She had a nasty stain on the ass of her Gap khakis. But I didn't say anything lest Mrs. GVB assume I was staring at Plain Jane's ass.
Which I was.
So was Mrs. GVB, because she mentioned the stain when we got back in the car.
This meeting was to select "upgrades" for the new Casa GVB. Turns out they'll sell you the house for the list price, but if you want to shit, shower, or shave, you have to pay extra. Of course.
Oh, but don't worry, once you pay cash for 20% of the total upgrade cost, you can roll the rest into your mortgage note at closing. Nice. So I'm going to be paying for the 150 dollar garage light fixture for 30 years.
Happily, Mrs. GVB is completely and totally organized when it comes to this sort of thing. Aside from nicer sinks and plumbing fixtures, and the extra wiring runs I insisted on (we HAVE to have the bedroom and family room pre-wired for a plasma television, don't we?!) we didn't do much.
Oh, and the extra large water heater. I loves me some long showers.
But wait!
"Here's the standard towel rack for your master bath..." Plain Jane shows us a thorny stick she found out on the sidewalk. "It will be screwed to the wall with mis-matched rusty slotted screws. Or, you can upgrade to this package, which will switch out all of the bathroom accessories to a nice brushed nickel finish. It's only 400 dollars."
A $400 towel rack? That better be one magic piece of chrome. I better be able to tune in SIRIUS on that thing. It should dry my ass FOR ME for $400.
So of course we bought it. And one for the kids' bathroom too.
Happily we were done early, and I had the bike with me. So I pedalled myself from Kirkland to the office (37 miles in all, through some of my childhood stomping grounds, which was cool).
Now I'm sweating all over student essay drafts:
"Nice start, but this needs a lot of editing attention."
"Good start, but perhaps you could spend a little more time on the sentence editing?"
"I like the content here, but would it fucking kill you to edit your own work?"
"For fuck's sake! Do you know how much editors get paid!!!"
"Jesus H Christ, did your 6 year old step brother write this for you?"
"Um, next time write the paper before you start in on the Jack Daniels."
"Could you send me the names of all of your high school English teachers so I can firebomb their houses?"
"Do your parents know you are wasting their money on tuition and books?"
4 comments:
Dude:
I strongly suggest you stain Ms. Jane again with man juice while you tell her what you think of her $400 towel rack. Then drive yourself down to Home Depot and buy a towel rack. Two screws later (not including the hand release on sweet Jane) you'll have the equivalent of the rack installed and have saved yourself $380. (Which is good, cause you'll need that for legal fees.)
Believe me, Plain Jane got very little of my money.
And Man Juice?
How to put this delicately...hmmm...I don't think Plain Jane is much interested in the dudes.
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