging to him? Can’t wait to see how this one plays out…
…you are all free to join the GVB-Colleague boycott of Starbucks, by the way. Not because of loss of consortium (which I assume only applies to married couples, right? Because no one else should be consorting) but because they keep fucking up our drinks at the drive-thru. Lattes mysteriously get flavor added to them, cappuccinos taste like lattes, and drip coffee is scorched beyond its natural life. Add to that the insult of the “upsale” (would you like more something expensive and fattening with that?) and we have a good reason to drive on by. Still, the convenience of our local drive-thru kept us going back. And then last week I ordered two drinks. Total $6.47. Bubbly Upsale Barista happily smiled and handed me $13.00 in change. “So, is it policy now to keep the change?” “Oh, you wanted the small change too? Let me get my manager to open the register for me.” Seriously? I know it isn’t much in the grand scheme of things, but you owe me $13.53 you bitch. Give me my money!
… The University of Colorado is considering a $9 million program to bring high-profile conservatives to teach on the left-leaning Boulder campus…
...it need to be summer now. That is all…
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Race Report - Straight Up
The Colleague and I are back from Canada, where I ran the Vancouver Marathon on Sunday. We had a great time in one of our favorite cities, and I had a pretty good race, too!
The blow-by-blow report follows, but for those who only want the punch line, here it is: I ran the 26.2 miles in 3 hours, 34 minutes, 25 seconds. My time was a full 20 minutes faster than my last marathon (Portland last October), and I felt much better about it. Just let me say once again: 26.2 miles is farther than anyone should really ever run.
The Start: The race starts and finishes outside of BC Place Stadium. Cap’n Ron and I lingered about halfway back in the starting queue so we could chat with Hayden and Mrs Cap’n Ron as long as possible before starting, and so we could keep our jackets on until the last minute. At 7:00 in the morning it’s just too damn cold to be standing around in shorts and a t-shirt. But there was a consequence to this: When they started the race it took us over a minute to shuffle across the line, and the frustration of the crowd would last a while...But we were off. My second marathon. My goal was to finish, to beat my Portland time, and to not injure myself in the process. Anything from 3:20 to 3:40 as a finishing time was perfect with me...
Mile 1 (8:10): Get these people OUT OF MY WAY. The first mile of the course has a lot of turns and narrow streets to navigate, and it doesn’t open up until Mile 2. So I spent the first mile burning way too much energy trying to pick my way through the 9 and 10 minute pace runners who for some reason like to run 3 abreast in the middle of the course. They also like to suddenly and without reason weave and change directions. Not at all frustrating.
Mile 2 (7:38): The course started to open up a little bit here and I picked up. Cap’n Ron smartly stayed at his 8:00 goal pace, and I wouldn’t see him again for a while. This was more like it. I wanted to run 7:30s if possible, at least for the first 18 or so just to see what my Boston Qualifying pace felt like. I need to run a 3:15:59 marathon to qualify for Boston. And while I had no real delusions of qualifying in this race, it is my goal for Portland next October.
Mile 3 (7:25): Right on pace and cruising. This is part of a short out-and-back sequence with a small climb. Just before the mile marker we got to watch the leaders coming the other way (they were running 5 minute miles, and the winner - a Kenyan - finished in 2:15:15). It was great to watch them already battling one another for position and even greater was the load applause and cheering on they received from the rest of us slow people.
Mile 4 (7:23): At mile 4 the course turns back toward downtown and heads downhill. I hit the first water station here and slowed down to make sure I got a good full drink. One of the mistakes I made in Portland was running through every station at full speed. Slowing to a jog allowed me to take in plenty of fluids (and skip a few stations along the way as well).
Mile 5 (7:15): Too fast, but feeling really good. At this point I know I will see The Colleague pretty soon. She and Mrs. Cap’n Ron planned to be at mile 7 up in Chinatown...
Mile 6 (7:20): I grabbed another quick drink here and was still cruising. I was doing math in my head to see if I had caught back up to a 7:30 pace. Not yet. I also noticed a small annoyance that would piss me off later as my brain started to melt down: my GPS was off by about .25 miles from the race markers. And my miles were clicking by faster than the course markers. This meant that my watch would read 26.2 miles well before I was actually finished with the race.
Mile 7: (7:22): This mile takes the course through a part of town that I am not sure I would walk through alone in the daytime. Consider it a complete tour of Vancouver...in addition to Stanley Park, the Planetarium, the waterfront, and the Science Center, we got to see the methadone clinic and the burned out carcasses of several Buicks. And this is where The Colleague and Mrs. Cap’n Ron were hanging out? Yikes. Right before the 7 mile marker there they were! I can’t tell you how great it is to have that support along the course. In this race, knowing that The Colleague would be at miles 7, 11, and 17 gave me something to focus on as the miles added up. She had fuel and water for me, but I was still doing fine and had 2 gels with me for fuel. Hi Colleague!
Miles 8 and 9: (7:25, 7:32): Big climb here and the most boring part of the course. Miles 8 and 9 loop away from town through a fairly dodgy residential district. Unlike the rest of the course, the people on the sidewalks here seemed baffled by what all of these runners were doing, so there was no cheering on or support out here. Somewhere out in this wasteland I where I notice that I am starting to “slap” my feet down in my stride and I have to focus to keep a smoother motion going. This is also where I start talking to myself. At this point it is standard stuff - “come on, smooth strides” or “easy, easy”. Later I start the self abuse...
Mile 10 (7:20): I know I’m running a little fast here, but at this point I have decided to go as fast as I can as long as I can and then suffer through whatever is left. Not exactly a sound or recommended strategy, but I do have a disease that always makes me want to see how far or fast I can go. Even in training runs. By now I am also having serious delusions of a Boston Qualifying time. That doesn’t last long.
Mile 11 (6:52): WAY too fast. Woops. Cruising up Hastings Street I see The Colleague again. She is screaming and yelling and making me very happy. AND she has some Clif Blocks for me to eat. Solid food is great about now, even if it is in gummy form. See you in 7 miles!
Mile 12 (7:10): Here I fall in with a group of 4 friends who are pacing each other and running in a close pack. I short of draft them and zone out, but they are chatting and telling jokes to keep themselves busy, and I just can’t take it, so I let them go ahead of me. We’re just about to Stanley Park which I was looking forward too...
Mile 13 (7:37): Coming up to the halfway point I’m still feeling strong. Stanley Park has a lot of little hills that don’t show up on the elevation chart. Ugh.
Mile 14 (7:42): Past the halfway point now, and the miles remaining start to shrink. From here on out, the marathon is just an exercise in not quitting. This mile turns and climbs a long hill through the park and I see my first real human wreckage – a guy younger than me rolls his ankle on the edge of the pavement and tumbles into the brush. By the time I get up to where he crashed several people are helping him so I keep going. And I start to think that a twisted ankle would be one way to get out of this race more quickly than running another 12 miles...
Mile 15 (7:52): Notice anything? It’s the slow-down portion of the race. Here’s how it went. In mile 15 I was cruising along and still feeling somewhat human. I had a gel here and looked forward to seeing The Colleague at mile 17. I don’t know if my stride got longer or I stepped wrong or what, but my right hamstring gave me that twinge that said, “Hey man, stop running or I’m going to lock up on you!” So starting at this point I am running at whatever pace feels like it is right on the edge of cramping or pulling a muscle. I slow down. Still doing fine, but slower than my muscles and lungs could go. The damn hamstring is my limiting factor now. Grrrr.
Mile 16 (7:44): This last bit through Stanley Park is slightly downhill and really pretty. I zone out...
Mile 17 (8:05): Along Beach Ave now. They use this street for the Sun Run 10k too, and I have to say it is much easier to take when it is mile 2 than when it is mile 17. There is always good crowd here though, and the energy is high. Second human wreckage sighting – a young woman passes out on the grass. Soft landing, anyway. My last Colleague time before the finish is coming up!
Mile 18 (8:11): Climb! This is the start of the biggest climb on the course. Up and over the Burrard Bridge. And there is The Colleague! It is so great to see her at this point and it keeps me going up and over the bridge. The climb isn’t bad this direction (but my hamstring is threatening to revolt on me even more). And, knowing that I have to come back over this bridge on the return just sucks.
Mile 19 (8:13): Mile 19 is a blur. I remember none of it.
Mile 20 (9:42): Blow up! I found the wall, and it is at mile 20. It is still more my hamstring than my endurance or anything else, but I’m not quite ready to push it and run 6 miles with a cramp or a pulled muscle, so I have to throttle back a lot. I have started walking through all of the water stops to rest a little bit and get as much fluid as possible.
Mile 21 (9:03): Mile 21 has a short out-and-back section in it after the turnaround and this is where I see Cap’n Ron for the first time since Mile 1. He is definitely catching me, and I figure that if he is able to stay on pace he will get his Boston Qualifying time. He needs a 3:30:59 to make it. A big high five as we pass each other.
Mile 22 (9:01): I am totally frustrated because I know I could be pushing harder than I am. This part of the course is very hilly and I am tired enough now that the uphills seem steep and the downhills seem flat. Still talking to myself, I start in on the self abuse. Insert your own negative self-talk here. Sprinkle liberally with profanity.
Mile 23 (9:18): I make the mistake of thinking about the upcoming bridge. There’s no way I can climb it. After about 22 miles everything just hurts. The instincts in your brain start to take over and tell you to quite, and when you don’t listen, your body starts shutting things down to save itself. Finding a reason to keep running through this stretch of miles is the whole trick to running a marathon. The urge to quit is amazing. And it is a constant from this point on. Every step feels like it might as well be the last one you run. Just quit. The anti-Nike campaign. Just quit. Screw it. I remember reading about tricks to keep going in the late miles, and one is to count steps and figure out how many make up a mile. I got to 100 before deciding that was the stupidest thing I had ever read. Visualizing the finish helped a little. Not much.
Mile 24 (9:56): Cap’n Ron catches up with me here. We chat a little. Mostly “this sucks” and “I just want this to be over.” I tell him about my hamstring and basically complain a lot. We’re quite a motivating pair.
Mile 25 (10:21): Yep. You read that pace correctly. I walked 100 yards of the bridge to settle myself down and get the energy for the finishing push. After 25 miles it is amazing how impossible the last 1.2 miles seems. There is no WAY I can do this. I have to stop. Right? Wait...am I going downhill now? Awesome. Cap’n Ron is in front of me now as I come off the Burrard Bridge for the second time. I hate that damn bridge. As predicted, my GPS told me I was done here. 26.23 miles. I love technology.
Mile 26 (8:35): The finishing push. I run past the last water station and past Cap’n Ron. Telling myself I can suffer through anything for 8 minutes, I just run for it. Finishing a marathon is an unbelievable experience, and when the crowd is as good as it is at Vancouver, it is even better. I watch as someone loses their legs and wobbles to a slow motion crash in front of me. I see a cameraman snap my photo and hear him urge me on. And I see The Colleague screaming on the side. (Wait, is that guy hitting on her? I think I just saw him ask her for her phone number). A guy I had been running near for the last 5 miles or so is there and struggling and when I catch him I urge him on and we sprint to the finish. DONE! 3 hours, 34 minutes, 25 seconds. I’m not supposed to, but I linger in the finish chute waiting for Cap’n Ron, who comes in right behind me at 3:36 and change. Great run! Hugs and tears and hollering follow. Then it is into BC Place to get some food and meet up with The Colleague and Mrs. Cap’n Ron. Unlike in Portland, they actually wait until you finish to give you a finisher’s shirt. I’ll wear this one happily!
After cleaning up and getting a little rest, we hit the pub for several celebratory Canadian beers. I think I ate 3 dinners Sunday night, but I can’t be sure. I know The Colleague and I ended the evening with sushi somewhere on Robson Street. Yum!
Overall it was a great race. For my second attempt at this distance I feel like it went pretty well, and I’m definitely excited about Portland in October. If I can keep shaving time with each race, I might actually qualify for Boston someday.
It would have been nice to not have to slow down so much in the last few miles, but I was able to run full speed through the finish and I felt good about the whole race. Yes, I went out too fast in the first half, but I went in knowing I might try it just to see what happened. What happened is my hamstring decided to be my limiting factor. I have never had a hamstring problem in my life, so it was a weird thing to have happen to me, but at least I recognized it and didn’t push until it actually exploded.
I am resting this week and will start running lightly again in 10 days or so. Then it’s back to the training routine. I’d like to find a mid-summer race in the 10k or half marathon range to keep me interested, but we’ll see how that goes. A new training plan is in the wings and will include more strength training (speed work and hills) and flexibility work (yoga). Training over the summer is hard because of our travel plans, but I can usually piece together a good schedule.
The blow-by-blow report follows, but for those who only want the punch line, here it is: I ran the 26.2 miles in 3 hours, 34 minutes, 25 seconds. My time was a full 20 minutes faster than my last marathon (Portland last October), and I felt much better about it. Just let me say once again: 26.2 miles is farther than anyone should really ever run.
The Start: The race starts and finishes outside of BC Place Stadium. Cap’n Ron and I lingered about halfway back in the starting queue so we could chat with Hayden and Mrs Cap’n Ron as long as possible before starting, and so we could keep our jackets on until the last minute. At 7:00 in the morning it’s just too damn cold to be standing around in shorts and a t-shirt. But there was a consequence to this: When they started the race it took us over a minute to shuffle across the line, and the frustration of the crowd would last a while...But we were off. My second marathon. My goal was to finish, to beat my Portland time, and to not injure myself in the process. Anything from 3:20 to 3:40 as a finishing time was perfect with me...
Mile 1 (8:10): Get these people OUT OF MY WAY. The first mile of the course has a lot of turns and narrow streets to navigate, and it doesn’t open up until Mile 2. So I spent the first mile burning way too much energy trying to pick my way through the 9 and 10 minute pace runners who for some reason like to run 3 abreast in the middle of the course. They also like to suddenly and without reason weave and change directions. Not at all frustrating.
Mile 2 (7:38): The course started to open up a little bit here and I picked up. Cap’n Ron smartly stayed at his 8:00 goal pace, and I wouldn’t see him again for a while. This was more like it. I wanted to run 7:30s if possible, at least for the first 18 or so just to see what my Boston Qualifying pace felt like. I need to run a 3:15:59 marathon to qualify for Boston. And while I had no real delusions of qualifying in this race, it is my goal for Portland next October.
Mile 3 (7:25): Right on pace and cruising. This is part of a short out-and-back sequence with a small climb. Just before the mile marker we got to watch the leaders coming the other way (they were running 5 minute miles, and the winner - a Kenyan - finished in 2:15:15). It was great to watch them already battling one another for position and even greater was the load applause and cheering on they received from the rest of us slow people.
Mile 4 (7:23): At mile 4 the course turns back toward downtown and heads downhill. I hit the first water station here and slowed down to make sure I got a good full drink. One of the mistakes I made in Portland was running through every station at full speed. Slowing to a jog allowed me to take in plenty of fluids (and skip a few stations along the way as well).
Mile 5 (7:15): Too fast, but feeling really good. At this point I know I will see The Colleague pretty soon. She and Mrs. Cap’n Ron planned to be at mile 7 up in Chinatown...
Mile 6 (7:20): I grabbed another quick drink here and was still cruising. I was doing math in my head to see if I had caught back up to a 7:30 pace. Not yet. I also noticed a small annoyance that would piss me off later as my brain started to melt down: my GPS was off by about .25 miles from the race markers. And my miles were clicking by faster than the course markers. This meant that my watch would read 26.2 miles well before I was actually finished with the race.
Mile 7: (7:22): This mile takes the course through a part of town that I am not sure I would walk through alone in the daytime. Consider it a complete tour of Vancouver...in addition to Stanley Park, the Planetarium, the waterfront, and the Science Center, we got to see the methadone clinic and the burned out carcasses of several Buicks. And this is where The Colleague and Mrs. Cap’n Ron were hanging out? Yikes. Right before the 7 mile marker there they were! I can’t tell you how great it is to have that support along the course. In this race, knowing that The Colleague would be at miles 7, 11, and 17 gave me something to focus on as the miles added up. She had fuel and water for me, but I was still doing fine and had 2 gels with me for fuel. Hi Colleague!
Miles 8 and 9: (7:25, 7:32): Big climb here and the most boring part of the course. Miles 8 and 9 loop away from town through a fairly dodgy residential district. Unlike the rest of the course, the people on the sidewalks here seemed baffled by what all of these runners were doing, so there was no cheering on or support out here. Somewhere out in this wasteland I where I notice that I am starting to “slap” my feet down in my stride and I have to focus to keep a smoother motion going. This is also where I start talking to myself. At this point it is standard stuff - “come on, smooth strides” or “easy, easy”. Later I start the self abuse...
Mile 10 (7:20): I know I’m running a little fast here, but at this point I have decided to go as fast as I can as long as I can and then suffer through whatever is left. Not exactly a sound or recommended strategy, but I do have a disease that always makes me want to see how far or fast I can go. Even in training runs. By now I am also having serious delusions of a Boston Qualifying time. That doesn’t last long.
Mile 11 (6:52): WAY too fast. Woops. Cruising up Hastings Street I see The Colleague again. She is screaming and yelling and making me very happy. AND she has some Clif Blocks for me to eat. Solid food is great about now, even if it is in gummy form. See you in 7 miles!
Mile 12 (7:10): Here I fall in with a group of 4 friends who are pacing each other and running in a close pack. I short of draft them and zone out, but they are chatting and telling jokes to keep themselves busy, and I just can’t take it, so I let them go ahead of me. We’re just about to Stanley Park which I was looking forward too...
Mile 13 (7:37): Coming up to the halfway point I’m still feeling strong. Stanley Park has a lot of little hills that don’t show up on the elevation chart. Ugh.
Mile 14 (7:42): Past the halfway point now, and the miles remaining start to shrink. From here on out, the marathon is just an exercise in not quitting. This mile turns and climbs a long hill through the park and I see my first real human wreckage – a guy younger than me rolls his ankle on the edge of the pavement and tumbles into the brush. By the time I get up to where he crashed several people are helping him so I keep going. And I start to think that a twisted ankle would be one way to get out of this race more quickly than running another 12 miles...
Mile 15 (7:52): Notice anything? It’s the slow-down portion of the race. Here’s how it went. In mile 15 I was cruising along and still feeling somewhat human. I had a gel here and looked forward to seeing The Colleague at mile 17. I don’t know if my stride got longer or I stepped wrong or what, but my right hamstring gave me that twinge that said, “Hey man, stop running or I’m going to lock up on you!” So starting at this point I am running at whatever pace feels like it is right on the edge of cramping or pulling a muscle. I slow down. Still doing fine, but slower than my muscles and lungs could go. The damn hamstring is my limiting factor now. Grrrr.
Mile 16 (7:44): This last bit through Stanley Park is slightly downhill and really pretty. I zone out...
Mile 17 (8:05): Along Beach Ave now. They use this street for the Sun Run 10k too, and I have to say it is much easier to take when it is mile 2 than when it is mile 17. There is always good crowd here though, and the energy is high. Second human wreckage sighting – a young woman passes out on the grass. Soft landing, anyway. My last Colleague time before the finish is coming up!
Mile 18 (8:11): Climb! This is the start of the biggest climb on the course. Up and over the Burrard Bridge. And there is The Colleague! It is so great to see her at this point and it keeps me going up and over the bridge. The climb isn’t bad this direction (but my hamstring is threatening to revolt on me even more). And, knowing that I have to come back over this bridge on the return just sucks.
Mile 19 (8:13): Mile 19 is a blur. I remember none of it.
Mile 20 (9:42): Blow up! I found the wall, and it is at mile 20. It is still more my hamstring than my endurance or anything else, but I’m not quite ready to push it and run 6 miles with a cramp or a pulled muscle, so I have to throttle back a lot. I have started walking through all of the water stops to rest a little bit and get as much fluid as possible.
Mile 21 (9:03): Mile 21 has a short out-and-back section in it after the turnaround and this is where I see Cap’n Ron for the first time since Mile 1. He is definitely catching me, and I figure that if he is able to stay on pace he will get his Boston Qualifying time. He needs a 3:30:59 to make it. A big high five as we pass each other.
Mile 22 (9:01): I am totally frustrated because I know I could be pushing harder than I am. This part of the course is very hilly and I am tired enough now that the uphills seem steep and the downhills seem flat. Still talking to myself, I start in on the self abuse. Insert your own negative self-talk here. Sprinkle liberally with profanity.
Mile 23 (9:18): I make the mistake of thinking about the upcoming bridge. There’s no way I can climb it. After about 22 miles everything just hurts. The instincts in your brain start to take over and tell you to quite, and when you don’t listen, your body starts shutting things down to save itself. Finding a reason to keep running through this stretch of miles is the whole trick to running a marathon. The urge to quit is amazing. And it is a constant from this point on. Every step feels like it might as well be the last one you run. Just quit. The anti-Nike campaign. Just quit. Screw it. I remember reading about tricks to keep going in the late miles, and one is to count steps and figure out how many make up a mile. I got to 100 before deciding that was the stupidest thing I had ever read. Visualizing the finish helped a little. Not much.
Mile 24 (9:56): Cap’n Ron catches up with me here. We chat a little. Mostly “this sucks” and “I just want this to be over.” I tell him about my hamstring and basically complain a lot. We’re quite a motivating pair.
Mile 25 (10:21): Yep. You read that pace correctly. I walked 100 yards of the bridge to settle myself down and get the energy for the finishing push. After 25 miles it is amazing how impossible the last 1.2 miles seems. There is no WAY I can do this. I have to stop. Right? Wait...am I going downhill now? Awesome. Cap’n Ron is in front of me now as I come off the Burrard Bridge for the second time. I hate that damn bridge. As predicted, my GPS told me I was done here. 26.23 miles. I love technology.
Mile 26 (8:35): The finishing push. I run past the last water station and past Cap’n Ron. Telling myself I can suffer through anything for 8 minutes, I just run for it. Finishing a marathon is an unbelievable experience, and when the crowd is as good as it is at Vancouver, it is even better. I watch as someone loses their legs and wobbles to a slow motion crash in front of me. I see a cameraman snap my photo and hear him urge me on. And I see The Colleague screaming on the side. (Wait, is that guy hitting on her? I think I just saw him ask her for her phone number). A guy I had been running near for the last 5 miles or so is there and struggling and when I catch him I urge him on and we sprint to the finish. DONE! 3 hours, 34 minutes, 25 seconds. I’m not supposed to, but I linger in the finish chute waiting for Cap’n Ron, who comes in right behind me at 3:36 and change. Great run! Hugs and tears and hollering follow. Then it is into BC Place to get some food and meet up with The Colleague and Mrs. Cap’n Ron. Unlike in Portland, they actually wait until you finish to give you a finisher’s shirt. I’ll wear this one happily!
After cleaning up and getting a little rest, we hit the pub for several celebratory Canadian beers. I think I ate 3 dinners Sunday night, but I can’t be sure. I know The Colleague and I ended the evening with sushi somewhere on Robson Street. Yum!
Overall it was a great race. For my second attempt at this distance I feel like it went pretty well, and I’m definitely excited about Portland in October. If I can keep shaving time with each race, I might actually qualify for Boston someday.
It would have been nice to not have to slow down so much in the last few miles, but I was able to run full speed through the finish and I felt good about the whole race. Yes, I went out too fast in the first half, but I went in knowing I might try it just to see what happened. What happened is my hamstring decided to be my limiting factor. I have never had a hamstring problem in my life, so it was a weird thing to have happen to me, but at least I recognized it and didn’t push until it actually exploded.
I am resting this week and will start running lightly again in 10 days or so. Then it’s back to the training routine. I’d like to find a mid-summer race in the 10k or half marathon range to keep me interested, but we’ll see how that goes. A new training plan is in the wings and will include more strength training (speed work and hills) and flexibility work (yoga). Training over the summer is hard because of our travel plans, but I can usually piece together a good schedule.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Taking Advantage of the Strong US Dollar
There's no getting out of it now, I guess. Back in October when I signed up for this damn race I was pretty sure that something would happen so that I wouldn't be able to race. I mean, chances were pretty high that:- Bush would so thoroughly alienate every other country in the world that we wouldn't be welcome in Canada
- Enough Americans would flee to Vancouver to escape the Bush regime that there simply wouldn't be room for us to visit
- The US dollar would crash so far that my entry fee would double and we wouldn't be able to afford the pre-race pasta feed.
But now here I am, healthy (no broken bones or torn muscles), trained (400 miles so far this year), and rested (funny how less stressful this year of my life has been. Hmmmm.)
So The Colleague and I are off to meet Cap'n Ron and Mrs. Cap'n Ron in Vancouver. The Colleague can visit some of the money she left there last time she visited. Cap'n and I will lace up the racing flats and join 5,000 some other idiots at the starting line of the 37th Vancouver Marathon. We'll be somewhere in Stanley Park when the Kenyans waltz across the finish line, but we'll get there.
Here's a marathon course in context.4,216,481.28 centimeters
1,660,032 inches
138,336 feet
46,112 yards
42,164 meters
42.164 kilometers
26.2 miles
The piece I can't figure out is how the course officials get away with making the first 18 miles actual miles, while the last 8.2 miles are actually 15 miles long. Weird, that.
I hope the "Your Are Not Kenyan" sign guy is there. He's my favorite. I am NOT Kenyan. True that.
Now, where did I put my Loonies.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Name That Prof!
Disgruntled Students Speak Out!
It is no secret that many characters in this little blog-o-world make their careers plying the waters of Academe. Our job is to educate all of those who grace our classrooms, and I think most of us do a fair job of it. What do we get in return, aside from our massive salaries and endless perks and kickbacks? Our ungrateful little students take the time to rave about our teaching at RateMyProfessors.com.
Reading their comments really gives me pause. I take every one of them very seriously, and I adapt my teaching to match their rants. After all, the students who fail our classes because their parents are actually cousins are exactly the ones we want to be judged by.
So I decided we would have a little test. Let's see who can match the RateMyProfessors entry with the appropriate SailRunClimbRide personality. To the winner: one pair of soon-to-be-retired (387 miles) Brooks Adrenaline GTS 7 runnings shoes, size 11 (you pay shipping and handling):
The Professors
1. GVB
2. The Colleague
3. Al Bangorhard
4. CAG
5. AW
6. RPD
7. MathDude
The Reviews
A. "...an awesome prof. talks about random stuff to prove a strange point such as making paper airplanes for 10 min to prove some point that was lost in the process."
B. "...willing to give help but then have a quick temper. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY OR DO IN CLASS, wants you to be in totall focus, if not, your gonna hear some things you have not heard from other teachers."
C. "...just a jerk about everything. i really didn't get anything out of this class and the teacher wasn't helpful at all."
D. "...tells us everything we ever learned was wrong...chooses a retarded theme for a hard class and expects to only spend time on this class stuff so assigns a butt load of crap assignments and then grades you horribly. grr."
E. "...NOT recommended. The average grade in this class is, 69%, 1.4 gpa, or considered a d+. That says it all."
F. "...seems to grade based on opinion only. Very little if any feedback is given on formal papers. When you get your paper back, there is no rhyme or reason given for your grade...doesn't tell you why you lost points on any given paper. You just receive the final grade. All our assignments were VERY feminist in nature."
G. "...the worst teacher at this school...as clear as Charlie Brown's teacher....You will only enjoy this class if you are a masochistic english geek. You have been warned."
Happy matching.
It is no secret that many characters in this little blog-o-world make their careers plying the waters of Academe. Our job is to educate all of those who grace our classrooms, and I think most of us do a fair job of it. What do we get in return, aside from our massive salaries and endless perks and kickbacks? Our ungrateful little students take the time to rave about our teaching at RateMyProfessors.com.
Reading their comments really gives me pause. I take every one of them very seriously, and I adapt my teaching to match their rants. After all, the students who fail our classes because their parents are actually cousins are exactly the ones we want to be judged by.So I decided we would have a little test. Let's see who can match the RateMyProfessors entry with the appropriate SailRunClimbRide personality. To the winner: one pair of soon-to-be-retired (387 miles) Brooks Adrenaline GTS 7 runnings shoes, size 11 (you pay shipping and handling):
The Professors
1. GVB
2. The Colleague
3. Al Bangorhard
4. CAG
5. AW
6. RPD
7. MathDude
The Reviews
A. "...an awesome prof. talks about random stuff to prove a strange point such as making paper airplanes for 10 min to prove some point that was lost in the process."
B. "...willing to give help but then have a quick temper. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY OR DO IN CLASS, wants you to be in totall focus, if not, your gonna hear some things you have not heard from other teachers."
C. "...just a jerk about everything. i really didn't get anything out of this class and the teacher wasn't helpful at all."
D. "...tells us everything we ever learned was wrong...chooses a retarded theme for a hard class and expects to only spend time on this class stuff so assigns a butt load of crap assignments and then grades you horribly. grr."
E. "...NOT recommended. The average grade in this class is, 69%, 1.4 gpa, or considered a d+. That says it all."
F. "...seems to grade based on opinion only. Very little if any feedback is given on formal papers. When you get your paper back, there is no rhyme or reason given for your grade...doesn't tell you why you lost points on any given paper. You just receive the final grade. All our assignments were VERY feminist in nature."
G. "...the worst teacher at this school...as clear as Charlie Brown's teacher....You will only enjoy this class if you are a masochistic english geek. You have been warned."
Happy matching.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Back to the Factory
Spring Break has come and gone. I hope my students had as much fun as I did...
Just as I was starting to get used to having the "out of office" auto-reply on, just as I was starting to forget the horror of the previous term, I had to face reality and fire up the CupertinoBookPro and get ready for the next 11 weeks of horror. Though I am sure this will be the quarter where everything goes perfectly and my students are engaged and deeply interested in learning about writing and critical thinking.
My InBox was full of wonderful news and joy. I stand to earn 15 million dollars just for letting the son of a wealthy Saudi oil man use MY checking account to store some money while he travels. I check my account daily. I also have several offers to cure my baldness AND my erectile dysfunction at the same time. These herbal remedies are amazing. The Colleague waits by the door for the discretely wrapped packages to arrive.
And this gem from Forgettable Former Student in The Back Row:
i read the syllabus and it said all major assignments must be turned in in order to pass the class and i did turn in every major assignment. beside, my conference was at 9:30, i came 10-15 minutes late and someone else was already in your office and i'm pretty sure conferences were supposed to be 30 minutes long each. i don't drive and i have to baby sit and work and go to school at the same time. that means my schedule always have to fit my family's schedule so they could take me to school, work, and such. but most of the time things don't work out. if everyone in my family have to work on certain days and are not free to take me to school, that means i cant go to school. i know you wouldn't believe this, but i can provide proof. i really tried to make it to the conference, but i'm terribly sorry i was late, but i wasn't expecting that someone would be in my spot when i make it there. i was also waiting outside, but people kept coming in and i don't blame them because it was their appointments. im also a running start student so i have to be at my high school frequently. what i'm trying to say is that it is extremely hard for me to go around and make it to school everyday. that is why i only take online and hybrid classes (eventhough the only place that i can easily be at to have access to the internet is my aunt's house). so when i actually get the chance to be at school to attend another conference, you weren't in your office. i also emailed you a copy of my draft and you said you would read it and tell me what you think but you never replied me so i had no idea how i did on my first draft. with all due respect, i'm just trying to tell you that i really tried my hardest. participation points are worth 10%, and i looked at the grade book and i saw that most of the discussions that i participated in, i got an above average score, so i didn't think it would hurt me that bad. i agree with you that my final paper killed me, but greg, i had no idea how i did on my draft. please just give me a chance, this class is extremely important to me. failing it also means that i won't be able to graduate from high school. please, if you want me to rewrite my whole paper, i will do it, just give me a day. only 1 day, i will do anything. i respect your decision but please reconsider this. trust me i tried really hard, but this is life and my background and my family sometime make it really hard for me. please, give me another chance, i really want to graduate in june. i will do whatever it takes. i just need at least a 2.2. that's all i'm asking for. i also tried calling you, but apparently you won't be back until the 7th, and that will be too late for me to do anything. if you have the time please write me back, or you can even call me. my number is ________. i have a story, i have hardships, and i have a lot of explanation, and i'm also asking for a chance. please let me know.
Yes folks, this is our student body at its finest. I sure hope her sisters and cousins are in my class this term!
As I liquor up for the first day of classes and get ready for my students to miss every point and over-simplify every concept to the point of using "Jackass" as a "perfect analogy," I leave you with this:
Just as I was starting to get used to having the "out of office" auto-reply on, just as I was starting to forget the horror of the previous term, I had to face reality and fire up the CupertinoBookPro and get ready for the next 11 weeks of horror. Though I am sure this will be the quarter where everything goes perfectly and my students are engaged and deeply interested in learning about writing and critical thinking.My InBox was full of wonderful news and joy. I stand to earn 15 million dollars just for letting the son of a wealthy Saudi oil man use MY checking account to store some money while he travels. I check my account daily. I also have several offers to cure my baldness AND my erectile dysfunction at the same time. These herbal remedies are amazing. The Colleague waits by the door for the discretely wrapped packages to arrive.
And this gem from Forgettable Former Student in The Back Row:
i read the syllabus and it said all major assignments must be turned in in order to pass the class and i did turn in every major assignment. beside, my conference was at 9:30, i came 10-15 minutes late and someone else was already in your office and i'm pretty sure conferences were supposed to be 30 minutes long each. i don't drive and i have to baby sit and work and go to school at the same time. that means my schedule always have to fit my family's schedule so they could take me to school, work, and such. but most of the time things don't work out. if everyone in my family have to work on certain days and are not free to take me to school, that means i cant go to school. i know you wouldn't believe this, but i can provide proof. i really tried to make it to the conference, but i'm terribly sorry i was late, but i wasn't expecting that someone would be in my spot when i make it there. i was also waiting outside, but people kept coming in and i don't blame them because it was their appointments. im also a running start student so i have to be at my high school frequently. what i'm trying to say is that it is extremely hard for me to go around and make it to school everyday. that is why i only take online and hybrid classes (eventhough the only place that i can easily be at to have access to the internet is my aunt's house). so when i actually get the chance to be at school to attend another conference, you weren't in your office. i also emailed you a copy of my draft and you said you would read it and tell me what you think but you never replied me so i had no idea how i did on my first draft. with all due respect, i'm just trying to tell you that i really tried my hardest. participation points are worth 10%, and i looked at the grade book and i saw that most of the discussions that i participated in, i got an above average score, so i didn't think it would hurt me that bad. i agree with you that my final paper killed me, but greg, i had no idea how i did on my draft. please just give me a chance, this class is extremely important to me. failing it also means that i won't be able to graduate from high school. please, if you want me to rewrite my whole paper, i will do it, just give me a day. only 1 day, i will do anything. i respect your decision but please reconsider this. trust me i tried really hard, but this is life and my background and my family sometime make it really hard for me. please, give me another chance, i really want to graduate in june. i will do whatever it takes. i just need at least a 2.2. that's all i'm asking for. i also tried calling you, but apparently you won't be back until the 7th, and that will be too late for me to do anything. if you have the time please write me back, or you can even call me. my number is ________. i have a story, i have hardships, and i have a lot of explanation, and i'm also asking for a chance. please let me know.
Yes folks, this is our student body at its finest. I sure hope her sisters and cousins are in my class this term!
As I liquor up for the first day of classes and get ready for my students to miss every point and over-simplify every concept to the point of using "Jackass" as a "perfect analogy," I leave you with this:
Introduction To Poetry
Billy Collins
I ask them to take a poem
and hold it up to the light
like a color slide
or press an ear against its hive.
I say drop a mouse into a poem
and watch him probe his way out,
or walk inside the poem's room
and feel the walls for a light switch.
I want them to waterski
across the surface of a poem
waving at the author's name on the shore.
But all they want to do
is tie the poem to a chair with rope
and torture a confession out of it.
They begin beating it with a hose
to find out what it really means.
Billy Collins
I ask them to take a poem
and hold it up to the light
like a color slide
or press an ear against its hive.
I say drop a mouse into a poem
and watch him probe his way out,
or walk inside the poem's room
and feel the walls for a light switch.
I want them to waterski
across the surface of a poem
waving at the author's name on the shore.
But all they want to do
is tie the poem to a chair with rope
and torture a confession out of it.
They begin beating it with a hose
to find out what it really means.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Are You A Douchebag?
The Colleague and I are freshly returned from San Francisco. It was an educational experience. And by educational, I mean that our time in the city reaffirmed things we already knew about people we don't like...
- If you are in your early 20s and you walk around with your Powerbook talking about how "killer" your new startup graphic art studio is, YOU ARE A DOUCHEBAG.
- If you wear white size XXL button down shirts with lace adornment and the cuffs turned up, YOU ARE A DOUCHEBAG.
- If you drive a Ford F-250 with chrome wheels and a lift kit, YOU ARE A DOUCHEBAG.
- If you don't realize that it is 2008 and calling two men "fags" is not only NOT offensive but illustrative of your deeply seeded homosexual fantasies, YOU ARE A DOUCHEBAG.
- If you have any sticker on your truck that expresses your support of our current president, YOU ARE A DOUCHEBAG.
- If you are over 30 and have a MySpace page which you actively update, YOU ARE A DOUCHEBAG.
- If you are the two dudes sitting in front of us on Alaska Air flight #333 from San Francisco to Seattle on March 31st, YOU ARE MOST DEFINITELY DOUCHBAGS.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Where Am I Going? Where Have I Been?
3,000 Miles on 2 Wheels. (Well, four if you add the two bikes together.)
Cap'n Ron and I are back from the moto trip to Joshua Tree and back. I'll let the narrative at Geomatic Guy do its thing. I am left with several unanswered questions:
And now for the visual portion of the program:
Let's Go By Air
If it's all the same to you folks, I think I'll fly to San Francisco with The Colleague later this week...anything to get her off the streets. Work it. Work it. DVB will be there with all of the Media Studies geeks just DYING to give me their money at the poker table.
Let's Not Go At All
Still trying to pretend I'm training for a marathon. 4 weeks and 4 long runs left. Ouch.
In Fact, Why Don't YOU Go On Foot
The Colleague is walking 60 miles over three days to save the boobs. Send her your money. Help save the boobs.
Cap'n Ron and I are back from the moto trip to Joshua Tree and back. I'll let the narrative at Geomatic Guy do its thing. I am left with several unanswered questions:
- Which I-5 stretch is worse, 530 miles from Bothell, WA to Yreka, CA? Or 480 miles from Yreka, CA to Visalia, CA?
- Which is better, dirt riding in Joshua Tree National Park or paved mountain roads near Sequoia National Park?
- Which is worse, 29 degrees and snowing in the Mojave Desert, or 32 degrees and snowing outside of Bend, OR?
- Which town is more tragic, Barstow, CA or 29 Palms, CA?
- Which is worse, paying $4.39 a gallon for gas in Death Valley, or paying $20 for 2 gallons of gas from Stu the toothless hick in Shoshone, CA?
- Which is better, coasting into Shoshone, CA on fumes, or finding that an apparently normal power outage means there is no way to pump gas?
- Would you rather be killed by an angry military serviceman in Barstow or in 29 Palms?
- Why, exactly, are drivers in Washington the absolute worst drivers on the planet?
- Why does a 25 mph corner mean you can do 50 mph when a 10 mph corner means you can only do 5?
- Exactly what benign force kept Cap'n Ron and I from dumping the bikes in that deep, sandy corner on Geology Tour Road?
- Why is it my fault with Cap'n Ron drinks more beer than he planned? (And, I might also ask, why doesn't Cap'n Ron just plan on drinking more beer so he won't feel like he had too much?)
- How far into a trip do you have to be before 300 miles seems like a "quick hop?"
- Or, maybe the proper question here is this: How close to home do you have to be before powering through 300 miles seems like less torture than staying away for even one more day?
- Who the fuck lives in Beatty, NV?
- Is it worth playing $5 worth of video poker to get a comped drink that costs $6?
- Which is more interesting, 208 feet below sea level or 6,380 feet above sea level?
And now for the visual portion of the program:
Cap'n Ron making turns in the mountains:
Geology Tour Road, J Tree:
That Don't Look Good, Cap'n:
I'll give you one guess who had their wedding reception in this barn:
The Low Point, Death Valley:
The thing is, I would have paid $4.29 if they would have sold it to me. Shoshone, CA:
You can't see signs like this enough when your "Low Fuel" light is on:
Um...
Let's Go By Air
If it's all the same to you folks, I think I'll fly to San Francisco with The Colleague later this week...anything to get her off the streets. Work it. Work it. DVB will be there with all of the Media Studies geeks just DYING to give me their money at the poker table.
Let's Not Go At All
Still trying to pretend I'm training for a marathon. 4 weeks and 4 long runs left. Ouch.
In Fact, Why Don't YOU Go On Foot
The Colleague is walking 60 miles over three days to save the boobs. Send her your money. Help save the boobs.
Friday, March 21, 2008
New Blog Post
In theory, this is where a nice long blog post about an 8 day motorcycle trip with Cap'n Ron would go.
In theory.
In theory.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
I Suck. And Other Things.
THE LEARNIN' FACTORY
I am NOT good at my job. I know this because I am reading drafts of final papers from my research writing students. I haven't taught them anything. Not a god damn thing.
But I'm sort of stuck, because I've been pretending all term like I've been teaching them and now it is grading time. I can't fail all 50 of them, can I? Well, I can fail these ones...let's go to the In Box. As always, these are real emails from real students. Except the ones I've made up:
Hey GVB whats up i'm at stevens pass snowboarding and the pass is closed and won't be open until tuesday so sorry i won't be in class on monday thanks.
-Super Snowboarder
Dear Snowboarder,
I'm glad you are getting out there and exercising and enjoying the natural beauty of this area. It truly is an amazing place to live. Two things: one, since I don't take attendance and don't really know who you are since you never come to class, it was probably a better choice to just not show up for class. Telling me about it only makes me pay more attention to you. Two, according to the Department of Transportation's latest press release, the pass will open at 4 p.m. today, so GREAT NEWS! you'll be able to get home tonight and make it to class on time. Also, I've just decided that we are having a pop quiz tomorrow that is worth 75% of your grade.
-GVB
Dear GVB,
I keep checking the online gradebook and you haven't graded any of my work all quarter. I have no idea how am doing in your class. I have already complained to your dean and department chair. I expect to hear from you today or I will take further action.
-Grade Anxiety
Dear Grade Anxiety,
Thank you for checking in about your grade in Week Nine of the 10 week term. You're right on top of your game. And being proactive enough to see my dean about your complaint BEFORE you brought it to me? Awesome. A+. Oh, wait, one more thing. The department chair is sitting right here in our living room and she says you never contacted her about anything, so I know you're full of shit. Ok, two more things. You haven't received any grades this term because you haven't turned anything in. Don't make this about me you low-rent piece of - Sorry. I have to sign off now. My department chair wants to go to bed.
-GVB
Dear GVB,
I am a student in your afternoon class and my daughter is selling Girl Scout cookies...
DELETE
Dear GVB,
I was wondering if it would be ok to write a research paper on how much things have changed since my dad played sports in high school. He's like 35 years old, and it is amazing how different things were way back then...
DELETE
Dear GVB,
You're doing a great job with the class. You bring good ideas into the classroom and you challenge your students while not overworking them. Great job.
Love, GVB
Ok, ok. Only the last one is real.
RUNNING IS STUPID, EXCEPT WHEN IT IS AWESOME
You heard it hear first. Running is stupid. Training is kicking my ass. Mostly because I'm not doing any of it. 25-30 miles a week is all I can manage. Sucks. I've managed some quality runs, like THIS ONE in Port Gamble last week, but mostly I'm sitting at home watching Cap'n Ron run all over the damn place getting stronger and faster by the day.
I'll admit, there are times when running is the coolest thing I can imagine, like on the run mentioned above when I came upon a 1 mile single-track downhill trail without a soul in sight. I bombed down that fucker at full speed, whooping it up the whole way. Just awesome.
I'm on the mileage buildup plan now. Still a good 6 weeks until the Vancouver 'Thon. I can still make it. Time to start thinking about a realistic goal...3:30? Seems like it's worth trying. I'll still have to find an additional 15 minutes somewhere in Portland in October if I want to be running Boston in 2009. Lofty goal for a fat dude.
WILD HOGS!
Cap'n Ron and I are just days away from the 4th annual Joshua Tree extravaganza (also known as the 1st Annual Motorcycle Trip to Joshua Tree). 9 days of winding roads and backcountry. Ok, 2 days of Interstate 5 drudgery followed by 7 days of windy roads and backcountry. Rock climbing officially optional this year! One of the planned highlights? A 20 mile run in Death Valley.
OTHER THINGS
I am NOT good at my job. I know this because I am reading drafts of final papers from my research writing students. I haven't taught them anything. Not a god damn thing.
But I'm sort of stuck, because I've been pretending all term like I've been teaching them and now it is grading time. I can't fail all 50 of them, can I? Well, I can fail these ones...let's go to the In Box. As always, these are real emails from real students. Except the ones I've made up:
Hey GVB whats up i'm at stevens pass snowboarding and the pass is closed and won't be open until tuesday so sorry i won't be in class on monday thanks.
-Super Snowboarder
Dear Snowboarder,
I'm glad you are getting out there and exercising and enjoying the natural beauty of this area. It truly is an amazing place to live. Two things: one, since I don't take attendance and don't really know who you are since you never come to class, it was probably a better choice to just not show up for class. Telling me about it only makes me pay more attention to you. Two, according to the Department of Transportation's latest press release, the pass will open at 4 p.m. today, so GREAT NEWS! you'll be able to get home tonight and make it to class on time. Also, I've just decided that we are having a pop quiz tomorrow that is worth 75% of your grade.
-GVB
Dear GVB,
I keep checking the online gradebook and you haven't graded any of my work all quarter. I have no idea how am doing in your class. I have already complained to your dean and department chair. I expect to hear from you today or I will take further action.
-Grade Anxiety
Dear Grade Anxiety,
Thank you for checking in about your grade in Week Nine of the 10 week term. You're right on top of your game. And being proactive enough to see my dean about your complaint BEFORE you brought it to me? Awesome. A+. Oh, wait, one more thing. The department chair is sitting right here in our living room and she says you never contacted her about anything, so I know you're full of shit. Ok, two more things. You haven't received any grades this term because you haven't turned anything in. Don't make this about me you low-rent piece of - Sorry. I have to sign off now. My department chair wants to go to bed.
-GVB
Dear GVB,
I am a student in your afternoon class and my daughter is selling Girl Scout cookies...
DELETE
Dear GVB,
I was wondering if it would be ok to write a research paper on how much things have changed since my dad played sports in high school. He's like 35 years old, and it is amazing how different things were way back then...
DELETE
Dear GVB,
You're doing a great job with the class. You bring good ideas into the classroom and you challenge your students while not overworking them. Great job.
Love, GVB
Ok, ok. Only the last one is real.
RUNNING IS STUPID, EXCEPT WHEN IT IS AWESOME
You heard it hear first. Running is stupid. Training is kicking my ass. Mostly because I'm not doing any of it. 25-30 miles a week is all I can manage. Sucks. I've managed some quality runs, like THIS ONE in Port Gamble last week, but mostly I'm sitting at home watching Cap'n Ron run all over the damn place getting stronger and faster by the day.
I'll admit, there are times when running is the coolest thing I can imagine, like on the run mentioned above when I came upon a 1 mile single-track downhill trail without a soul in sight. I bombed down that fucker at full speed, whooping it up the whole way. Just awesome.
I'm on the mileage buildup plan now. Still a good 6 weeks until the Vancouver 'Thon. I can still make it. Time to start thinking about a realistic goal...3:30? Seems like it's worth trying. I'll still have to find an additional 15 minutes somewhere in Portland in October if I want to be running Boston in 2009. Lofty goal for a fat dude.
WILD HOGS!
Cap'n Ron and I are just days away from the 4th annual Joshua Tree extravaganza (also known as the 1st Annual Motorcycle Trip to Joshua Tree). 9 days of winding roads and backcountry. Ok, 2 days of Interstate 5 drudgery followed by 7 days of windy roads and backcountry. Rock climbing officially optional this year! One of the planned highlights? A 20 mile run in Death Valley.
OTHER THINGS
- As much as I hate to admit it, when given a choice, I will usually opt for Kraft Macaroni and Cheese as a post-run meal. It is just SO good.
- The Colleague Actually Updates Her Website
- I just opened a can of StarKist Albacore Tuna. It looks like actual fish. It tastes like actual fish. Which makes me wonder, what the fuck is in those "regular" tuna cans? Don't answer that question.
- I lost our Academy Awards pool again this year. I really thought it might be George Clooney's year, even though I hadn't seen his movie. Then we watched "Michael Clayton" and I understand why he didn't win. Clooney is like a really good long reliever in films. Solid. Likeable. Strong. Intimidating. But he just isn't a starter.
- The Ex-Mrs GVB is still a horrible, horrible person
- I'm about to cancel my subscription to Runner's World magazine, otherwise known as "Abs You Will Never Have Monthly." Seriously. Every fucking cover has a ripped man or woman with a headline like "A New Stronger You". No one looks like that. I prefer the Peyton Manning approach.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
A Valentines Message
If only I knew someone who this news story describes...damn.
Online Dating Helping Pathetic Women Get Their Hopes Crushed More Efficiently
Online Dating Helping Pathetic Women Get Their Hopes Crushed More Efficiently
Friday, February 08, 2008
Ten Things from a Ten Miler
I managed to drag my ass out for my planned 10 miler today, despite the driving rain, 40 degree temps, and a southerly 20 mph breeze. Oh, and also fatigue and boredom and a general feeling of "I truly hate running and I don't want to go out today".
To entertain myself on the boring-as-hell route on the Samammish River Trail, I devised a nice little list of ten things that I felt like sharing with all 2 of my readers...
Mile 1. 8:15: Weather forecasting in this city is a fucking joke. Granted, we live in one of the hardest weather forecasting areas in the world, but come on. The forecast on one weather site for the time of my run was overcast with southerly wind at 5 mph. On another it was for a chance of rain with a southwest wind of 10 mph. Still another site forecast showers with a 15 mph southerly wind. What did I get? Solid rain and 20 mph winds in my face. Very nice.
Mile 2. 8:01: Answer a question for me: why is it ok for fat cyclists to ride three abreast on the trail and not ok for runners? If I didn't think overweight Cannondale rider would just run me right the fuck over I'd hold my ground, but I don't want to die just yet, so I give in and end up running on the very edge of the pavement to avoid getting mowed down. Also, why do these dudes (it's always dudes) think the jogging/cycling path is really the place to go all out? Ride on the road, ass.
Mile 3. 8:02: Running is stupid. No one should do this. We evolved and invented things like bicycles and cars to avoid having to run. If that stupid Greek messenger had a mountain bike at his disposal, do you really think he would have run 26 miles to Marathon? I doubt it. Fuck this shit.
Mile 4. 7:59: That mile went pretty quickly. I need to remember that the Red Hook Brewery is out here. The Colleague and I really should go there more often. MMMM nachos and ESB...(insert Homer Simpson drool here).
Mile 5. 7:49: The smartest thing I did for my running was to sign up for the Vancouver 'Thon immediately after killing myself in Portland. If Cap'n Ron called me today and said he was thinking about not doing Vancouver, I'd totally quit and get fat instead. I mean, two of my least favorite drones at the Learnin' Factory keep expanding exponentially, I would just be showing my support for their obesity. Yikes. Just thinking about the number of fat people I work with made me speed up to burn a few more calories. Still, those nachos sound GOOOOOOD right now.
Mile 6. 7:52: The turn around. Dear Colleague, next time I say I'm doing an out and back route, remind me that every time I do this I feel like I would rather kill myself than run back to where I started. Loops and one-way runs. Period.
Mile 7. 7:44: Barack and Billary were in Seattle today, and the first headline I saw this morning was "Obama Visit Will Snarl Traffic". Seriously? This is our biggest concern when the first viable black presidential candidate comes to town? Let's not worry about his politics or his campaign. How fast we can get from our miserable jobs, into our luxury SUV, to the home life we hate even more than our jobs? That drive home as the sole occupant of your SUV is probably the nicest moment of your day: alone, your favorite pop music playing, your cell phone glued to your ear talking to your buddy about how much you hate your wife for “making” you fix the garage doors this weekend. Why are you in such a damn hurry to end the trip home? Shouldn't you want traffic to get worse? I also decided something during this mile: Elect Barack Obama. Billary is a problem. McCain is a nutjob. Obama. There. I said it. Now we just need to get Billary to concede before they end up beating each other to death while McCain sits at home and takes his Memory Tonic and tries to hide his rapidly progressing dementia.
Mile 8. 7:52: I'm running too fast. Again. But it's cold and windy and nasty out, so I want to get back to the heated seats of the A3 as soon as possible. Speaking of which, for a feature I said at the time I didn't even want, the heated seats are by far my favorite perk of the A3. A warm ass on a cold morning is a small good thing.
Mile 9. 7:48: Uh oh. I haven't eaten well today. My stomach would hurt if my brain was still working well enough to tell it to hurt. I'll try some water. SHIT, I lost one of my water bottles somewhere. Grrrr. Maybe I'll have some Gu. Yum. Hey, where are my gloves? SHIT, I lost my gloves somewhere. Oooh, pretty bird. Is that a train horn? Weird. Sure is a nice day out. Dee dee dee. Uh oh. I'm losing my mind.
Mile 10. 7:37: I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. Hey look, my car. That wasn't so bad.
To entertain myself on the boring-as-hell route on the Samammish River Trail, I devised a nice little list of ten things that I felt like sharing with all 2 of my readers...
Mile 1. 8:15: Weather forecasting in this city is a fucking joke. Granted, we live in one of the hardest weather forecasting areas in the world, but come on. The forecast on one weather site for the time of my run was overcast with southerly wind at 5 mph. On another it was for a chance of rain with a southwest wind of 10 mph. Still another site forecast showers with a 15 mph southerly wind. What did I get? Solid rain and 20 mph winds in my face. Very nice.Mile 2. 8:01: Answer a question for me: why is it ok for fat cyclists to ride three abreast on the trail and not ok for runners? If I didn't think overweight Cannondale rider would just run me right the fuck over I'd hold my ground, but I don't want to die just yet, so I give in and end up running on the very edge of the pavement to avoid getting mowed down. Also, why do these dudes (it's always dudes) think the jogging/cycling path is really the place to go all out? Ride on the road, ass.
Mile 3. 8:02: Running is stupid. No one should do this. We evolved and invented things like bicycles and cars to avoid having to run. If that stupid Greek messenger had a mountain bike at his disposal, do you really think he would have run 26 miles to Marathon? I doubt it. Fuck this shit.
Mile 4. 7:59: That mile went pretty quickly. I need to remember that the Red Hook Brewery is out here. The Colleague and I really should go there more often. MMMM nachos and ESB...(insert Homer Simpson drool here).
Mile 5. 7:49: The smartest thing I did for my running was to sign up for the Vancouver 'Thon immediately after killing myself in Portland. If Cap'n Ron called me today and said he was thinking about not doing Vancouver, I'd totally quit and get fat instead. I mean, two of my least favorite drones at the Learnin' Factory keep expanding exponentially, I would just be showing my support for their obesity. Yikes. Just thinking about the number of fat people I work with made me speed up to burn a few more calories. Still, those nachos sound GOOOOOOD right now.
Mile 6. 7:52: The turn around. Dear Colleague, next time I say I'm doing an out and back route, remind me that every time I do this I feel like I would rather kill myself than run back to where I started. Loops and one-way runs. Period.
Mile 7. 7:44: Barack and Billary were in Seattle today, and the first headline I saw this morning was "Obama Visit Will Snarl Traffic". Seriously? This is our biggest concern when the first viable black presidential candidate comes to town? Let's not worry about his politics or his campaign. How fast we can get from our miserable jobs, into our luxury SUV, to the home life we hate even more than our jobs? That drive home as the sole occupant of your SUV is probably the nicest moment of your day: alone, your favorite pop music playing, your cell phone glued to your ear talking to your buddy about how much you hate your wife for “making” you fix the garage doors this weekend. Why are you in such a damn hurry to end the trip home? Shouldn't you want traffic to get worse? I also decided something during this mile: Elect Barack Obama. Billary is a problem. McCain is a nutjob. Obama. There. I said it. Now we just need to get Billary to concede before they end up beating each other to death while McCain sits at home and takes his Memory Tonic and tries to hide his rapidly progressing dementia.
Mile 8. 7:52: I'm running too fast. Again. But it's cold and windy and nasty out, so I want to get back to the heated seats of the A3 as soon as possible. Speaking of which, for a feature I said at the time I didn't even want, the heated seats are by far my favorite perk of the A3. A warm ass on a cold morning is a small good thing.
Mile 9. 7:48: Uh oh. I haven't eaten well today. My stomach would hurt if my brain was still working well enough to tell it to hurt. I'll try some water. SHIT, I lost one of my water bottles somewhere. Grrrr. Maybe I'll have some Gu. Yum. Hey, where are my gloves? SHIT, I lost my gloves somewhere. Oooh, pretty bird. Is that a train horn? Weird. Sure is a nice day out. Dee dee dee. Uh oh. I'm losing my mind.
Mile 10. 7:37: I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. I'd like to be done now please. Hey look, my car. That wasn't so bad.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Child Clowns!
Some things are just too good to keep to myself.
The Colleague sent me this while I was supposed to be paying attention in a meeting recently. It will not surprise you that I am no longer on the committee that was holding that particular meeting:
How did I ever get through work without YouTube?
The Colleague sent me this while I was supposed to be paying attention in a meeting recently. It will not surprise you that I am no longer on the committee that was holding that particular meeting:
How did I ever get through work without YouTube?
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Something New (and a Random List)
SOMETHING NEW
As I write this, I am loading the new Jack Johnson album, "Sleep Through the Static", onto my trusty orange iPod Shuffle so I can listen to it on today's planned tempo run (which is actually yesterday's planned tempo run postponed due to lameness). Early report on "Sleep Through the Static": a little less "surf tune" than Jack's last two albums, and definitely less cutesy than the music off the "Curious George" soundtrack. Duh.
I am also loading this year's runs into a newly discovered online running log called RunningAHEAD. Note the run statistics being pushed through to this page underneath the links. Cool, huh? Those totals look pretty sad though....
Let's see, what else...A RANDOM LIST
- My fave running kicks have found their way to Sierra Trading Post, which is great because they are half their normal price. HOWEVER, this means the model is doomed. It is being closed out. It is being left behind. So I am stuck with the decision: do I suck it up and stockpile new pairs of the same shoe? Or do I just assume that I will find another shoe that I like as much?
- It's a long way off yet, but Cap'n Ron and I found a way (with considerable help and encouragement from The Colleague) to keep our annual Joshua Tree trip on the calendar. This year we're taking the motorcycles all the way down and back for a little adventure to go with our adventure.
- Would it really be so hard for Hillary and Barack to get together and decide to run as a ticket this year then switch for 2012? Come on. This election "process" is such a joke.
- I've always thought this, but watching a Sundance Channel documentary on Wilco has me newly convinced that they are the country's smartest band. I just loaded "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" onto the shuffle too.
- The oldest daughter of The Colleague got braces today. Not sure what else to say about that. Though I do remember being excited to get braces when I was 14. Weird.
- David Shields' new book, The Thing About Life is that One Day You'll be Dead hits the streets today. The Colleague and I read an advance copy a couple of weeks ago...worth reading for sure. Check it out.
- It's been technically true for a while, but I have confirmation that Uncle Dan is indeed back in Seattle. Seems Denver wasn't his style. I'm sticking some Maker's Mark and Diet Coke for ya brother. Come on by The Palace anytime. And bring the junior linebacker with you.
- Here I am typing away when an email comes in from a college friend. It turns out one of our fraternity brothers from way back then is the subject of one of Oprah's home makeover situations. Weird.
- I'm not fucking Matt Damon. But Sarah Silverman is.
- Remember when you realized why mother-in-law jokes exsited? Well, I'm truly learning why ex-wife jokes exist.
- I can tell it's winter training time because most of my workouts consist of looking at my shoes or the bike, anticipating the pending torture, walking to the fridge and opening a Red Hook. If I don't participate, this micro brew craze might not catch on.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Which One of You Runs At Greenlake?! Be Honest...
Runner flashes other at Green Lake
Police are looking for the unidentified runner who flashed his genitalia at another jogger near Green Lake.
At about 2:45 p.m. Sunday, the unidentified runner flashed at a 24-year-old woman jogging near the popular urban trail, according to Seattle police reports.
The woman told officers the man pulled up his white T-shirt and dropped his black running tights as he ran past her near the intersection of Wallingford Avenue North and North 54th Street.
She also said the same man had also flashed her shortly before Christmas while she walked with friends near a Green Lake-neighborhood restaurant. The man didn't speak to her on either occasion, but appeared to be an avid runner.
According to police reports, the man is thought to be in his 30s or 40s, about 5-foot, 7-inches tall, and have short brown hair.
What? It's 2008? Shut up!
It seems your hero left for The Garden Isle in December and, while the body returned, the brain never quite got wrapped around the idea of the mainland again...
This morning I woke up at my desk. In my office. At WORK! Shit. There are students and syllabi and books and all sorts of things work-related going on. And I don't like it.
Let's take a little sample of the In Box and the introductory emails from students this fine winter term:
dear Prof
i am machiko and need english class to take for degree transfer but have not taken exam to place in your class still would like to take your class for i know that you are finest teacher and i know i will do very wll. thanks you.
-littlefunnytoysonkeychains@msn.com
(Dear littlefunnytoysonkeychains: Perhaps Sweater Girl has room for you in her class. I hear she is A-Number One teacher. Have you seen her reviews on RateMyProfessor? Everyone loves her.)
GVB,
I just checked my grade from last fall and I see that you gave me a 0.0! You're a dead man. I'm going to hunt you down and kill you.
Sincerely,
-DateRapeFan0931@yahoo.com
(Dear DateRapeFan: If I thought you had the mental capacity to find my office, I'd be worried. By the way, have you tried Diet Redbull with Vodka? It's amazing.)
Hey,
I am riting to aks if i can get in you're class this quarter. i really need an english class to gradate this quarter. i'd really apreciate it dude.
-seventhyearsenior@comcast.net
(Dear seventhyearsenior: Dude, of course you're in! I have good feeling about your chances of success in this class.)
GVB, I just saw Danielle's final grade in your class and to say the least I about as mad as I can get. I read her final paper before she submitted it and how in the world she could have gotten a grade that lowered her final mark to 1.2 is a pathetic joke. If you think I won't pursue this to the school's senior administration you are sadly mistaken, and I will do so if I don't hear what caused this by mid next week.
-AngryDad@jointhearmy.com
(Dear Angry Dad: First of all, thanks for the threat. That makes me feel all warm inside. Now I know why your daughter flinched every time someone dropped a book on the floor in the classroom. Anger management issues, much? Second, I am glad it is finally clear who did all of Danielle's work last term. You're a pretty good writer, but you/she missed a lot of class and several assignments. So, fuck you. Oh, and since you sent this email from your City of Seattle Police Department computer and official email, I have cc'd the ethics committee on my reply.)
Gotta love email.
Happy new year everyone. Only 7 days until American Idol returns. I thought I'd never make it.
This morning I woke up at my desk. In my office. At WORK! Shit. There are students and syllabi and books and all sorts of things work-related going on. And I don't like it.
Let's take a little sample of the In Box and the introductory emails from students this fine winter term:
dear Prof
i am machiko and need english class to take for degree transfer but have not taken exam to place in your class still would like to take your class for i know that you are finest teacher and i know i will do very wll. thanks you.
-littlefunnytoysonkeychains@msn.com
(Dear littlefunnytoysonkeychains: Perhaps Sweater Girl has room for you in her class. I hear she is A-Number One teacher. Have you seen her reviews on RateMyProfessor? Everyone loves her.)
GVB,
I just checked my grade from last fall and I see that you gave me a 0.0! You're a dead man. I'm going to hunt you down and kill you.
Sincerely,
-DateRapeFan0931@yahoo.com
(Dear DateRapeFan: If I thought you had the mental capacity to find my office, I'd be worried. By the way, have you tried Diet Redbull with Vodka? It's amazing.)
Hey,
I am riting to aks if i can get in you're class this quarter. i really need an english class to gradate this quarter. i'd really apreciate it dude.
-seventhyearsenior@comcast.net
(Dear seventhyearsenior: Dude, of course you're in! I have good feeling about your chances of success in this class.)
GVB, I just saw Danielle's final grade in your class and to say the least I about as mad as I can get. I read her final paper before she submitted it and how in the world she could have gotten a grade that lowered her final mark to 1.2 is a pathetic joke. If you think I won't pursue this to the school's senior administration you are sadly mistaken, and I will do so if I don't hear what caused this by mid next week.
-AngryDad@jointhearmy.com
(Dear Angry Dad: First of all, thanks for the threat. That makes me feel all warm inside. Now I know why your daughter flinched every time someone dropped a book on the floor in the classroom. Anger management issues, much? Second, I am glad it is finally clear who did all of Danielle's work last term. You're a pretty good writer, but you/she missed a lot of class and several assignments. So, fuck you. Oh, and since you sent this email from your City of Seattle Police Department computer and official email, I have cc'd the ethics committee on my reply.)
Gotta love email.
Happy new year everyone. Only 7 days until American Idol returns. I thought I'd never make it.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
A Race Report
Race Report: 12Ks of Christmas
Ran the 5th Annual 12Ks of Christmas race today in Kirkland. Here are 12 Things About the 12Ks of Christmas:
- First Thing: I know you want as many people in your race as possible, but on a 35 degree morning how DARE you delay the start by 10 minutes after getting everyone in the chute. I shed my layers with 5 minutes to go before the stated start time, only to have to stand there shivering for 15 minutes while they let the last minute stragglers make it through the sign up lines.
- Second Thing: When you know your course is narrow in the first .5 mile, it would be nice if you didn't start the walkers and runners from both events at the SAME TIME. How hard is it to start the two distances at different times? How hard is it to put the walkers in the back of the pack?
- Third Thing: Dear runners and walkers. Stop lying about your pace. It's chip timed. You don't need to start at the front of the pack. And if you do start where you shouldn't, don't run 3 abreast. Oh, and when several people have to brush past you and give you stink-eye in order to pass, take a fucking hint. Move.
- Fourth Thing: Close the course. Is it that much of a burden to shut down a couple of streets on a Sunday morning? Once we left the starting area, the course was basically relegated to the shoulder of the road, which of course slants to the gutter and makes it so that you're running on an uneven surface, including slippery storm drains for most of the course.
- Fifth Thing: Seriously, 10K and longer you need more than one water station. Come on now.
- Sixth Thing: I love short steep climbs ONLY when they are followed by long, gradual downhills. This course was perfect that way.
- Seventh Thing: When people ignore the posted No Parking signs and park their Escalade on the fucking course, TOW IT. Shit. (Happily, the start announcer joyously encouraged everyone to spit on the car as they passed. That thing was COVERED with Gu packs and other nasty bits).
- Eighth Thing: I realize it is a course measured in kilometers, but everyone in the race is on mile splits. Can we mark both? Pretty please?
- Ninth Thing: I HATE it when I go to Starbucks and Meghan/Melissa/Michelle/Molly tries to sell me up to the seasonal beverage ("Would you like to try our Eggnog Peppermint Mocha Latte today?"). Worse? Sprinting to the finish of a race and finding that the first comfort station is STARBUCKS! What the fuck?!? I just ran 7.5 miles all-out and you are putting a tray of peppermint mochas with whipped cream in front of me? No wonder I threw up.
- Tenth Thing: Oh yeah. I threw up a little at the end of the race. I haven't been feeling well lately (some sort of asthma related chest pain thing) and I really did go a little harder than I should have for the last mile, so when I took a big swig of water at the finish my stomach didn't really like it much. I'm feeling much better now, thanks.
- Eleventh Thing: Hot Dogs? Cake? What the hell? Can I just get some Gatorade and a banana and get out of here?
- Twelfth Thing: The results. 51:29 overall. 6:50 per mile. 47th place overall and 12th in my division. Granted, it isn't a huge field (935 finishers) but still I feel pretty good about it. Fastest mile 6:28 (mile 2). Last mile 6:41.
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